![\"Sunrise,](\"https:\/\/wp-media.patheos.com\/blogs\/sites\/186\/2015\/04\/800px-Celtic_cross_Knock_Ireland.jpg\")
<\/a>I realize that I posted a melancholy blog entry about her just a few days ago, so I apologize for returning to her again so soon. \u00a0But the previous entry marked her birthday and this one commemorates the day of her death. \u00a0Her life was that brief.<\/p>\n
I maintain a blog for many reasons. \u00a0One of them is purely personal: \u00a0It\u2019s a kind of journal for me, and, even more particularly, it\u2019s a way of remembering things, and especially of remembering people, whose memory I refuse to allow to be wholly lost.<\/p>\n
So, for instance, I\u2019m afraid that readers of this blog will have to put up with my regular yearly memorials to my brother and my parents.<\/p>\n
Today marks the eleventh anniversary of the death of our first granddaughter. \u00a0She lived only four days. \u00a0She spent her entire brief mortal life in a hospital in Orlando, Florida.<\/p>\n
We knew her so very briefly that, to my shame and horror, I sometimes find myself forgetting to mention her when people ask about my grandchildren.<\/p>\n
But I\u2019m determined that I will not forget her. \u00a0Hence, among other things, this blog entry.<\/p>\n
When we recognized that Lena would die, being in the maternity ward of that hospital was agonizing. \u00a0All around us were sounds of joy. \u00a0Happy grandparents. \u00a0Happy aunts and uncles. \u00a0And we had . . . nothing. \u00a0Worse<\/em> than nothing.<\/p>\n But there was something that my wife and I could<\/em> do. \u00a0At my son\u2019s apartment, a room had been brightly decorated for Lena\u2019s arrival. \u00a0Bright colors. \u00a0Animals. \u00a0A mobile. \u00a0We hurried to their place and stripped the room down, returning the toys and the crib and everything else to the stores from which they had come \u2014 and where the people, in sympathy and kindness, were remarkably helpful. \u00a0We didn\u2019t want that room to mock our son and our daughter-in-law when they came bleakly home.<\/p>\n We had come to Florida to help when the baby arrived. \u00a0It had been a very difficult pregnancy, but the baby seemed healthy. \u00a0I had no sense, departing on the flight, that I would soon be presiding and speaking \u00a0at a small graveside funeral.<\/p>\n Here are the comments that I read at Lena\u2019s funeral service in Miami in June, 2014. \u00a0I almost never read talks, but at the funerals of my father, my mother, my brother, and my granddaughter, I saw no practical way to do anything else.<\/p>\n These are remarks that no father or grandfather, no parent, should ever need to give. It\u2019s wrong, unfair, for a member of an older generation to be required to speak at a funeral for someone of the younger generation. Still, I\u2019m grateful that Jeff and Ceci have asked me to speak. I hope that I can be a voice here for all of us, and that I can do it without breaking down.<\/span><\/p>\n Jeff and Ceci\u2019s experience over the past week has been as bitter as this life offers. And it pains us to see our children\u2014for we still think of them as our children\u2014go through anything like this.<\/span><\/p>\n I\u2019m so sorry for what has happened; as I\u2019ve told both Jeff and Ceci several times, I would have done virtually anything to have spared them this experience. I\u2019m sure that\u2019s true for others here, as well.<\/span><\/p>\n We also lament the things that we will not have. I had not realized, until I knew that I wouldn\u2019t have the opportunity, how much I was looking forward to taking Lena to Disneyworld and to hearing her squeal with delight as she discovered Disney cartoons. There in Orlando, though, in the hospital\u2019s Walt Disney Pavilion, surrounded by Disney cartoon characters in the lobby, it hit me hard. Now, too, she\u2019ll never be able to dance with her grandfather, Andres. Her great grandmother and great aunt and grandmother won\u2019t be able to introduce her to Cuban cooking.<\/span><\/p>\n We can\u2019t begin to calculate our loss.<\/span><\/p>\n Still, there are things to be thankful for. I\u2019m grateful for Ceci\u2019s remarkable extended family\u2014for the astonishing way they\u2019ve supported her and Jeff, and not merely over these past two terrible weeks. A German friend sent us a very kind note the other day, and shared a German saying with us: \u201cGeteilte Freude ist doppelte Freude,\u201d she wrote, and \u201cgeteilter Schmerz halber Schmerz.\u201d \u201cShared joy is double joy; shared pain is half pain.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n There is much truth in this, and Debbie and I both feel that we\u2019ve come to know and love Ceci\u2019s family\u2014and even, in a way, to know and love Jeff and Ceci themselves\u2014much better through this horrible shared experience.