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<\/p>\nThe Key<\/p>\n
I was there so often I was granted a key
\nYes, a church key
\nNo, not the kind used to open a bottle
\nIt was my very own, until further notice, church key
\nI did not flaunt it<\/p>\n
But I did spend countless hours cleaning, taking care of the plants
\nAnd best of all in prayer, prayer journaling-and writing some of my most devout poetry
\nBefore the Tabernacle in front of my Love\u2019s home
\nI was a working contemplative but did not know it yet<\/p>\n
At night I\u2019d go in the side entrance with the key and up the steps
\nTo be alone with Him
\nI lost that freedom on a dark night and the days became dark too<\/p>\n
I did not lose the key then, just the right to be alone there in the dark of night
\nWhen I visited alone, after work, my Love was in His home but void to me now
\nI felt empty, tears ran down my cheeks, my prayers seemed hollow, not holy, just empty
\nIf I never had the key at all I would not have realized how lonely I\u2019d be without Him
\nNor the depth His of Love<\/p>\n
Thank God for the key in what seems like something from another, much younger, life<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
You did not lose Jesus<\/p>\n
Jonnie Michell said \u201cYou don\u2019t know what you have till you lose it.\u201d I can\u2019t agree more. We have all felt some kind of loss in our lives. Loss can be devastating. What one person just seems to suffer through and come out appearing well enough, another in what seems, on paper, to have less of a loss can lead to crippling depression, anxiety, loneliness etc.<\/p>\n
We must remember that there is help out there for people who seem to grow a mental illness because of life\u2019s tough circumstances and those who inherit a mental illness biologically. There is no shame in reaching out for help. I\u2019m not down playing anyone\u2019s sufferings, rather the opposite.<\/p>\n
We can also suffer a spiritual darkness. This is not apathy but the opposite, mixed with suffering that feels like depression or loneliness. Who do we miss in this instance? God. Even if we are trying to pray, attending daily Mass, receiving the sacraments etc. Our greatest Love seems to be hiding Himself from us. That feels painful.<\/p>\n
God never promised that Christians would not suffer. The gospel of prosperity is a lie. Jesus himself suffered a lot. He died for us. We are meant to offer up our sufferings. In doing so we are relying more on God and less on ourselves. He is our true happiness. It sometimes happens that when a spiritual suffering of this sort seems to end, we are more joyful and more in love with Jesus than we might have been had we not suffered at all.<\/p>\n
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