Creative Commons 2.0<\/a>)<\/figcaption><\/figure>This morning, I was on the phone with a friend when she asked if I was joining the \u201cpie-face craze\u201d. I was like, wha? \u201cBut seriously, what did you just say?\u201d I asked.<\/p>\n\u201cPie-Face,\u201d she repeated. \u201cIt\u2019s a game. Apparently it\u2019s the most sought-after toy this Christmas, and all the moms on the Naples Moms Facebook group are going crazy trying to find it for their kids.\u201d<\/p>\n
I confessed that I had no idea what she was talking about, and that I was pretty happy about my ignorance. Little did I know how much happier I was about to become, as she began to describe said game.<\/p>\n
\u201cIt\u2019s this little hand with a crank, and you put pie on the hand, and everyone takes turns turning the crank, and at some point the hand will randomly throw the pie into someone\u2019s face. But you never know who it\u2019s going to be.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOh. My. Good. God.\u201d I said. \u201cSo it\u2019s Russian Roulette, with pie? That\u2019s\u2026so very American<\/em> of us.\u201d<\/p>\nYou know, normally I don\u2019t jump on the denigrating-America-for-being-American bandwagon. I mean, we are what we are, and I\u2019m part of that, and I have dubious\u00a0 cultural mores and a suspicious lack of\u00a0 both artistic sense and geographical education that mark me as thoroughly American as the rest of us. But sometimes something like this happens, and I just can\u2019t handle how dumb we are.<\/p>\n
The #1 most sought-after holiday game in America this year is a plastic hand that throws pie at your face. Do you know what else can throw pie at your face? An angry toddler. A spurned lover. An irritable wife. A jocular brother-in-law. A happy<\/em> toddler. For the love, if you really want pie in your face that badly,\u00a0 your own hand would probably do an admirable job.<\/p>\nBut Calah<\/em>! I hear the internet protest. You\u2019re missing the point. The point is, no one knows when the pie is going to hit them! That way it\u2019s a surprise, see?<\/em><\/p>\nI see, peasants. I see. Might I humbly suggest the following? On Christmas morning, give each child in your household a small pie. Tell them that at any point throughout Christmas day, they can choose to throw their pie in someone else\u2019s face, without warning. This would increase both the element of surprise and the delight of the household children, while significantly decreasing your level of idiocy in spending days searching for (and actually purchasing!) a plastic hand to throw pie at your face. Win-win.<\/p>\n
But then again, as I pull up the news and am reminded that Donald Trump is still a contender for our Presidency, and that his existence is not actually the elaborate hoax I keep praying for, I wonder if maybe this isn\u2019t the very Christmas gift we all deserve. Trump for President, and pie in our faces. Love, the Hogfather.<\/p>\n
HO. HO. HO.<\/p>\n
\u00a0<\/p>\n
(If you want to buy this horrible game, you can do it here through my amazon associates link<\/a>, and I will get a portion of the money you might as well have just spent on pie. Because you already have hands.<\/em>)<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"This morning, I was on the phone with a friend when she asked if I was joining the \u201cpie-face craze\u201d. I was like, wha? \u201cBut seriously, what did you just say?\u201d I asked. \u201cPie-Face,\u201d she repeated. \u201cIt\u2019s a game. Apparently it\u2019s the most sought-after toy this Christmas, and all the moms on the Naples Moms […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1110,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-5215","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"yoast_head":"\n
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<\/a>