Arranged Marriages<\/strong><\/h2>\nIn Jesus\u2019 day, marriages were arranged by the parents of the bride and groom, with the help of a matchmaker.<\/strong>\u00a0 The first arranged marriage was when Abraham sent his servant as a matchmaker to acquire a bride for Isaac.\u00a0 If we insist on only biblically-styled marriages, we must go back to arranged marriages and declare it sinful for couples to find love on their own.<\/p>\n\u00a0<\/p>\n
Bride Prices<\/strong><\/h2>\nWhen a man wanted to marry a woman, he gave gifts to the bride and to her family.\u00a0<\/strong> The price of the bride was agreed upon by the groom and the bride\u2019s father.\u00a0 When a young man didn\u2019t have cash on hand, he could agree to work for his father-in-law at reduced wages until he could pay off his bride-debt (see Jacob\u2019s employ to Laban in Genesis 29).\u00a0 If only biblical models for marriage are acceptable, we need to go back to buying brides and selling daughters to the highest bidder.<\/p>\n\u00a0<\/p>\n
Virgin Brides<\/strong><\/h2>\nBiblically, a woman is a high-priced commodity.\u00a0 Therefore, her father has a vested interest in making sure he\u2019s not selling \u201cused goods\u201d at a new-bride price.\u00a0<\/strong> Deuteronomy 22:13-21 NIV has a lot to say about virgin brides.\u00a0 If you\u2019ve never read it, I\u2019ll share it here:<\/p>\nIf a man takes a wife and, after sleeping with her, dislikes her and slanders her and gives her a bad name, saying, \u201cI married this woman, but when I approached her, I did not find proof of her virginity,\u201d then the young woman\u2019s father and mother shall bring to the town elders at the gate proof that she was a virgin.\u00a0 Her father will say to the elders, \u201cI gave my daughter in marriage to this man, but he dislikes her. Now he has slandered her and said, \u2018I did not find your daughter to be a virgin.\u2019 But here is the proof of my daughter\u2019s virginity.\u201d Then her parents shall display the cloth before the elders of the town, and the elders shall take the man and punish him. They shall fine him a hundred shekels of silver and give them to the young woman\u2019s father, because this man has given an Israelite virgin a bad name. She shall continue to be his wife; he must not divorce her as long as he lives<\/em><\/p>\nIf, however, the charge is true and no proof of the young woman\u2019s virginity can be found, she shall be brought to the door of her father\u2019s house and there the men of her town shall stone her to death. She has done an outrageous thing in Israel by being promiscuous while still in her father\u2019s house. You must purge the evil from among you.<\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\nIf we\u2019re going to insist on biblical models for marriage, then we must be resolute about virgin brides.\u00a0<\/strong> Of course, there\u2019 one way to practically ensure this, and the Bible supports this plan\u2026<\/p>\n\u00a0<\/p>\n
Child Brides <\/strong><\/h2>\nIn biblical times, girls got married as soon as they were physically able to bear children, around twelve or thirteen years old.\u00a0<\/strong> Often, grooms were significantly older, as it was expected that a man should start his career and become successful before he could support a wife.\u00a0 It\u2019s suggested that Jesus\u2019 mother Mary was about fourteen when she gave birth to her son, and that Joseph was perhaps thirty.\u00a0 If biblical marriages are our model, then we must arrange our daughters\u2019 marriages well before the age of majority.\u00a0 This age differential will, of course, ensure that young brides remain subservient and their grooms maintain all the power\u2013but hey, it\u2019s biblical!<\/p>\n\u00a0<\/p>\n
Prisoner Brides<\/strong><\/h2>\nIn Numbers 31:17-18, God tells Jewish soldiers to wipe out all the men, women, and male children (even babies) among their enemies.\u00a0<\/strong> They should only let the young girls \u201cwomen-children\u201d survive, so they could be forced into marriage to their captors.\u00a0 Imagine that your parents and brothers are killed by marauders, and as a woman-child you\u2019re forced to marry their murderer.\u00a0 That\u2019s biblical marriage!<\/p>\n\u00a0<\/p>\n
Death Penalty for Adultery\u00a0 <\/strong><\/h2>\nDeuteronomy 22:22 says that if a man and woman are caught in adultery, they both be put to death.\u00a0 At least, that\u2019s one shred of equality in biblical marriage.<\/p>\n
\u00a0<\/p>\n
The Old \u2018Marry Your Rapist\u2019 Trick\u00a0 <\/strong><\/h2>\nIn Deuteronomy 22:28-29, if a man really wants to marry a girl and she refuses, all he has to do is rape her and then pay her father fifty shekels\u2013then he can marry her.\u00a0<\/strong> In this particular case, divorce is not permitted\u2013so she has to remain married to her rapist for the rest of her life.\u00a0 If we want to legislate biblical marriage, we definitely need to include this law!<\/p>\n\u00a0<\/p>\n
All in the Family<\/strong><\/h2>\nSarah was Abraham\u2019s wife\u2026and sister.\u00a0 Need I say more?<\/p>\n
\u00a0<\/p>\n
All in the Family, Part 2<\/strong><\/h2>\nJacob married two sisters, Rachel and Leah.\u00a0 (I guess I did need to say more.)<\/p>\n
\u00a0<\/p>\n
