Kate Wicker posted a wonderful piece <\/a>on choosing \u201cgrowth\u201d to be her word for 2011. I loved reading it because I identify so much with Kate; so many of the things that she said were so familiar. But I winced while reading it, because all the while I knew that \u201cgrowth\u201d would indeed not <\/i>be my word for 2011. I knew that my word for 2011 is the same word that I should have held up as an ideal in 2010, and 2009, and 2008, and 2007, and 2006. Before then I wouldn\u2019t have understood what the word meant, let alone all the implications of it. But after five solid years of making tiny changes while mostly trying to ignore this one, big, looming word, it is upon me.<\/p>\nNo. It\u2019s been upon me. This year, I\u2019m choosing to embrace it. This year, I will cultivate the virtue of temperance.<\/p>\n
In thinking about temperance, what springs immediately to mind is my weight. The Ever-Teacher has a thing about people\u2019s weight; he\u2019s forever asking us if we\u2019re doing what we need to be doing to take ourselves on when one of us kids or kids-in-law happens to put on a few pounds. At first it really annoyed me; it felt obsessive and obnoxious. Now, I understand what he\u2019s trying to point out; that being overweight is a result (most of the time) of a lack of temperance in our lives. He jumps on the weight, sometimes fairly and sometimes unfairly, because that is the most visible symbol of our interior life of virtue.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s taken me five years to admit to myself that, in fact, I\u2019m overweight because I like brownies. Notice the plural? It\u2019s not brownie<\/i>; it\u2019s brownies<\/i>.<\/p>\n
We\u2019ll go on kicks when I\u2019ll ban sugar from the house and go running every morning. It\u2019ll last a few months, and then something will happen. A trip away, a new baby, a total emotional breakdown, and I\u2019ll go to Trader Joe\u2019s and eat my way through a box of chocolates. Then I\u2019ll feel so bad that I\u2019ll keep buying chocolate, and cheese, and white bread, and butter and butter and butter<\/i>, all the while ignoring the simple fundamental truth that these aren\u2019t bad foods and I\u2019m not bad for buying or eating them\u2026just like I\u2019m not good when we\u2019ve got only whole grains and lean meats in the fridge and I\u2019m hitting the pavement with a vengeance.<\/p>\n
It would be good if I could eat butter in moderation, and go running in moderation. It would be good if I could bring a balance to my life, instead of forever bending Aristotle\u2019s stick too far in either direction.<\/p>\n
But it isn\u2019t just my weight that needs the soothing balm of restraint. My family needs it, too. Just today the Ogre and I got into a minor tussle which I managed to blow incredibly out of proportion because of the terrible way I handled it. First, I got mad. I yelled and he yelled back. Then, after a solid hour of self-pity, I came to the realization that I am a terrible, horrible <\/i>wife. So I apologized\u2026again and again. And again. And he got mad, because I wasn\u2019t apologizing out of genuine remorse, I was apologizing so that he would forgive me, so that I would feel better.<\/p>\n
I can\u2019t keep doing this to either of us. As it turns out, my frequent blow-ups and whiplash-inducing apologies and tears aren\u2019t the result of being high-strung<\/i>, or spirited<\/i>, or even of having a nasty temper<\/i>, all of which are terms often used to excuse away the simple and undeniable fact that I don\u2019t control myself. I haven\u2019t practiced the virtue of restraint in the hours of calm, so when the storm hits there\u2019s no reserve to be drawn on. My emotions are raw and unrestrained, and the people I love most in this world are the ones who pay for it.<\/p>\n
And they don\u2019t just pay for it when I get angry. I can\u2019t count the number of times I\u2019ll say to Sienna, \u201cNo, you can\u2019t have any chocolate until after lunch\u201d and then put a piece of chocolate in my own mouth as soon as she happens to look away. Children aren\u2019t stupid. She sees my hypocrisy and often doesn\u2019t take me seriously when I say \u201cno,\u201d turning instead to whining and begging. It isn\u2019t often that I give in, but it still happens. And throughout all of this what is most apparent is my own lack of temperance. I eat the chocolate when I\u2019ve asked her not to; I give in because I don\u2019t want to listen to her whine. There must be a reconciliation here. Either I must be more temperate in what I ask, and say, \u201cwhy don\u2019t we split a small piece now so we still have room in our tummies for lunch?\u201d, or I must say, \u201cno, and Mommy won\u2019t have any either, because it\u2019s important for us both to eat a good lunch.\u201d And then I need to stick to it, in the face of whatever comes my way.<\/p>\n
And for that, I\u2019ll need fortitude.<\/p>\n
Isn\u2019t it funny how the natural virtues are so intertwined? Seeking to improve the virtue of temperance will inevitably lead to an increase in practicing fortitude, justice and prudence.<\/p>\n
In any case, temperance is without a doubt the word that I will be keeping in mind in 2011. No grand plans for a diet or exercise regimen this year; no big, sweeping vows to \u201cbe a better wife\u201d or to \u201cbe a more patient mother\u201d. This year I\u2019ll start with the little things. The little, oft-overlooked virtues that, when practiced, change everything.<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
A few days ago, Kate Wicker posted a wonderful piece on choosing \u201cgrowth\u201d to be her word for 2011. I loved reading it because I identify so much with Kate; so many of the things that she said were so familiar. But I winced while reading it, because all the while I knew that \u201cgrowth\u201d […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1110,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[89],"class_list":["post-328","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-lessons-in-virtue"],"yoast_head":"\n
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