{"id":49,"date":"2012-06-07T09:57:00","date_gmt":"2012-06-07T09:57:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/barefootandpregnant\/2012\/06\/political-campaigning\/"},"modified":"2017-03-09T17:15:28","modified_gmt":"2017-03-09T22:15:28","slug":"political-campaigning","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/barefootandpregnant\/2012\/06\/political-campaigning.html","title":{"rendered":"Political Campaigning"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

I tallied up the votes from my last quick takes, and the black and white photo won by a huge majority. So that\u2019s the one that\u2019s going up. Thanks for voting, y\u2019all! Now, on to more important business, also related to voting.\u00a0 <\/p>\n

<\/a><\/div>\n

I hate election season. I hate politics, period, even though I read Drudge Report and Hot Air daily. I hate politics because people seem to think that it\u2019s perfectly fine to act like a bunch of whiny and\/or violent middle-schoolers when they don\u2019t get their way, and that insulting the other side is a totally acceptable form of debate.<\/p>\n

But most of all, I hate politics because all the politicians are so unbearably dull. No one is particularly good, and even the evil ones aren\u2019t deliciously, villainously evil. They\u2019re just evil enough to drown us in bills and despair. <\/p>\n

That\u2019s why I\u2019m starting my own campaign. Harold Saxon for President, 2012! Why, you ask? Well, let me explain it to you.<\/p>\n

<\/a><\/div>\n

First, Saxon (a.k.a. The Master) brainwashed everyone on earth via a rhythm (incidentally, the same rhythm that made him go completely psycho) embedded in the Archangel Network (a series of satellites that formed a low-level psychic field). Here, let me show you:<\/p>\n

(This is kind of a long clip, so just start it at 2:40 and go till 3:40 to see what I mean)<\/p>\n

Now, why would I prefer this man, who literally brainwashes people, to our current Hopenchanger-in-chief or Mitt \u201cI\u2019m not even as interesting as the mind-numbing sport from which I derive my name\u201d Romney?<\/p>\n

Simple. It would restore my faith in humanity if we actually <\/i>required hypnosis to brainwash us, as opposed to being perfectly amenable to brainwashing via nonsensical campaign slogans. (\u201cHope and Change\u201d, anyone? Did anyone know how Obama actually planned to implement all these hopeful changes, or did college students across the country just say, \u201che sounds\u2026good. Like you can trust him\u201d?)<\/p>\n

Second, Saxon had chutzpuh. No backhanded or accidental insults from him<\/a>, no sir. If he didn\u2019t like someone, or even if he was just a bit bored, you\u2019d know it.<\/p>\n

Because he\u2019d blow them up.<\/p>\n

See what I mean? He doesn\u2019t vaguely insult the overbearing American president. Nope. He just kills him.<\/p>\n

But most of all, I\u2019d vote for Harold Saxon because this was a man with a plan. Granted, his plan was to destroy humanity using future humanity via a paradox machine, and then use future humanity to conquer the universe with lots of neat rockets, but damn it, he was gonna see that plan through. He wasn\u2019t about to ruin his country slowly through a series of incomprehensible laws and gradual chipping away at the economic infrastructure; no way. He was going to take everyone out<\/i>.<\/p>\n

Look at that! That is not a world going out with a whimper; that is a world ending with a bang. The bangiest of bangs.<\/p>\n

And the other super bonus to electing an overtly, obviously and horrifically evil leader is that we would all know who to fight against. I can\u2019t see anyone defending the toclafane\u2019s right to slaughter humanity, can you? (Yes, maybe PETA, but let\u2019s pretend in our alternate universe that they don\u2019t exist.)<\/p>\n

Harold Saxon as President would really help us band together as humans. Look:<\/p>\n

(I apologize for the extreme cheese you just witnessed. It was not one of Doctor Who\u2019s finest moments.)<\/p>\n

Would we likely be totally slaughtered if we tried to defeat a common enemy with only the power of our thoughts? Uh, yeah. But we\u2019re Americans, you know, so we\u2019d probably have the good sense to bring guns too, which would definitely up our chances. Humanity banding together with guns <\/i>to fight against a common evil sounds like just what we need right now. Clear, identifiable evil, a common goal, and a guilt-free outlet for our collective pent-up rage.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n
<\/a><\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
There\u2019s a reason why Melody Pond is the most cheerful companion, in her every incarnation. It\u2019s because she always has a gun. <\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n

In conclusion:<\/p>\n

Trust me, when we\u2019re standing side-by-side with sawed-off shotguns and nothing to lose, you\u2019ll be glad you did. <\/p>\n

<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I tallied up the votes from my last quick takes, and the black and white photo won by a huge majority. So that\u2019s the one that\u2019s going up. Thanks for voting, y\u2019all! Now, on to more important business, also related to voting.\u00a0 I hate election season. I hate politics, period, even though I read Drudge […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1110,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-49","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"yoast_head":"\nPolitical Campaigning<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"I tallied up the votes from my last quick takes, and the black and white photo won by a huge majority. So that's the one that's going up. 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