All in the Family, Part 3\u00a0 <\/strong><\/h2>\n(Yep, still more\u2026)\u00a0According to the law of levirate marriage, if a man died and had no sons to carry on his name and take care of his widow, then that man\u2019s brother was obligated to marry her.\u00a0<\/strong> Jesus\u2019 detractors asked him about a hypothetical group of seven brothers who died one after the other, each one sharing the same wife.\u00a0 \u201cWho\u2019s wife will she be in the afterlife?\u201d they asked (Mark 12:22-24).\u00a0 Jesus didn\u2019t give them a straight answer\u2013but he never said that their scenario was far-fetched.\u00a0 If we want Christian marriage to be biblical, we need to make sure it\u2019s a family affair!<\/p>\n\u00a0<\/p>\n
The More, The Merrier!<\/strong><\/h2>\nAbraham was married to Sarah but had Hagar and Keturah as second-class wives.\u00a0 Jacob married two sisters, practically simultaneously.\u00a0<\/strong> King David had seven wives.\u00a0 Solomon boasted seven hundred wives and three hundred concubines (yes, those numbers are correct!)\u00a0 Even the New Testament does not forbid polygamy but simply says that church leaders must be monogamous.\u00a0 \u00a0Not all (or even most) biblical marriages were polyamorous\u2013but every example of multi-spouse marriagrs were polygamous (multiple wives).\u00a0 The Bible does not record a single instance of polygyny (multiple husbands), thereby displaying the uneven power dynamic of patriarchy.<\/p>\n\u00a0<\/p>\n
Right to Refuse?\u00a0\u00a0<\/strong><\/h2>\nGiven everything above, it should go without saying that women had no right to refuse.\u00a0<\/strong> They were the sexual property of their fathers until they were purchased by their husbands.\u00a0 Virginity was a commodity to be bought and sold.\u00a0 Marriages were not usually for love but were matches made for political gain or economic security.\u00a0 Women did as they were told, and accepted their lot in life.\u00a0 Does this sound like the kind of biblical marriage we want?<\/p>\n\u00a0<\/p>\n
Biblical Marriage?<\/h2>\n
By now, you can see that \u201cbiblical marriage\u201d is a phrase used by religious fundamentalists, to mean whatever they want it to mean.\u00a0<\/strong> It\u2019s easy for conservative Christians to claim that biblical marriage ought only to be between one man and one woman, for life.\u00a0 If they are going to use the Bible as a template for marriage so they can forbid homosexuality, they ought to go all the way and affirm arranged, polygamous marriages of child virgins who have been properly purchased by their much older (and circumcised) husbands.\u00a0 If, however, they are unprepared to bless pedophilic, forced, arranged, and polygamous marriages, then they must cease insisting on the Bible as a model for marriage.<\/p>\nConsistency is the key, people.\u00a0<\/strong> Rather than making rules for everybody else\u2019s marriages, let\u2019s consistently love those people who God has graciously placed in our lives.\u00a0 Let\u2019s remember Paul\u2019s words in 1 Corinthians 10:23,\u00a0\u201c\u2019I have the right to do anything,\u2019 you say\u2014but not everything is beneficial. \u2018I have the right to do anything\u2019\u2014but not everything is constructive.\u201d\u00a0 Just because you can\u2013doesn\u2019t mean you should.\u00a0 Not all forms of love build up both people in a relationship.\u00a0 And that goes for people inside\u2013and outside\u2013of marriage.<\/p>\nInstead of judging whether another person\u2019s relationship is \u201cbiblical,\u201d let\u2019s ask whether or not it\u2019s loving.\u00a0<\/strong> 1 Corinthians 13:4-8a is a good picture of what that kind of love ought to look like.<\/p>\nLove is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.\u00a0Love never\u00a0fails.\u00a0<\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\nThis is what God\u2019s love looks like.\u00a0<\/strong> Unlike Paul\u2019s outline above, pedophilic, forced, arranged, and polygamous marriages\u00a0do not<\/em>\u00a0resemble the love of God as found in 1 Corinthians 13.\u00a0 Neither do weddings between man and a woman where a spouse is abusive, manipulative, or unfaithful.\u00a0 True\u00a0human love ought to resemble the patient and kind, selfless love of Christ\u2013because we\u2019re made to love as God loves.\u00a0 And this is what biblical Marriage REALLY looks like.<\/p>\n\u00a0<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Not long after Marriage Equality was passed, the Baptist association of which my church was a member passed a resolution depicting biblical marriage as between one man and one woman, for life.\u00a0 I was the only pastor to voice opposition to this resolution.\u00a0 At the time, I was not free to express my affirmation of […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4628,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[33,26,173,1],"tags":[459,462,456],"class_list":["post-932","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-challenging-the-church","category-deconstruction","category-social-justice","category-uncategorized","tag-biblical-marriage","tag-gay-marriage","tag-polygamy-in-the-bible"],"yoast_head":"\n
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<\/a>