Mothering in our culture is a juggling act. \u00a0We balance tending to little ones, housework, big kid schedules, sports, academics, music, and Church obligations. \u00a0You name it, we juggle it. \u00a0And with a larger family, the juggling is both chaotic and expensive. \u00a0It only takes one brief trip to the grocery store corralling my 5 young children for a complete stranger to ask me how much I spend on groceries in a given week or how am I going to pay for college. \u00a0These well-meaning strangers are not trying to be rude, but rather they are poking and prodding me like a science experiment gone awry. \u00a0They are not only wondering how I juggle it all, but why I want to do so in the first place.<\/p>\n
And I don\u2019t blame them for being confused. \u00a0Every popular parenting book on the market these days is about raising a child, and what you need to give to that one child to develop him into a successful human being. \u00a0We are a self-obsessed, narcissistic culture, and so it is no wonder that all the parenting books have an individual focus. \u00a0You read about Tiger moms, and helicopter parents and hands-free parents. \u00a0You read about sleep training, schedules, and discipline. \u00a0You read about developmental milestones, academic achievement, and nutrition. \u00a0But what you don\u2019t read about, and what you really should read about, is the great gift of siblings.<\/p>\n
We aren\u2019t just raising a child over here. \u00a0We are raising a family. \u00a0We have given our children the gift of siblings, and we have prioritized that gift over other more material ones. \u00a0We have thought about what our children give to one another, and how we as parents are often able to step back and allow that very natural and wonderful sibling community to develop. \u00a0They should write books about what a big sister gives to a very little sister, or what two children less than 18 months apart give to one another, because those very real gifts are just as important as how many books Mom reads to her toddler every night or how many hours of baseball Dad plays in the backyard. \u00a0As the mother of a large family, the culture is regularly telling me and my kids what we are missing, what we are sacrificing, because there are so many children. \u00a0But we all need to look a little harder and see the very special and often intangible gifts that our children give to one another.<\/p>\n
These gifts are very real to me at the moment because my oldest daughter, Gianna, is away for the first time at camp. \u00a0On Sunday I dropped her and my goddaughter, MaryAlice\u2019s oldest girl, off at camp. \u00a0Being the parent of a first time camper has been very difficult, as I am missing my girl like crazy. \u00a0And so, in an effort to keep myself distracted, I cleaned out our school room and came across this beautiful note \u2014<\/p>\n
\u201cDear Gus and Charlie, (younger brothers ages 5 and 7), Please forgive me for yelling at you. \u00a0Now that I think about it it does sound like a stupid thing to yell about. \u00a0I hope we can work things out. \u00a0Love, Gianna\u201d<\/p>\n
Exchanges like this happen daily in our home (maybe not in written form!), and what real development and growth happens through them. \u00a0From little brothers and sisters stealing toys, to big brothers not allowing you in their room, my children are learning to give and take and live and love in a real community that isn\u2019t centered around them. \u00a0Even in the conflicts there is deep love.<\/p>\n
And it isn\u2019t just me that is missing Gianna like crazy. \u00a0Last night, Charlie came up and sat down with me on the sofa. \u00a0All the little ones were in bed and the house was very quiet. \u00a0He said to me, \u201cMom, I miss Gianna.\u201d \u00a0I replied, \u201cI miss her too. \u00a0I really miss her laugh, what do you miss the most about her?\u201d \u00a0Holding back tears, voice shaking, he said to me, \u201cI don\u2019t know, but the pictures of her are making me sad.\u201d<\/p>\n
And then I remembered the days when I was pregnant with Charlie and worried about how I would manage two children. \u00a0Would Gianna be missing out on that extra attention and love? \u00a0Were the kids too close together in age? \u00a0I wish I could tell my old self that these two would be the best of friends. \u00a0That they, and all the ones to come later, were a better gift than extra money in a college savings account, or a new home with a bigger backyard, or even more alone time with me.<\/p>\n
And so, at the end of the day, when a well meaning stranger in the grocery store wonders why we have so many children, my answer is pretty simple \u2014 we value people over things.<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Mothering in our culture is a juggling act. \u00a0We balance tending to little ones, housework, big kid schedules, sports, academics, music, and Church obligations. \u00a0You name it, we juggle it. \u00a0And with a larger family, the juggling is both chaotic and expensive. \u00a0It only takes one brief trip to the grocery store corralling my 5 […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":734,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4,13],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-7484","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-children","category-motherhood"],"yoast_head":"\n