Smoochagator<\/a>, one of my favorite commenters with whom I\u2019ve developed that weird \u201cI feel like we\u2019re friends even though I\u2019ve never met you\u201d rapport so unique to the blogosophere, asked when I was going to have this wee minion. I can now state definitively that Lincoln will be born on Monday, September 24, at the latest.<\/p>\nThis is because my doctor is worried about my spiking amniotic fluid levels. Two weeks ago my amniotic fluid levels were normal; last week they were \u201cmoderately high\u201d; this week they\u2019re just plain high. And if this pattern keeps up, by next week they\u2019ll be \u201cseverely high\u201d and then we\u2019ll probably have to induce even earlier.<\/p>\n
Here\u2019s the bright side: if my water breaks early, my doctor warned me that it would be like \u201ca scene from a movie.\u201d I\u2019ve always kind of wanted that to happen, because I\u2019m a weirdo, I guess. I just think it would be super dramatic and cool, especially if it happened somewhere where everyone would be totally horrified and disgusted, like Whole Foods. Seriously, can you imagine the looks on the faces of the shoppers crowded into those tiny little aisles, if my water broke and<\/em> if I had all three of my other kids with me? I would have to stop and video it on my phone. And upload it. And then<\/em> go to the hospital.<\/p>\nBut pretty much every other side of this is not so bright. My doctor is concerned because she can\u2019t find a reason for the sudden spike in fluid levels. My glucose tolerance test was normal, my blood pressure is still as low as it usually is in my third trimester (100\/70, which is higher than my normal pressure of 90\/60), I have what she calls \u201csmall amounts\u201d of swelling in my feet and hands but, and I quote, \u201cnothing abnormal\u201d. (Personally I feel like I have swim fins instead of feet, and I miss the sight of my ankle bones, but apparently this is par for the course in this most humid of states.) So basically, I do not have gestational diabetes or pre-eclampsia. Good news. But then she moved on to the other possible causes, which include: congenital defects, and nothing.<\/p>\n
The risk of congenital defects seems particularly worrisome to her, because she has ordered weekly biophysical profiles and non-stress tests to try and ascertain if Lincoln has a blocked intestine or a cardiac problem that is preventing him from swallowing the amniotic fluid normally. So far he\u2019s fine, though. The sonographer showed me yesterday how his diaphragm moved during the high-res sonogram, which shows that he\u2019s swallowing and breathing the amniotic fluid just like he should be. He\u2019s also very active, his heart appears completely normal, and essentially they can\u2019t find anything to indicate a problem. That should be comforting to me, but of course it\u2019s not. I keep telling myself that if there\u2019s something wrong, there\u2019s nothing we can do about it. I\u2019m just hoping that it\u2019s not something that will equal death outside the womb.<\/p>\n
The doctor said about half the cases of polyhydramnios, which is the clinical term for what I have, have no ascertainable cause. That\u2019s what I\u2019m hoping for. But even if there isn\u2019t anything wrong with Lincoln, the high fluid levels increase the risk for complications. The doctor says that even though he\u2019s head-down now, he has enough room to flip, which would be bad. There\u2019s also an increased risk of pre-term labor, cord prolapse, and placental abruption with polyhydramnios. Pre-term labor isn\u2019t such a big deal at this point, since I\u2019ll be full-term on Monday, but we\u2019re 45 minutes from a hospital so cord prolapse and placental abruption are serious worries. Either could easily mean death for Lincoln.<\/p>\n
The doctor wants to induce at 39 weeks to control labor as much as possible. I\u2019ll probably have to be continuously monitored because of the risk of placental abruption, which will make not getting an epidural that much harder. And obviously all these potential complications increase my risk of having to have a C-section, of which I am terrified.<\/p>\n
Then there\u2019s the fact that all this extra fluid means that I am not only enormous (and really, I am), but that I have much, much more pressure on my back and\u2026ahem\u2026nether-regions than I have in previous pregnancies. I am so dreadfully uncomfortable, and my back hurts like hell, and I\u2019m having weird, alarming abdominal pain that the doctor said is to be expected with this condition but which is still freaking me out.<\/p>\n
So. Naturally, I\u2019m handling this with all the grace and peace befitting a mature, emotionally-stable mother of three, yes?<\/p>\n
You guys know me better than that. I spent three solid hours googling \u201cpolyhydramnios\u201d yesterday, after which I had to ban myself from google for the remainder of this pregnancy. Then I posted a hysterical facebook status update coated with a thin veneer of calm that everyone immediately saw through. Then I had a total emotional breakdown when the Ogre had to go back to work (he\u2019s having to work most nights from 6-10 this semester) and blubbered mascara all over his tie. Then I yelled at the kids. Then they started crying, and I started crying, and I cried all the way through putting them to bed. Then I called my mom, who told me to calm down, and then I put on Castle and started crying again because I felt like if only Nathan Fillion were here, he would fix this whole mess and everything would be okay. Then I realized once again that I\u2019m way too attached to television characters, and went to bed. Crying, naturally.<\/p>\n
I\u2019m a little tired today from all that unnecessary emotional upheaval. And in the harsh light of day I realize that the only thing I need to do for the next two weeks is RELAX, not stress out, and try and keep my cortisol levels as low as possible to prevent early or untimely labor. That includes not doing all the cleaning and laundry and clothes-re-organizing that I was planning on doing this week to prepare for Lincoln\u2019s arrival, or at least doing it much more slowly, because moving for more than ten minutes at a time is incredibly painful. But my dirty kitchen floor and dingy bathrooms are stressing me out, which is makes me want to clean, and then I get stressed because I can\u2019t clean, and I wonder how filthy the house will be by the time the baby is born, which stresses me out, and I start crying, and\u2026yeah. See? Totally emotionally stable.<\/p>\n
Luckily, the good people of the world indulged me yesterday with four massively inappropriate comments, so I\u2019ll be back tomorrow with the inappropriate comments of the day, a feature that I really feel the need to revive with a vengeance. Until then, could you all please fill up my combox with well-wishes and sympathy? It will make me feel better, and will significantly cut down on the Ogre\u2019s daily \u201cexpected sympathy\u201d quota, which he never even pretends to try and meet. And if you know any fairy godmothers who love scrubbing kitchen floors and cleaning out closets full of outgrown toddler clothes, send them my way. I promise to only whine for half the time they\u2019re here.<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I couldn\u2019t decide which title most appropriately conveyed just how pathetic I really am. So I picked all three. A few posts ago, Smoochagator, one of my favorite commenters with whom I\u2019ve developed that weird \u201cI feel like we\u2019re friends even though I\u2019ve never met you\u201d rapport so unique to the blogosophere, asked when I […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1110,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[67,64,18],"class_list":["post-724","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-pregnancy","tag-rambling","tag-tv"],"yoast_head":"\n
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![\"\"](\"https:\/\/wp-media.patheos.com\/blogs\/sites\/225\/2012\/09\/Pathetic-pregnant.jpg\" "\\"Pathetic-pregnant\\"")
<\/a><\/p>\n