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<\/a><\/p>\nuntil Folly started licking his face off. But before I could even get angsty about it he laughed and assured me that he grew up around dogs and his dogs also jumped up on people and basically did whatever they wanted. Then I was all<\/p>\n
until I overcooked the lamb. For the fourth year in a row. Oddly it didn\u2019t phase me that much, though. I was just kinda like<\/p>\n Dinner was still good, and Folly wasn\u2019t horrible and didn\u2019t jump on the table even one time. I even started thinking about loving her again.<\/p>\n Until after dinner, when we were sitting around talking outside. I had her on the leash and she was just sitting there, all floppy eared like<\/p>\n If it sounds like something out of a cartoon, that\u2019s cause it was. Also much like a cartoon, I didn\u2019t drop my wine glass. I simply smashed it against the concrete when I stuck the face-down landing like<\/p>\n Needless to say, I was totally humiliated. I was all<\/p>\n but I couldn\u2019t, so I did the next best thing<\/p>\n Here\u2019s an important lesson, kids: drinking more wine to cover your embarrassment is almost certainly going to be a self-defeating strategy, as it\u2019s very likely that you\u2019ll overcompensate and become incoherent and stupid, thus multiplying your embarrassment exponentially.<\/p>\n When I woke up this morning, staying in bed forever seemed like a viable plan. The Ogre kept trying to get me to get out of bed but I just kept wrapping my face in more layers of sheets like<\/p>\n but eventually I had to get up and face my future in the<\/p>\n I\u2019ll be 30 in two weeks, which means I\u2019m way too old for these kinds of shenanigans. Learning one\u2019s tolerance for wine is a thing you do in college. It\u2019s okay to be stupid then, cause you are stupid then. It\u2019s not really okay when you\u2019re almost 30 and have four kids. So now I\u2019ve made a post-Lent sacrifice: no drinking except for special occasions, and even then, three glasses of wine is my absolute limit.<\/p>\n Sadly, being mature in retrospect doesn\u2019t change the fact that at some point in the future I will almost certainly have to leave my house again.<\/p>\n I wonder if it will help if I take this sign with me:<\/p>\n I know this post might be a teensy bit melodramatic, but<\/p>\n Sad cat knows what I\u2019m talking about:<\/p>\n<\/a><\/p>\n<\/a><\/p>\n<\/a>then, out of nowhere, she just took off. Unfortunately, my grip on her leash was a bit too firm, cause she literally pulled me out of my chair and into the air, where I flipped over and landed face down on our neighbor\u2019s driveway.<\/p>\n<\/a><\/p>\n<\/a><\/p>\n<\/a><\/p>\n<\/a><\/p>\n<\/a><\/p>\n<\/a><\/p>\n<\/a><\/p>\n