Here is something to think about:\u00a0 what if our child-centered parenting culture creates adults who are too self-indulgent to child-centered parent themselves?<\/p>\n
In other words, when we think about how our great grandmothers did it, with so much less in the way of household conveniences, is the answer that they were tougher, and also that they did less for their children, so in some ways it was not so demanding on them?\u00a0 I don\u2019t mean to romanticize the pioneer days, after all, one of my great grandmothers didn\u2019t get to raise her children because she died in the 1918 flu.\u00a0 But, my other great grandmothers, two of whom had as many children as I have, would have a good hard laugh about my complaints about my life being too difficult. I don\u2019t think that they spent nearly as much time as I do adjusting swim goggles.<\/p>\n
I have been thinking a lot about the advice that we can all take from JM\u2019s inlaws, who said that a family is not two people serving the children, it is all of us serving each other.\u00a0 In the 21st century, this is a totally radical concept, but if we apply it, we can lighten our own loads a bit and also better prepare our children for lives of service.<\/p>\n
For me, awareness of my own limits is one of the upsides of being often pregnant.\u00a0 \u201cChores\u201d began in our house about 5 years ago when I couldn\u2019t carry the laundry basket to the basement, so I asked my 6 year old to do it for me.\u00a0 With some sense of fairness, I decided that the 5 year old should empty the wastebaskets at the same time.\u00a0 We set up a routine for two nights a week, the nights that we did not have activities, and they did it after dinner.<\/p>\n
Here\u2019s the shocker \u2014 I had four children, ages 6, 5, and 3 year old twins, and I had never once, before that time, asked them to help in any way!\u00a0 It just had not occurred to me that they could or should.\u00a0 I was still buttoning all of their coats and tying all of their shoes!\u00a0 Is it any surprise that I was constantly on the verge of a nervous breakdown?<\/p>\n
A few years later, with two little ones needing supervised baths and four older ones still little enough to need bedtime stories, I enlisted help in getting the dishes cleaned up so that I would be free to read to them after the babies were in bed.\u00a0 Now we had a rotation for 4 \u2013 empty trash, gather laundry, clear table, do dishes.\u00a0 It took some training, but it has really paid off.\u00a0 My now seven year old can easily rinse the dishes, load and start the dishwasher and wipe down the kitchen counters.\u00a0 She does it without complaining because at this stage it is just part of what is expected of us.<\/p>\n
In this pregnancy, it became clear that I couldn\u2019t keep up with the after-bedtime laundry routine which I have used for the first 10 years of parenthood.\u00a0 I trained the older 4 children to do their own laundry and assigned them a day.\u00a0 We are still in the stage where we need to follow up and remind to make sure that this task gets really done, but we are getting there.\u00a0 I have already \u201ccontracted\u201d with my most responsible girl for a dollar a week to do the new baby\u2019s laundry.<\/p>\n
Another task that has gotten out of hand for us is grocery shopping.\u00a0 It would take me over an hour, and usually involved either a ton of stress or hired child care.\u00a0 Then, at the end of a unit on nutrition, I decided to take my kids to the store to spend time in the produce section talking about the fruits and vegetables.\u00a0 The next week, I tore off the produce part of my list and handed it to the older two (9 and 10), telling them to get their own cart and get all the produce.\u00a0 I went around the store with the others.\u00a0 Well, the twins (7) quickly wanted in on the action, so now I divide the list into several sections.\u00a0 One older child and one twin get the dairy, the others get the produce, and I take the little guys around for whatever dry goods are on the list.<\/p>\n
IT TAKES 20 MINUTES!\u00a0 And there is no stress or fighting because they are all entertained by their work. We save money, because we really only buy what is on the list!\u00a0 Now, some time does go in to making the list, but that is not time with six kids at the crowded store.\u00a0 Plus, I am giving them life skills, because they know how to grocery shop, and they are eating better, because they have a sense of ownership over the project.<\/p>\n