<\/span><\/p>\n We didn\u2019t have the opportunity to get to know little Lena Alaia, but she\u2019s had a large and, we hope, a permanent effect on us. I happened across this saying last night: \u201cThere is no foot too small that it cannot leave an imprint on the world.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n Lena certainly has.<\/span><\/p>\n We\u2019re also so very proud of Jeff and Ceci. We live in a world that seems increasingly self-centered, but they were willing to bring a child into their home, and to care and sacrifice and, yes, run risks for that child. We hope and pray that they won\u2019t become discouraged.<\/span><\/p>\n So very many things have gone wrong in this story. They\u2019ve hurt, and sometimes, honestly, they\u2019ve made us angry. But, in the end, only a few things really matter. Only a few things need to be clearly remembered.<\/span><\/p>\n The first, of course, is Lena Alaia herself. She was only briefly here, but she will always be a member of the family.<\/span><\/p>\n Latter-day Saints believe this to be literally true. When Jeff and Ceci went to the Orlando Temple three years ago, their marriage was sealed in that sacred building, by special priesthood authority, for time and all eternity, so that it will continue beyond death. But not only that: Because of the ordinance performed in that temple, any children who come into their family\u2014even, as in Lena\u2019s case, if it\u2019s only for a few hours or days\u2014will continue to be their sons or daughters forever.<\/span><\/p>\n And now I want to briefly mention some other comforting truths that need to be understood and remembered:<\/span><\/p>\n The Book of Mormon prophet Alma learned by revelation, and taught, that, when they die, \u201cthe spirits of those who are righteous are received into a state of happiness, which is called paradise, a state of rest, a state of peace, where they shall rest from all their troubles and from all care, and sorrow.\u201d (Alma 40:12)<\/span><\/p>\n That is where Lena now is. In the most important sense, she is not dead, though her earthly body is. She is not asleep. She is fully awake and alive. She is a conscious person. Yet her troubles and pains, if in fact she ever felt any, are now forever past. She has triumphed. In a very real sense, we here, in our pains and sorrows, have reason to envy her.<\/span><\/p>\n Her name is so very perfect: Lena Alaia. A ray of light. A torch in the darkness. Joyous. Sublime.<\/span><\/p>\n But those righteous spirits in paradise will someday receive their bodies back again, in the resurrection. As Alma put it, \u201cThe soul shall be restored to the body, and the body to the soul; yea, and every limb and joint shall be restored to its body; yea, even a hair of the head shall not be lost; but all things shall be restored to their proper and perfect frame. . . . And then shall the righteous shine forth in the kingdom of God.\u201d (Alma 40:23, 25)<\/span><\/p>\n And body and spirit, \u201cinseparably connected, receive a fullness of joy.\u201d (Doctrine and Covenants 93:33)<\/span><\/p>\n But what of a little child? What of a newborn like Lena?<\/span><\/p>\n We lament what we\u2019ve lost. But perhaps we\u2019re focused too much on our own pain. Perhaps, if the words of prophets and apostles and of those who have glimpsed the next world are true, we\u2019re like people living in a slum, sad that one of our friends has been taken away. We think of all the experiences that our friend won\u2019t have with us\u2014but our friend has been invited to live in the palace of the king. Our friend is living a life far better, in a place far more beautiful, than we can even begin to comprehend.<\/span><\/p>\n The Prophet Joseph Smith taught that \u201cThe Lord takes many away, even in infancy, that they may escape the envy of man, and the sorrows and evils of this present world; they were too pure, too lovely, to live on earth.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n Still, the prophet Mormon wrote, \u201clittle children are alive in Christ, even from the foundation of the world.\u201d (Moroni 8:12)<\/span><\/p>\n Joseph Smith was given a powerful vision in January 1836 of the world of spirits. He learned a great deal from what he saw. Here is one of the things that he learned: \u201cI . . . beheld that all children who die before they arrive at the years of accountability are saved in the celestial kingdom of heaven.\u201d (Doctrine and Covenants 137:10)<\/span><\/p>\n He also taught that infants who die will rise in the resurrection as children. On one occasion, he pointed to the mother of such a child who had died and said to her, \u201cYou will have the joy, the pleasure, and satisfaction of nurturing this child, after its resurrection, until it reaches the full [adult] stature of its spirit.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n Lena\u2019s defective and injured little earthly body will be perfect.