{"id":4909,"date":"2015-03-10T15:10:25","date_gmt":"2015-03-10T19:10:25","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/admin.patheos.com\/blogs\/barefootandpregnant\/?p=4909"},"modified":"2015-03-10T15:10:25","modified_gmt":"2015-03-10T19:10:25","slug":"a-better-barrier-method","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/barefootandpregnant\/2015\/03\/a-better-barrier-method.html","title":{"rendered":"A Better Barrier Method"},"content":{"rendered":"<!DOCTYPE html PUBLIC \"-\/\/W3C\/\/DTD HTML 4.0 Transitional\/\/EN\" \"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/TR\/REC-html40\/loose.dtd\">\n<html><head><meta http-equiv=\"content-type\" content=\"text\/html; charset=utf-8\"><meta http-equiv=\"content-type\" content=\"text\/html; charset=utf-8\"><\/head><body><p><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-media.patheos.com\/blogs\/sites\/225\/2015\/03\/20150210_1016461-e1426009359405.jpg\" class=\" decorated-link\" target=\"_blank\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-4910\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-media.patheos.com\/blogs\/sites\/225\/2015\/03\/20150210_1016461-e1426009359405.jpg\" alt=\"20150210_101646[1]\" width=\"338\" height=\"600\"><\/a><\/p>\n<p>Yesterday was the first day of spring break. We\u2019ve finally reached the sniffly beginning of the end of the Death Virus, but I let the Ogre sleep in a little since we\u2019re both still making up for eons of lost sleep. We all had a long, leisurely breakfast, reveling in the joy of a week with no 8 am classes for anyone, and then the kids disappeared into their room to build a block fortress while the Ogre got ready for work and I cleaned the kitchen.<\/p>\n<p>As I was wiping the counters, he came into the kitchen to make a cup of coffee for the road. Instead of moving away from the coffee machine when he tapped me on the hip, I spun around and gave him a good, long kiss. When he finally came up for air, I gave him my best smoldering temptress eyes and said, \u201cyou know, the kids are happily playing together, and it\u2019s not like you have to be at work right this second\u2026we should totally take advantage of this and, like, <em>make the bed<\/em> together. With the door locked.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cIs this an okay time of the month, though?\u201d he asked.<\/p>\n<p>I kissed him again and said, \u201coh, who cares?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Just as a bawdy grin started to spread across his face, the kids\u2019 bedroom door banged open and a toddler shot down the hall, squeezed between us and started shoving the Ogre with all his toddler might, yelling, \u201cDaddy go! Daddy go!\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I sighed in frustration, but the Ogre just laughed and said, \u201clook, the barrier method!\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>\u00a0<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Yesterday was the first day of spring break. We\u2019ve finally reached the sniffly beginning of the end of the Death Virus, but I let the Ogre sleep in a little since we\u2019re both still making up for eons of lost sleep. We all had a long, leisurely breakfast, reveling in the joy of a week [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1110,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[78,81,6,28,108],"class_list":["post-4909","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-delightful-absurdity","tag-funny-stuff","tag-marriage","tag-nfp","tag-the-ogre"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v21.1 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>A Better Barrier Method<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Yesterday was the first day of spring break. We&#039;ve finally reached the sniffly beginning of the end of the Death Virus, but I let the Ogre sleep in a\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/barefootandpregnant\/2015\/03\/a-better-barrier-method.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"A Better Barrier Method\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Yesterday was the first day of spring break. We&#039;ve finally reached the sniffly beginning of the end of the Death Virus, but I let the Ogre sleep in a\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/barefootandpregnant\/2015\/03\/a-better-barrier-method.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Barefoot and Pregnant\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2015-03-10T19:10:25+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"http:\/\/wp.production.patheos.com\/blogs\/barefootandpregnant\/files\/2015\/03\/20150210_1016461-e1426009359405.jpg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Calah Alexander\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Calah Alexander\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"1 minute\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/barefootandpregnant\/2015\/03\/a-better-barrier-method.html\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/barefootandpregnant\/2015\/03\/a-better-barrier-method.html\",\"name\":\"A Better Barrier Method\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/barefootandpregnant\/#website\"},\"datePublished\":\"2015-03-10T19:10:25+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2015-03-10T19:10:25+00:00\",\"author\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/barefootandpregnant\/#\/schema\/person\/cbd5af11d9f73881b801bf2e07eb8757\"},\"description\":\"Yesterday was the first day of spring break. 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