{"id":3029,"date":"2014-03-22T11:15:09","date_gmt":"2014-03-22T15:15:09","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/barefootandpregnant\/?p=3029"},"modified":"2015-02-16T12:56:40","modified_gmt":"2015-02-16T17:56:40","slug":"catechesis-im-doing-it-wrong","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/barefootandpregnant\/2014\/03\/catechesis-im-doing-it-wrong.html","title":{"rendered":"Catechesis: I’m Doing It Wrong"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

\"shutterstock_117256060\"<\/a>
I promise this picture will become relevant<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<\/p>

I gather that my fellow Patheosi have been talking about catechesis and whatnot while I\u2019ve been\u2026what\u2019s the euphemism? Not playing with a full deck? A bit whimsical in the brain-pan? Mad as a friggin\u2019 hatter? Well, whatever it is, here\u2019s everything I know about catechesis, to illuminate the ongoing conversation.<\/p>\n

Tonight I was reading a story to Liam that started with, \u201cI wish I lived a thousand years ago\u2026\u201d Suddenly Sienna piped up and said, \u201cMom, NO! No, you DON\u2019T wish you lived a thousand years ago, I PROMISE YOU!\u201d<\/p>\n

I looked up at her and said, \u201cSienna, it\u2019s just a story.\u201d Unmoved from her passionate exegesis against the year 1014, she continued insisting that I would NOT have wanted to live a thousand years ago, that in fact, NO ONE WOULD (hyperbole hysterics and italicized exclamation marks!!!!!!!!<\/em>)<\/p>\n

\u201cOkay, Sienna,\u201d I sighed, knowing that we\u2019d never finish the story until she finished her rant (she is, after all, my daughter). \u201cWhy would I have SERIOUSLY NOT wanted to live a thousand years ago?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBecause, Mrs. Fox said, that a thousand years ago, and this is REALLY HAPPENED, because IT\u2019S IN THE BIBLE\u201d (here I briefly considered making her stop speaking until she had read this blog post <\/a>and copied it out in longhand and along with an exposition on the difference between factual events and truth, but her words were overlapping in hysteria, so I just kept listening) \u201cBOYS got ALL THEIR FATHER\u2019S LAND and EVERYTHING HE HAD. So like, if we lived back then, Liam would get ALL OF AVE MARIA.\u201d<\/p>\n

I had to interrupt her here, because her concept of ownership was so grossly flawed, but she skipped right over my attempt to explain that actually Liam would get whatever scraps of furniture he could scavenge after Sallie Mae swept through like the proverbial vulture and said, \u201cyeah Mom okay but that\u2019s not the important part anyway. The important part is that the BOY would get A SPECIAL BLESSING FROM GOD, FROM ACTUAL<\/em> GOD, LIKE THE REAL GOD<\/strong>.\u201d<\/p>\n

She stopped and looked at me expectantly.<\/p>\n

I looked back at her.<\/p>\n

She looked at me.<\/p>\n

I looked at her.<\/p>\n

Finally I cracked. \u201cOkay, kid, but why is that so horrible? Why would I hate for Liam to get a special blessing from God?\u201d<\/p>\n

I wanted her to realize that her narrative was fundamentally flawed and have a come-to-Jesus moment with me about storytelling, but instead she just said, \u201cbecause the girls don\u2019t get anything.\u201d<\/p>\n

I figured I should just give her the satisfaction of electrified indignity so we could get on with the story, since Liam was starting to nod off at my side, so I said, \u201cOh that is AWFUL. I cannot imagine how awful it would be to live in such an unfair world, where the girls get nothing.\u201d<\/p>\n

Much to my surprise, she just looked at me with a quizzical expression.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat?\u201d I said. \u201cDon\u2019t you think that\u2019s unfair?\u201d<\/p>\n

She shook her head. \u201cWell, not really. I mean, girls can do lots of cool stuff boys can\u2019t.\u201d<\/p>\n

I was actually electrified for a moment, shocked by the knowledge that my 8-year-old actually had wisdom beyond my own at that age, or any age, for that matter.<\/p>\n

\u201cLike what?\u201d I said.<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, like girls can do handstands, and boys can\u2019t do them very well, plus girls can do splits, and boys can\u2019t, because they have a [here she theatrically mouthed the word \u201cpenis\u201d accompanied by overly exaggerated <\/em>pointing]<\/em> between their legs.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSo, Sienna,\u201d I said, biting my lip and trying furiously not to laugh, \u201cyou\u2019d rather be able to do the splits than get a special blessing from God?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, yeah,\u201d she said, like I\u2019d just asked if the sky had always been blue. \u201cWho wouldn\u2019t?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I gather that my fellow Patheosi have been talking about catechesis and whatnot while I\u2019ve been\u2026what\u2019s the euphemism? Not playing with a full deck? A bit whimsical in the brain-pan? Mad as a friggin\u2019 hatter? Well, whatever it is, here\u2019s everything I know about catechesis, to illuminate the ongoing conversation. Tonight I was reading a […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1110,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[226,78,81,107],"class_list":["post-3029","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-catechesis","tag-delightful-absurdity","tag-funny-stuff","tag-sienna"],"yoast_head":"\nCatechesis: I'm Doing It Wrong<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"I gather that my fellow Patheosi have been talking about catechesis and whatnot while I've been...what's the euphemism? 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