<\/span><\/p>\n We love and miss Lena Alaia. We wish that she could have stayed with us. But she is safe now, beyond pain. And, if we live our lives as we should, we will see her again. We will come to know her as the wonderful person she is.<\/span><\/p>\n In that day, as John the Revelator testifies at the very end of the Bible, \u201cGod shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.\u201d (Revelation 21:4)<\/span><\/p>\n In the meantime, we can know something with certainty. Something that should be of enormous comfort: Lena didn\u2019t die alone. Not on this side. And not on the other side. Nobody ever dies alone. She was welcomed there, as a \u201cnewborn,\u201d by loving, caring relatives. I suspect that my father, mother, and brother were among them. And, there too, I believe, she has brought two families closer together.<\/span><\/p>\n These things are true. And they\u2019re wonderful. They don\u2019t remove the pain, or dull the ache of loss. They\u2019re not supposed to do that. But they give us hope.<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n As I say, I expect that few will have any desire to read through this entry. \u00a0And that\u2019s fine. \u00a0They don\u2019t need to care. \u00a0We all have our own lives, our own pressing obligations and interests and, yes, our own griefs.<\/p>\n I post this, as much as anything, for myself.<\/p>\n And, in doing it, I\u2019m reminded of a story from the life of Muhammad, the founder of Islam, that has touched me since I first encountered it:<\/p>\n When, sometime between late 630 AD and early 632 AD, Muhammad realized that his infant son, Ibrahim \u2014 the only son he would ever have \u2014 would probably not survive, he was so shocked that he needed help to walk. \u00a0(He himself would die on 8 June AD 632.) \u00a0His hands shaking, he placed the baby in his lap. \u00a0\u201cO Ibrahim,\u201d he said to his son, \u201cwe cannot do a thing for you against the judgment of God.\u201d \u00a0And then he fell into silent sobbing. \u00a0As the child continued to sink, his mother and his aunt, who were watching, wailed in despair. \u00a0Some expected Muhammad to rebuke them, but he didn\u2019t.<\/p>\n Finally, Ibrahim\u2019s breathing stopped, and Muhammad knew that he was dead. \u00a0\u201cO Ibrahim,\u201d he said, addressing his son, \u201cif it were not a certainty that the last of us will eventually join the first, we would have mourned you even more than we already do now.\u201d \u00a0Then, trying to comfort the two women (and, probably, himself), Muhammad assured them that Ibrahim would have his own nurse in the gardens of Paradise.<\/p>\n Muhammad and others carried Ibrahim\u2019s body to the nearby cemetery, where, after the Prophet had prayed, the tiny boy was lowered into a grave. \u00a0Muhammad himself filled the hole with sand, sprinkled some water upon his son\u2019s burial place, and then marked the grave with a stone. \u00a0\u201cTombstones,\u201d he remarked, half speaking to himself, \u201cdo neither good nor harm. \u00a0But they make the living feel a bit better.\u201d<\/p>\n Hearing what we were going through, my Canadian friend Greg Smith<\/a> called my attention to a song by the Canadian singer Craig Cardiff<\/a>. \u00a0It\u2019s entitled \u201cSmallest Wingless,\u201d<\/a> and I listened to it over and over and over again during those darkest days of my life thus far. \u00a0I still can\u2019t listen to it (even just now) without tearing up. \u00a0And, yet, it was and it remains a mercy and a gift to me:<\/p>\n Dear one, we\u2019ve been waiting for you, \u00a0<\/p>\n \u00a0<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" \u00a0 I realize that I posted a melancholy blog entry about her just a few days ago, so I apologize for returning to her again so soon. \u00a0But the previous entry marked her birthday and this one commemorates the day of her death. \u00a0Her life was that brief. I maintain a blog for many reasons. […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1019,"featured_media":19322,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[23543,1104,23537,1011,23546,23549],"class_list":["post-110777","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-craig-cardiff","tag-death","tag-lena-alaia","tag-life-after-death","tag-smallest","tag-wingless"],"yoast_head":"\n
\nThrilled, beside ourselves that you\u2019ve arrived.
\nWhite coats came in, heads held low,
\nTalked for a bit, shuffled outside
\nWe closed the curtains
\nAnd held each other
\nAnd cried.
\nWe said hello
\nAt the same time
\nThat we said goodbye.
\nAnd smallest and wingless
\nLeaving as soon as you\u2019d arrived.
\nBut sadness is just love wasted
\nWith no little heart to place it inside.
\nWe closed the curtains
\nAnd held each other
\nAnd cried.
\nWe said hello
\nAt the same time
\nThat we said goodbye.
\nWe closed the curtains
\nHeld one another
\nAnd cried.
\nWe said hello
\nAt the same time
\nThat we said goodbye.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n