How the New Members\u2019 Class Sets Men Up to Fail:<\/em><\/p>\nNew believers are told that church is going to be NONSTOP AWESOME. When it\u2019s not, they feel betrayed. Many new members cut back on their involvement, stop attending or depart for another church, simply because their congregation failed to live up to its own hype.<\/em><\/p>\nSo how should we handle the New Members\u2019 class? How can we present the good, the bad and the ugly of church life without scaring people away? Here\u2019s my suggestion.<\/p>\n
If I were leading your new members\u2019 class\u2026<\/strong><\/h4>\nI would start the class off the same way you normally do. Welcome the inquirers. Present the mission and vision of the church. Talk about what it means to be a member of a church and set some expectations.<\/p>\n
After a few minutes I\u2019d separate the men and the women. Here\u2019s the talk I\u2019d give to the men:<\/p>\n
What I\u2019d tell the men<\/strong><\/h4>\nHello men. Now that we\u2019re alone, I want to give you a choice.<\/p>\n
I can stick to the script: telling you all the wonderful things about our church and the benefits of being a Christian. Or I can tell you what it\u2019s really like to follow Jesus as a member of our church \u2013 warts and all.<\/p>\n
Who wants me to stick to the script, raise your hands?<\/p>\n
(A few hands may go up)<\/p>\n
And who wants to hear the real story, raise your hands.<\/p>\n
(Almost everyone will raise their hands)<\/p>\n
OK, you asked for it.<\/p>\n
In John chapter 6, Jesus said something so offensive that every one of his disciples abandoned him \u2013 except for the twelve.<\/p>\n
(Walk over to the door and open it)<\/p>\n
The things I\u2019m about to tell you will offend some of you. They may cause you to want to walk out this door. Church membership is not for everyone, so please feel free to step out. There\u2019s no shame. No judgment. No condemnation.<\/p>\n
I just want to make sure you understand what\u2019s being asked of you, and the gravity of the decision you\u2019re about to make.<\/p>\n
So let\u2019s begin. I\u2019m going to tell you three things you need to know before you join a church.<\/p>\n
Number one:\u00a0<\/strong>Jesus is not interested in churchgoers \u2013 he wants disciples. Followers. There is a difference.<\/h4>\nJesus\u2019s mission is to change the world \u2013 but first he must change your heart. \u00a0A lot of men resist this heart change. They don\u2019t mind learning about God, or serving God, but they resist when God tries to change them from the inside out.<\/p>\n
This was my story. I was a churchgoer for many years. I tried to be a good person, read the Bible and follow its commands. I kept failing. I looked good on the outside, but my personal life was a mess.<\/p>\n
So one day I prayed, \u201cGod, I am messing up my life on my own. From now on, you\u2019re the boss. Whatever you say I\u2019ll do.\u201d<\/p>\n
Instantly God began changing me from the inside out. First thing I did was call up a friend whom I had wronged and asked for forgiveness. All these gracious words started to pour out of my mouth \u2013 words that were not my own. This was the freakiest thing that had ever happened to me, but it felt so right.<\/p>\n
Over time my desires began to change. My habits changed. My obsessions changed. I said goodbye to some friends who dragged me down. The way I spent my time and my money changed too.<\/p>\n
Change is never easy. Like a drug addict going through withdrawals, my old nature continually fought to reassert itself. But over time, with the help of the Holy Spirit, and the support of my church I won more and more of these battles.<\/p>\n
This is what discipleship means: letting Jesus change you every day. Even when you don\u2019t want to. And this is what church membership means: surrounding yourself with brothers who will tell you the truth about yourself, even when you don\u2019t want to hear it.<\/p>\n
So, if you want to be a churchgoer, but not you\u2019re not willing to let God change you, then I suggest you NOT join our church. There\u2019s no shame if any of you would like to leave. There\u2019s the door.<\/p>\n
(10 seconds pass in silence)<\/p>\n
Number two:\u00a0<\/strong>Jesus doesn\u2019t want a partial commitment \u2013 he wants total commitment. Once you let him in, nothing is off limits.<\/h4>\nLet me tell you what this could mean. When I was a new Christian, one of my youth leaders said something I\u2019ve never forgotten:<\/p>\n
The Christian life, properly lived, will result in your death.<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\nChristianity may literally kill you.<\/p>\n
Church members follow Jesus into war zones. Into drug, crime and disease infested places. To dangerous lands where Christians are tortured and killed. Every day people lose their homes, their possessions and their very lives because of their faith in Jesus.<\/p>\n
Be warned: the commitment you are now considering may lead to poverty, dislocation and death.<\/p>\n
But even if you\u2019re never called to do something dangerous, I can guarantee you\u2019ll be called to do something courageous.<\/p>\n
You\u2019ll have to pray for that person who makes your life a living hell. You must forgive that person who abused you \u2013 or who abused someone you love. You\u2019ll have to give up your prejudices and love everyone, no matter how they look, where they\u2019re from or what they believe. You\u2019ll have to learn to spend less and give more. And you\u2019ll have to have speak up for Christ and his church even when it\u2019s embarrassing or costly to do so.<\/p>\n
