{"id":3623,"date":"2014-09-08T15:01:25","date_gmt":"2014-09-08T19:01:25","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/admin.patheos.com\/blogs\/barefootandpregnant\/?p=3623"},"modified":"2014-12-28T22:48:25","modified_gmt":"2014-12-29T03:48:25","slug":"private-revelation-and-divine-facepalm","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/barefootandpregnant\/2014\/09\/private-revelation-and-divine-facepalm.html","title":{"rendered":"Private Revelation and Divine Facepalm"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

So I went on a silent retreat this weekend. Trust me, you\u2019re not as shocked as I was. But I went anyway, and over the course of 42 excruciatingly silent hours, God and I had the following conversation:<\/p>\n

\"Jesus_Wept_OKC_Memorial2\"<\/a>
Via Wikimedia Commons<\/a><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Friday, 9:10 pm<\/strong><\/p>\n

God: \u201cYou have a great capacity for love.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

Me: \u201cWhat? Er, uh, thanks, God, but You know it terrifies me when You give me compliments.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

God: \u201cLet me rephrase that. I have given you a great capacity for love.\u201d <\/em><\/p>\n

Me: \u201cOh. Um. Thank You? For that gift? Or, I mean\u2026am I missing something, here?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

Saturday, 8:45 am<\/strong><\/p>\n

God: *smacks me upside the head with the Parable of the Talents*<\/em><\/p>\n

Me: \u201cOH!\u00a0 I\u2019m burying my capacity talent in distraction and selfishness. That sucks. I\u2019m really sorry, God. So I should use the capacity talent that You gave me better, and love You by loving everyone\u2026better?\u201d <\/em><\/p>\n

God (using Sam Rocha\u2019s voice): \u201cMake your eggs with love<\/a>.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

Saturday, 2:30 pm<\/strong><\/p>\n

Me: \u201cSo, when You say \u2018make my eggs with love\u2019, You mean I should just concentrate on loving my kids? Or are You being metaphorical \u2013 like, \u201cmake eggs\u201d for everyone I meet, because that\u2019s a little way to love them?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

God: \u201cWho do you\u00a0 make eggs for every morning?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

Saturday, 6:05 pm<\/strong><\/p>\n

Me: \u201cIs this a trick question? Or a test \u2014 am I supposed to figure out who I *should* be \u2018making eggs\u2019 for? And are we talking real life, like in Ave, or the inter-world, or both? Or You, God? Is that it? Do you mean I should \u2018make eggs\u2019 for You? You\u2019re not even corporeal. I don\u2019t even know how that would play out metaphorically, much less in real \u2014 \u201c<\/em><\/p>\n

God: *clubs me over the head with Ephesians 5* \u201cYour husband, dummy! Make his literal eggs with love.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

Me: \u201cHuh?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

Saturday, 8:45 pm<\/strong><\/p>\n

Me: \u201coh.\u201d *walks outside in a daze, stares blankly at the palm trees in the dark* \u201cOH! Make my husband\u2019s<\/strong> eggs with love!\u201d <\/em><\/p>\n

*actual fireworks light up the sky*<\/em><\/p>\n

Sunday, 9:15 am<\/strong><\/p>\n

Me: \u201cThanks for the talk, God. Sorry it took me a while to get it.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

God: \u201cThat\u2019s alright, kid. Private revelation is kind of an inefficient means of communication for the spiritually dense. The song lyrics were a last-ditch effort\u2026this was easier when I used to light bushes on fire. No one got all meta with burning foliage.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

So I went on a silent retreat this weekend. Trust me, you\u2019re not as shocked as I was. But I went anyway, and over the course of 42 excruciatingly silent hours, God and I had the following conversation: Friday, 9:10 pm God: \u201cYou have a great capacity for love.\u201d Me: \u201cWhat? Er, uh, thanks, God, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1110,"featured_media":4607,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[113,93,77],"class_list":["post-3623","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-catholicism","tag-sam-rocha","tag-scripture"],"yoast_head":"\nPrivate Revelation and Divine Facepalm<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"So I went on a silent retreat this weekend. Trust me, you're not as shocked as I was. 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