{"id":3852,"date":"2014-11-08T13:16:58","date_gmt":"2014-11-08T18:16:58","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/admin.patheos.com\/blogs\/barefootandpregnant\/?p=3852"},"modified":"2014-12-28T22:07:50","modified_gmt":"2014-12-29T03:07:50","slug":"id-rather-have-frostbite-than-chikungunya","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/barefootandpregnant\/2014\/11\/id-rather-have-frostbite-than-chikungunya.html","title":{"rendered":"I’d Rather Have Frostbite than Chikungunya"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

<\/iframe>\n<\/p>No, listen. Every winter, 98% of you are shivering your derriers off while you shovel your cars out of acres of snow in your driveways and pray they start so you can make it to the store to buy more kerosene and snow-wolf-killing-broadswords, or something.<\/p>\nClearly, I don\u2019t live in a northern climate. I live in a the nastiest approximation the continental US has to a tropical climate. And every year, you want to murder me with your broadswords because I complain about how <redacted> <redacted> mother <redacted> hot it is here, year <redacted> round. And the lack of seasons. And the stupid beaches, that I never liked even when I was 7 and bathing suits didn\u2019t phase me. And the snowbirds. And the alligators<\/em>.<\/p>\nAnd yet, I\u2019m spoiled, you say. I have no idea what it\u2019s like to live in a sub-zero hellscape full of abominable snowmen and toddler snowsuits. \u201cHAVE YOU EVER TAKEN A TODDLER OUT OF A SNOWSUIT TO USE THE BATHROOM TEN TIMES IN TEN MINUTES, CALAH?\u201d you ask me in ALL CAPS.<\/p>\n\u201cNo\u201d, I say. \u201cIndeed, I have not.\u201d<\/p>\nWell now, my friends, I\u2019m turning the tables on you. Have you ever sent your entire family on a rage-killing-mosquito-safari in November? INSIDE YOUR OWN <redacted> HOUSE?<\/p>\n<iframe loading=\"lazy\" title=\"We Kill Mosquitos\" width=\"500\" height=\"281\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/pMvY9SNtiKI?feature=oembed\" frameborder=\"0\" allow=\"accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture; web-share\" referrerpolicy=\"strict-origin-when-cross-origin\" allowfullscreen><\/iframe>\n\u00a0<\/p>\n\u00a0<\/p>\n\u00a0<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"No, listen. Every winter, 98% of you are shivering your derriers off while you shovel your cars out of acres of snow in your driveways and pray they start so you can make it to the store to buy more kerosene and snow-wolf-killing-broadswords, or something. Clearly, I don\u2019t live in a northern climate. I live […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1110,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[111],"class_list":["post-3852","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-i-long-for-cold-weather"],"yoast_head":"\n<title>I'd Rather Have Frostbite than Chikungunya<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"No, listen. Every winter, 98% of you are shivering your derriers off while you shovel your cars out of acres of snow in your driveways and pray they start\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/barefootandpregnant\/2014\/11\/id-rather-have-frostbite-than-chikungunya.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"I'd Rather Have Frostbite than Chikungunya\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"No, listen. Every winter, 98% of you are shivering your derriers off while you shovel your cars out of acres of snow in your driveways and pray they start\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/barefootandpregnant\/2014\/11\/id-rather-have-frostbite-than-chikungunya.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Barefoot and Pregnant\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2014-11-08T18:16:58+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2014-12-29T03:07:50+00:00\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Calah Alexander\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Calah Alexander\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"1 minute\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/barefootandpregnant\/2014\/11\/id-rather-have-frostbite-than-chikungunya.html\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/barefootandpregnant\/2014\/11\/id-rather-have-frostbite-than-chikungunya.html\",\"name\":\"I'd Rather Have Frostbite than Chikungunya\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/barefootandpregnant\/#website\"},\"datePublished\":\"2014-11-08T18:16:58+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2014-12-29T03:07:50+00:00\",\"author\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/barefootandpregnant\/#\/schema\/person\/cbd5af11d9f73881b801bf2e07eb8757\"},\"description\":\"No, listen. 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