So, if you have no interest in dying for Jesus, then I suggest you NOT join our church. There\u2019s no shame if any of you would like to leave. There\u2019s the door.<\/p>\n
(10 seconds pass in silence)<\/p>\n
Number three:\u00a0<\/strong>If you join this church, you will be betrayed. And your betrayer will be a fellow church member.<\/h4>\nBetrayals will come. Some will be large. Most will be small. After each betrayal you\u2019ll be tempted to quit.<\/p>\n
Many men join the church thinking, \u201cI\u2019ll stick with this church as long as it does right by me. As soon as things go sideways, I\u2019m outta here.\u201d If that\u2019s your attitude, you may want to rethink your decision to join.<\/p>\n
You\u2019ll experience small betrayals practically every week. A\u00a0pastor or teacher will say something that rubs you the wrong way. The music might be too loud or too soft or too modern or too old fashioned. The person singing beside you might be tone deaf, or cry \u201cAMEN\u201d at the wrong times. And some of the sermons will land like a dud.<\/p>\n
At times you\u2019ll feel like the church won\u2019t leave you alone, while other times you\u2019ll feel ignored. A fellow churchgoer will say something unkind. Your ideas might be dismissed or you may feel patronized. Christians will ignore your advice \u2014 or give you unwanted advice.<\/p>\n
If you join a small group or ministry team the possibility of betrayals multiplies. The leader will choose a dull curriculum. Somebody in your group may be weird, or says offensive things, or doesn\u2019t wash his hair, or always wants a hug. The prayer time will go on too long thanks to that member who\u2019s in love with her own voice. You may feel your gifts aren\u2019t wanted or needed. You may be assigned tasks you don\u2019t want to do.<\/p>\n
You\u2019ll lend a fellow churchgoer something \u2013 and never get it back. Your kid will get in a fight with another kid in the youth group. A fellow parishioner will give his 7-year-old a smartphone \u2013 and now your 7-year-old wants one. Members will spar over trivial things \u2013 coffee and carpet color and dress codes. You\u2019ll be caught in the middle of a power play between rival factions.<\/p>\n
These betrayals are particularly painful because the church is supposed to be perfect. After all, we\u2019re representatives of Christ, the only man who ever lived a sinless life. When the church fails to meet this lofty standard, it\u2019s natural to want to dismiss it.<\/p>\n
After each of these little betrayals a voice in your head will whisper, \u201cYou need to find another church.\u201d<\/p>\n
Or maybe the voice will say, \u201cChurch is toxic. You don\u2019t need organized religion to be close to God.\u201d<\/p>\n
Here\u2019s my point. Betrayal is not a sign that something is wrong. Instead, it\u2019s a sign that God is at work.<\/p>\n
Almost everyone in the Bible was betrayed. Abraham. Joseph. Moses. David. Paul. And of course, Jesus.<\/p>\n
As followers of Jesus, walking in his footsteps, why are we surprised when we too are betrayed?<\/p>\n
And who betrayed these heroes of the faith? Not some stranger. Someone close. A fellow traveler who shared their faith.<\/p>\n
These small betrayals and irritations are tests of your resolve. They are allowed by God to help you grow in patience, perseverance and forgiveness. Like a muscle that grows stronger as it is tested with exercise, your faith will grow stronger if you persevere through betrayal. God uses these betrayals to teach you how to stay in relationship with people who hurt or disappoint you.<\/p>\n
So that\u2019s my question to you: will you stick with us even when we disappoint you? When you feel betrayed?<\/p>\n
I\u2019m not saying you have to endure terrible abuse or false teaching. I\u2019m asking, \u201cCan you persevere through the normal tension that arises when people get together?\u201d The church is full of wonderful people, but they\u2019re people. They have their differences, their faults and their idiosyncrasies.<\/p>\n
Jesus spoke of a narrow, difficult path that leads to life. Think of your church as your hiking buddies \u2013 fellow travelers who can help you stay on that path. And as you mature in your faith, your job is to help others find and stay on this difficult path.<\/p>\n
Hiking with others can be difficult. But hiking alone can be deadly.<\/p>\n
So that\u2019s the reality of church life.<\/p>\n
\n- Jesus wants disciples \u2013 not churchgoers.<\/li>\n
- Jesus wants total commitment.<\/li>\n
- And you will be betrayed by this someone in this church.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
If you are not willing to walk this path, then I suggest you NOT join our church. There\u2019s no shame if any of you would like to leave. There\u2019s the door.<\/p>\n
(10 seconds pass in silence)<\/p>\n
All right, those of you who remain, you\u2019ve learned the truth about church. Your job is to help your wives and kids and friends persevere when the going gets tough. As the men in their lives, they are looking to you for strength. Steadfastness. They will take their cues from you. If you choose to join this church, then commit from this day to love it, to support it and defend it from all who would weaken it.<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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