{"id":453,"date":"2012-06-25T12:32:28","date_gmt":"2012-06-25T18:32:28","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/barefootandpregnant\/?p=453"},"modified":"2016-10-10T11:54:41","modified_gmt":"2016-10-10T15:54:41","slug":"the-eye-of-the-storm","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/barefootandpregnant\/2012\/06\/the-eye-of-the-storm.html","title":{"rendered":"The Eye of the Storm"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

We spent the weekend battling a hurricane.<\/p>\n

The Ogre keeps correcting me and insisting that it\u2019s a \u201ctropical storm\u201d and that we\u2019re not exactly battling it seeing as it\u2019s over 100 miles north of us. I keep pointing out the window and saying, \u201cUm, hello? Do you see <\/em>the sheets of rain flying parallel to the ground outside our house? It\u2019s a hurricane, and it\u2019s freaking on top of us, because why else would the rain be defying gravity<\/em>?\u201d And then he starts trying to show me color-coded radars that make no sense (because actually I haven\u2019t even figured out where we\u2019re living on a map of Florida) and I revert to maturely responding, \u201cYour mom\u2019s a tropical storm.\u201d He loves being married to me.<\/p>\n

But this has been a long weekend, actually. Hurricane season officially started at the beginning of June, and I was kind of excited earlier in the week to get a sneak preview of what we could expect this summer. Hurricanes are unfamiliar territory for me. I grew up in tornado alley, and I can tell when a tornado is coming by looking at the sky for 1.3 seconds, hearing the eerie quiet that precedes one, or even just stepping outside and feeling the prickly, uncomfortable, hair-raising \u201cstorm\u2019s a-comin'\u201d sensation. I like to think I know a decent amount about tornadoes, or at least how to behave when one is coming. But I didn\u2019t realize until this weekend how much I depend on tornado sirens. See, here in Florida, they actually do have tornadoes. No one told me this, and no one seems to talk about it much or even be all that concerned about it, but tropical storms and hurricanes throw off tornadoes on the mainland. So while we\u2019re certainly not at any risk from Debby, no fewer than 12 tornadoes touched down in the state of Florida over the weekend, two within 20 miles of us.<\/p>\n

Twelve. That\u2019s 12. Ten plus two, people. That\u2019s not an insignificant number of tornadoes. And there are no sirens<\/em>. Once I realized this, I indignantly Googled, \u201cWhy are there no tornado sirens in Florida?\u201d and Google told me that it\u2019s because 1) it\u2019s expensive and 2) most tornadoes in Florida are insignificant F1 or F2 tornadoes that only cause minor damage.<\/p>\n

Let me show you something:<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>
Yesterday morning in Naples<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

Yeah, I know it\u2019s just a funnel cloud, it\u2019s not touching down, and it honestly isn\u2019t even that big, but it is alarmingly close to the only Trader Joe\u2019s in Florida. <\/em>The potential for catastrophe there is overwhelming, and not just for me personally. I\u2019m telling you, the octogenarians who populate this state LOVE Trader Joe\u2019s. They drive for hours <\/em>to get here. The hotels near the new Trader Joe\u2019s have nearly doubled their weekend business since the store opened. Do you know what would also be expensive? Having to re-populate the state with a population not made up of wealthy retirees who left in droves after Trader Joe\u2019s was destroyed because \u201ctornado sirens were too expensive.\u201d<\/p>\n

Also, F1 and F2 tornadoes can kill people. It\u2019s not terribly likely, but it does happen, and when it happens it\u2019s almost always at night, and almost always because the person was sleeping and unaware of the looming storm.<\/p>\n

The combination of knowing that there were no sirens and being under a tornado watch was not conducive to restful nights in our house. On Saturday night, the tornado danger had largely passed by the time the Ogre went to bed, so I felt comfortable leaving the kids in their beds. But last night the tornado watch was extended until 5 am this morning. I walked outside around 11 pm, and the weather was freaky. Random gusts of wind interspersed with dead calm, loud insects that would suddenly go quiet, fast-moving clouds, and a general electric feel to the air did not reassure me that the storm warnings were precautionary. I told the Ogre that I wasn\u2019t comfortable with the kids in their own rooms on the other side of the house. He said that if a tornado hit, we\u2019d have enough time to get to them, but I insisted that we wouldn\u2019t. Not without sirens. We likely wouldn\u2019t even wake up until it was right on top of us, and their beds are right next to windows. I wasn\u2019t about to chance flying glass, so we put the kids in a pile of blankets and pillows on our floor.<\/p>\n

