{"id":4842,"date":"2015-02-06T17:11:51","date_gmt":"2015-02-06T22:11:51","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/admin.patheos.com\/blogs\/barefootandpregnant\/?p=4842"},"modified":"2015-02-06T17:40:32","modified_gmt":"2015-02-06T22:40:32","slug":"7-reasons-why-bruce-jenner-can-still-be-catholic-but-kim-kardashians-butt-cannot","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/barefootandpregnant\/2015\/02\/7-reasons-why-bruce-jenner-can-still-be-catholic-but-kim-kardashians-butt-cannot.html","title":{"rendered":"7 Reasons Why Bruce Jenner Can Still Be Catholic, But Kim Kardashian’s Butt Cannot"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

I was going to write about vaccines today, but luckily I remembered that I don\u2019t hate myself. Instead, I went with a less controversial topic \u2014 seven reasons why Bruce Jenner can still be a Catholic now that he\u2019s transitioning to a woman<\/a>, but Kim Kardashian\u2019s butt cannot.<\/p>\n

1.<\/strong> Bruce Jenner knows that even as a woman, Jesus doesn\u2019t want him to wear yoga pants<\/a>. But Kim Kardashian\u2019s butt never asks itself what Jesus would do.<\/p>\n

\"5073835271_de9c990863_n\"<\/a>
I can\u2019t show you Kim K\u2019s actual butt in these pants, because I don\u2019t want you to go to hell. #brotherlylove<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

2.<\/strong> Screw Belloc <\/a>\u2014 Bruce Jenner agrees<\/a> with boring<\/del> prudent Catholics everywhere that drinking can ruin a relationship<\/a>,\u00a0\u00a0 but Kim Kardashian\u2019s butt definitely does not<\/a>.<\/p>\n

3.<\/strong> Bruce Jenner is taking a lesson from St. Francis of Assissi<\/a> and learning to love all God\u2019s creatures.<\/a> Kim Kardashian\u2019s butt only loves the way they look draped over\u00a0 it<\/a>.<\/p>\n

\"shutterstock_83848840\"<\/a>
\u201cThe print definitely makes me pop, but I wish she\u2019d paired this with her snakeskin boots<\/a> to draw the eye upward and inspire PETA to throw more flour on me\u201d \u2013 Kim K\u2019s Butt<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

4.<\/strong> Bruce Jenner, svelte former Olympian that he is, could almost certainly squeeze himself into one of the teensy confessionals in the Vatican.<\/p>\n

\"128px-Bruce_Jenner_NASA\"<\/a>
Anyone who can fit onto a Wheaties box can fit into the world\u2019s smallest confessional<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Kim Kardashian\u2019s butt could not.<\/p>\n

5.<\/strong> Padre Pio might give Bruce Jenner absolution<\/p>\n

\"shutterstock_98155697\"<\/a>
Why Bruce, what admirably long pants you have on<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

but he definitely wouldn\u2019t forgive Kim Kardashian\u2019s butt.<\/p>\n

\"shutterstock_185454464\"<\/a>
Sorry, Kim K\u2019s butt, but that skirt does not pass the good Padre\u2019s 8-inches-below-the-knee rule<\/a>. Also, he heard you sometimes wear pants.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

6.<\/strong> Pope Francis thinks that Bruce Jenner is \u2013 like all people \u2013 a son of God whom the Church loves and accepts.<\/a> But he\u2019s pretty sure that Kim Kardashian\u2019s narcissistic butt has a mental disorder<\/a>.<\/p>\n

\"shutterstock_104580521\"<\/a>
\u201cIt\u2019s not narcissism when you really are the most fabulous, powerful butt in the world. It\u2019s just reality.\u201d \u2013 Kim K\u2019s butt<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

7. <\/strong>As Eye of the Tiber<\/em> reports, Pope Francis recently declared homosexuality obligatory for all Catholics,<\/a> so transgenderism is sure to follow. It\u2019s a slippery slope, after all, and Bruce Jenner can ride that slope straight through RCIA.<\/p>\n

Kim Kardashian\u2019s straight, cisgender butt, however, cannot.<\/p>\n

\"shutterstock_249992359\"<\/a>
Sorry, Kim. It\u2019s not you, it\u2019s your butt.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

(Please do the Catholic thing and take this list as seriously as possible when commenting, because there is not the slightest trace of sarcasm, irony, or humor in a single word. Promise.<\/em>)<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

photo credits:<\/em><\/p>\n

admedia<\/a> \/ Shutterstock.com<\/a><\/p>\n

Everett Collection<\/a> \/ Shutterstock.com<\/a><\/p>\n

Joe Seer<\/a> \/ Shutterstock.com<\/a><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I was going to write about vaccines today, but luckily I remembered that I don\u2019t hate myself. Instead, I went with a less controversial topic \u2014 seven reasons why Bruce Jenner can still be a Catholic now that he\u2019s transitioning to a woman, but Kim Kardashian\u2019s butt cannot. 1. Bruce Jenner knows that even as […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1110,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[78,81,114],"class_list":["post-4842","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-delightful-absurdity","tag-funny-stuff","tag-pop-culture"],"yoast_head":"\n7 Reasons Why Bruce Jenner Can Still Be Catholic, But Kim Kardashian's Butt Cannot<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"I was going to write about vaccines today, but luckily I remembered that I don't hate myself. 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