{"id":1693,"date":"2014-02-23T07:00:00","date_gmt":"2014-02-23T07:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/admin.patheos.com\/blogs\/daffeythoughts\/2014\/02\/happy-birthday-dad.html"},"modified":"2014-02-23T07:00:00","modified_gmt":"2014-02-23T07:00:00","slug":"happy-birthday-dad","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/daffeythoughts\/2014\/02\/happy-birthday-dad.html","title":{"rendered":"Happy Birthday Dad"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>\n\n\n\n
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Dad as I\u2019ll always try to remember him, c. 1981<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n
Today would have been my Dad\u2019s 84th birthday. \u00a0Unfortunately, his life was cut short by Alzheimer\u2019s and a negligent nursing home. \u00a0We\u2019ll see about the nursing home. \u00a0Prayerfully they can find something to stop that dread disease from claiming others as it has so many. \u00a0Nonetheless, I do miss him. \u00a0I missed him during those years of decline when, in so many ways, he ceased being the man I knew.\u00a0<\/div>\n
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True, once he had his heart attack in 1988, he was never the same. \u00a0They say that changes a person. \u00a0He changed then. \u00a0In some ways, for the better. \u00a0He loosened up, became more affectionate, a little more silly. \u00a0But also more temperamental. \u00a0More stubborn. \u00a0It was tougher to reason with him (not that he was ever known for just giving in). \u00a0<\/div>\n
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By the late 90s, however, something was clearly wrong. \u00a0We would visit from Louisville. \u00a0While there, we would tell old stories. \u00a0You know, the same ones over and over that families tell. \u00a0Nothing new there. \u00a0Each visit would see us retelling the same stories. \u00a0But suddenly, Dad began retelling the ones we had already told during that same visit. \u00a0Soon, he was repeating stories from the same day.<\/div>\n
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Then he began to make mistakes, or forget things that were important. \u00a0Sadly, we still didn\u2019t put it together. \u00a0My Grandma on my Mom\u2019s side had similar problems, and we just attributed it to old age, and a stroke that she had. \u00a0By the early 00s, Dad\u2019s diabetes began playing havoc, and he had several low sugar attacks. Anyone who\u2019s ever seen that knows what I\u2019m talking about. \u00a0<\/div>\n
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From that point, it went down from there. \u00a0Unfortunately, my sister, whose husband (who recently passed away from cancer) was financially well off, was hit with sudden economic ruin. \u00a0Her husband\u2019s business partner did what too many business partners have done throughout the ages. \u00a0And, in fairness, he made some pretty bad (read: stupid) financial decisions. \u00a0By 2009, \u00a0they were forced to sell everything. \u00a0My parents, who had always lived near my sister, had to move several different times. \u00a0Anyone familiar with Alzheimer\u2019s knows that sort of constant upheaval is bad.\u00a0<\/div>\n
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My Mom, Dad and Sister and her husband moved down to where we are. \u00a0But things just fell apart. \u00a0My Mom couldn\u2019t watch him anymore. \u00a0We had to put him in a nursing home. \u00a0At first things went well. \u00a0For the first couple weeks. \u00a0But he was too far gone to stay in the part of the nursing home for self sufficient patients. \u00a0They moved him back to the high level care ward. \u00a0And then, within a couple weeks, he was gone. \u00a0Neglect mostly. \u00a0Not that he wouldn\u2019t have died. \u00a0But when we saw him just before he did, in soiled clothes, weight loss, dehydration, we knew he was being neglected. \u00a0We immediately began preparation to move him, but too late. \u00a0I saw him on Wednesday and realized he had to be moved. \u00a0By Sunday morning, April 3, 2011, after being rushed to the hospital on Friday morning, he was gone. \u00a0<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
I sometimes feel like we let him down. \u00a0For all he did for us, we just weren\u2019t there for him. \u00a0Still, there isn\u2019t much without hindsight to do differently. \u00a0I hate it now. \u00a0I miss him, and hate that his end came the way it did. \u00a0Naturally, the nursing home is part of a major corporation and we can\u2019t do a thing. \u00a0So all we can do at this point is remember. \u00a0Try to remember happier times. \u00a0Times before his passing. \u00a0Times before that wicked disease had stripped away everything that defined who my Dad was. \u00a0I know the Church teaches that suffering is just one of those things. \u00a0That\u2019s easier said than done. \u00a0The non-human initiated suffering of people has long since been the one fly in the theological ointment. \u00a0For all the thousands of years of contemplating, all we can ultimately says is some philosophical or academic version of \u2018let go and let God.\u2019 \u00a0Ultimate faith I guess.\u00a0<\/div>\n
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As for the rest of my blogging? \u00a0That is still in the works. \u00a0Our computer is still down, and our current financial conditions are such that getting it fixed or replaced is right behind that new yacht we\u2019ve been looking for. \u00a0But I wasn\u2019t going to let Dad\u2019s birthday go by. \u00a0I\u2019ve missed several milestones, and quite frankly, blogging itself is starting to lose a certain luster, one because of the nature of the blogosphere (including, alas, the Catholic blogosphere), and two, because of the change in my life\u2019s fortune, and the pretty solid sound of that door of ministry opportunity shutting in our diocese. \u00a0So where I\u2019ll be? \u00a0Can\u2019t say. \u00a0But I can say I miss you Dad. \u00a0Through \u00a0it all, I\u2019d give anything to have you here to have just a final hug, a final goodbye, to hear you say once more to \u2018take care of those boys.\u2019 \u00a0I hope I do. \u00a0I hope, in the end, I\u2019ll do half as good a job of that as you did taking care of me. \u00a0Rest in peace, and may God\u2019s angels hasten you to be in His presence forever.\u00a0<\/div>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Dad as I\u2019ll always try to remember him, c. 1981 Today would have been my Dad\u2019s 84th birthday. \u00a0Unfortunately, his life was cut short by Alzheimer\u2019s and a negligent nursing home. \u00a0We\u2019ll see about the nursing home. \u00a0Prayerfully they can find something to stop that dread disease from claiming others as it has so many. […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2805,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1693","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"yoast_head":"\nHappy Birthday Dad<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Dad as I'll always try to remember him, c. 1981Today would have been my Dad's 84th birthday.  Unfortunately, his life was cut short by Alzheimer's\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/daffeythoughts\/2014\/02\/happy-birthday-dad.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Happy Birthday Dad\" \/>\n<meta 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