{"id":2684,"date":"2013-11-30T13:21:09","date_gmt":"2013-11-30T18:21:09","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/barefootandpregnant\/?p=2684"},"modified":"2015-09-19T14:44:08","modified_gmt":"2015-09-19T18:44:08","slug":"rip-thanksgiving","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/barefootandpregnant\/2013\/11\/rip-thanksgiving.html","title":{"rendered":"RIP, Thanksgiving"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

Thanksgiving is dead to me. I\u2019m so done with it. Year after year, I cook this meal that\u2019s totally elaborate and delicious, but year after year it\u2019s never on the table on time, everything is chaos, dishes are everywhere, the children are alternately ignored and yelled at, my back hurts, my feet hurt, I\u2019m crabby and stressed, I don\u2019t enjoy dinner when we finally eat, and then after dinner there\u2019s still hours of clean-up. Plus, Charlotte throws up at Thanksgiving dinner every other year. (Guess which this year this was?)<\/p>\n

This year, I finally just got fed up. Enough is enough. Next year we\u2019re inviting friends over and buying a fully cooked Thanksgiving dinner from a grocery store. Last-week-me would have considered that base sacrilege; this-week-me thinks it sounds like the best idea ever, as long as someone else picks it up. There are meals I don\u2019t mind cooking, like Greek Easter, and prep work I don\u2019t mind putting in, like six hours folding spanakopita. But Greek Easter is manageable. The elements are complex but limited and almost everything can be done in advance, which makes timing simple.<\/p>\n

Thanksgiving is out of control. It\u2019s like a sprawling Cthulhu of culinary elements that all require chopping, toasting, roasting, basting, reducing, mixing, chilling, rising, whisking, simmering, and tasting.<\/p>\n

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My tentacles are made of cranberry sauce, mashed potatoes, stuffing, turkey, pie, gravy, green beans, rolls, squash, and death. Happy Thanksgiving, pathetic mortal!<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

I even split the work with a friend this year, and it was still<\/em> too much to handle. It still required all four burners, my oven, and the oven next door. It was still late, confused, and chaotic. I still got crabby and even the Pogues didn\u2019t help, because they just added to the chaos. The moment when I snapped off \u201cWhiskey You\u2019re the Devil\u201d because I just couldn\u2019t handle one more irritant was the moment I knew that things had to change.<\/p>\n

I probably won\u2019t really buy a fully-cooked Thanksgiving, because I\u2019m neurotic. But I absolutely refuse to cook Thanksgiving dinner next year. I\u2019ll probably make something like penne alla vodka and tiramisu, and declare Slapsgiving on anyone who even hints that they think I ought to make a Norman Rockwell Thanksgiving.<\/p>\n