It\u2019s 9:22 a.m. and I\u2019ve already managed to neglect my children physically, give them negative disciplinary reinforcement, and lay down the foundation for a lifetime of spiritual confusion.<\/p>\n
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<\/a><\/div>\nSomeone should give me an award. These sorts of reprehensible mothering skills can\u2019t be learned or imitated. They only arise out of long years of non-practice.<\/p>\n
The morning started out so well, too. I made one of those overnight-soaking oatmeal bakes last night for a Valentine\u2019s Day treat. I got up when the alarm actually went off (stop the presses, people) and turned the oven on and put the oatmeal in. So I didn\u2019t actually wait for the oven to heat up because I really wanted to crawl back into bed for the 45 minutes of baking time, but in my defense, it was 6 a.m. (That\u2019s totally a valid defense.)<\/p>\n
I ended up crawling back in bed with a snotty, hacking Charlotte instead of my snoring Ogre because when Charlotte is sick her world comes to a wailing end. But it was nice, in spite of the snot, to cuddle with Charlotte and Sienna for a little while. When the timer went off in the kitchen Sienna raised her head like a hound catching a scent and said, \u201cWhat\u2019s in the oven?\u201d I told her it was a Valentine\u2019s Day breakfast, and Charlotte and I trudged after a sprinting Sienna into the kitchen to pull it out of the oven. I even got really crafty and made a little heart on top of the oatmeal out of raisins. (Okay, I stole the idea from Catholic Cuisine<\/a>.)<\/p>\n Usually I try to get up early enough to fry some eggs for the Ogre to eat on his way out the door in the mornings, and the kids and I eat after he leaves. So it was really nice to sit down and eat breakfast together as a family. I was feeling like such an organized, accomplished little housewife, too, sending my husband off to work with a stomach full of hearty oatmeal and the bright-eyed smiles of well-fed children.<\/p>\n Then the kids went into the girls\u2019 room to play on the bed and I decided the dishes could wait. I joined them, laying down with Charlotte while Liam and Sienna giggled.<\/p>\n Then I fell asleep.<\/p>\n I woke up about a half-hour later to an empty room and Charlotte banging and crying on the outside of the closed door. As it turned out, they had all left the room and Charlotte had locked the door behind her. Now Charlotte was frantically trying to get back into the room to wake me up because Sienna was stuck on the toilet with no toilet paper.<\/p>\n To make reparations for my gross parental neglect, I played with the kids in the living room for a little while. For some reason, I decided that today was the day to teach Liam \u201cpop-pop-bang.\u201d<\/p>\n In case you\u2019re unfamiliar with the wonder that is Cinderella Man<\/em>, this is what I\u2019m talking about.<\/p>\n