The Ogre slept okay, but I didn\u2019t. Even having the kids in the room with us wasn\u2019t enough to bring me peace of mind. The curtains on the lanai kept slamming into the windows from the force of the wind, the glass shook, the wind howled, and I alternately tossed and turned and prowled the house, squinting out the windows, trying to see funnel clouds in the blank, black sky.<\/p>\n

At some point my sleeplessness became less about the storm and more about me. I\u2019m in my own kind of storm right now, a tempest of uncertainty, doubt, guilt, and avoidance, all brought on by sin. Unlike the State of Florida, though, God didn\u2019t think that warning sirens were too expensive. There were signs, roadblocks, bright flashing <\/em>freaking neon arrows saying, \u201cTurn back, kid, this road is treacherous!\u201d And like I\u2019m wont to do I mis-read them, misinterpreted them, downplayed the danger, and finally just closed my eyes and ignored them all. And now I\u2019m squinting at the sky, waiting for the funnel cloud to drop and finish me off once and for all, instead of just turning around and saying, I give up, God. Help me<\/em>.<\/p>\n

I could have just gone to sleep last night. All my lurking and window-haunting and weather-checking probably wouldn\u2019t have made the slightest bit of difference in the end, if a tornado had hit us. Being awake enough to hear it coming might have given us a two-second advantage, but even then, it\u2019s not like we have a cellar to retreat to. We could have moved all of ten feet from the bedroom to the bathroom and perhaps escaped flying glass, but even that\u2019s not certain. We were at the mercy of the storm.<\/p>\n

Isn\u2019t it always that way in life? I mean, we have choices, and those choices do matter, but by and large life just happens. Mostly our choices involve how we react to it. I tend to retreat, to duck and cover, to throw my hands up and declare that even making the simple choice to ride out the storm is too much for me. I don\u2019t stand up to life\u2019s storms with anything like bravery or perseverance. I try to hide first, and then spend all my energy looking out the windows, waiting in terror for the worst to happen. No trust. No faith. Just fear, and flight.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s exhausting. I\u2019m tired. I\u2019m actually, physically tired from being up all night for no other purpose than to be afraid. But I\u2019m emotionally and spiritually tired, too. Tired of running, tired of hiding, tired of spending my nights waiting anxiously for a fate worse than death instead of having the humility to let go and the faith to trust that God will forgive me, and keep me safe from the storm.<\/p>\n

Maybe it\u2019s exhaustion that will finally break me. Maybe I\u2019m just exhausted enough to drag myself to the confessional and lay it all out. Or maybe I\u2019ll get a good night\u2019s sleep tonight and feel marginally better tomorrow, and things won\u2019t look so bleak. Maybe I\u2019ll fool myself into thinking that I can handle it on my own, that it\u2019s not so bad, and that things will work themselves out.<\/p>\n

But alas, the storm that had begun to let up this morning has kicked back into gear outside, and we\u2019re under another tornado watch. I\u2019m starting to think that God is going to keep me trapped inside a giant pathetic fallacy until I give up\u2026in which case, sooner is definitely better than later. I miss seeing the sun shine.<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

We spent the weekend battling a hurricane. The Ogre keeps correcting me and insisting that it\u2019s a \u201ctropical storm\u201d and that we\u2019re not exactly battling it seeing as it\u2019s over 100 miles north of us. I keep pointing out the window and saying, \u201cUm, hello? Do you see the sheets of rain flying parallel to […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1110,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[14,13],"class_list":["post-453","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-dodging-god","tag-sin"],"yoast_head":"\nThe Eye of the Storm<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"We spent the weekend battling a hurricane. 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