{"id":34357,"date":"2016-06-16T01:10:05","date_gmt":"2016-06-16T07:10:05","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/admin.patheos.com\/blogs\/danpeterson\/?p=34357"},"modified":"2016-06-16T01:10:05","modified_gmt":"2016-06-16T07:10:05","slug":"on-the-second-anniversary-of-her-death","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/danpeterson\/2016\/06\/on-the-second-anniversary-of-her-death.html","title":{"rendered":"On the second anniversary of her death"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

\u00a0<\/p>\n

\"Florida's — The Orlando Florida Temple (LDS.org)<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n
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As I\u2019ve explained, I maintain a blog for many reasons.<\/p>\n
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One of them is purely personal: \u00a0It\u2019s a kind of journal for me, and, even more particularly, it\u2019s a way of remembering things, and especially of remembering people, whose memory I refuse to allow to be wholly lost.<\/p>\n
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So, for instance, I\u2019m afraid that readers of this blog will have to put up with my regular yearly memorials to my brother and my parents.<\/p>\n
\u00a0<\/p>\n
Today marks the second anniversary of the death of our first granddaughter. \u00a0She spent her entire brief mortal life in a hospital in Orlando, Florida.<\/p>\n
\u00a0<\/p>\n
We knew her so very briefly that, to my shame and horror, I sometimes find myself forgetting that I\u2019m a grandfather, and that I have a granddaughter.<\/p>\n
\u00a0<\/p>\n
I\u2019m determined that that will not happen to her or to me.<\/p>\n
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Hence, among other things, this blog entry.<\/p>\n
\u00a0<\/p>\n
Hence, too, the entry that I posted earlier this week<\/a> on the second anniversary of her birth:<\/p>\n
\u00a0<\/p>\n
For Lena<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n
<\/iframe><\/p>\n<p>\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>And here are the comments\u00a0that I read at her funeral in Miami, the little graveside service that I also conducted. \u00a0I almost\u00a0never read talks, but at the funerals of my father, my mother, my brother, and my granddaughter, I saw no practical way to do anything else.\u00a0 I was concerned that I wouldn\u2019t have the presence of mind to say what I wanted to say; more importantly, I was worried that I couldn\u2019t get through the talks at all.<\/p>\n<p>\u00a0<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #003300;\"><strong>These are remarks that no father or grandfather, no parent, should ever need to give. It\u2019s wrong, unfair, for a member of an older generation to be required to speak at a funeral for someone of the younger generation. Still, I\u2019m grateful that Jeff and Ceci have asked me to speak. I hope that I can be a voice here for all of us, and that I can do it without breaking down.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #003300;\"><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #003300;\"><strong>Jeff and Ceci\u2019s experience over the past week has been as bitter as this life offers. And it pains us to see our children\u2014for we still think of them as our children\u2014go through anything like this.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #003300;\"><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #003300;\"><strong>I\u2019m so sorry for what has happened; as I\u2019ve told both Jeff and Ceci several times, I would have done virtually anything to have spared them this experience. I\u2019m sure that\u2019s true for others here, as well.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #003300;\"><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #003300;\"><strong>We also lament the things that we will not have. I had not realized, until I knew that I wouldn\u2019t have the opportunity, how much I was looking forward to taking Lena to Disneyworld and to hearing her squeal with delight as she discovered Disney cartoons. There in Orlando, though, in the hospital\u2019s Walt Disney Pavilion, surrounded by Disney cartoon characters in the lobby, it hit me hard. Now, too, she\u2019ll never be able to dance with her grandfather, Andres. Her great grandmother and great aunt and grandmother won\u2019t be able to introduce her to Cuban cooking.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #003300;\"><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #003300;\"><strong>We can\u2019t begin to calculate our loss.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #003300;\"><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #003300;\"><strong>Still, there are things to be thankful for. I\u2019m grateful for Ceci\u2019s remarkable extended family\u2014for the astonishing way they\u2019ve supported her and Jeff, and not merely over these past two terrible weeks. A German friend sent us a very kind note the other day, and shared a German saying with us: \u201cGeteilte Freude ist doppelte Freude,\u201d she wrote, and \u201cgeteilter Schmerz halber Schmerz.\u201d \u201cShared joy is double joy; shared pain is half pain.\u201d<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #003300;\"><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #003300;\"><strong>There is much truth in this, and Debbie and I both feel that we\u2019ve come to know and love Ceci\u2019s family\u2014and even, in a way, to know and love Jeff and Ceci themselves\u2014much better through this horrible shared experience.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #003300;\"><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #003300;\"><strong>We didn\u2019t have the opportunity to get to know little Lena Alaia, but she\u2019s had a large and, we hope, a permanent effect on us. I happened across this saying last night: \u201cThere is no foot too small that it cannot leave an imprint on the world.\u201d<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #003300;\"><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #003300;\"><strong>Lena certainly has.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #003300;\"><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #003300;\"><strong>We\u2019re also so very proud of Jeff and Ceci. We live in a world that seems increasingly self-centered, but they were willing to bring a child into their home, and to care and sacrifice and, yes, run risks for that child. We hope and pray that they won\u2019t become discouraged.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #003300;\"><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #003300;\"><strong>So very many things have gone wrong in this story. They\u2019ve hurt, and sometimes, honestly, they\u2019ve made us angry. But, in the end, only a few things really matter. Only a few things need to be clearly remembered.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #003300;\"><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #003300;\"><strong>The first, of course, is Lena Alaia herself. She was only briefly here, but she will always be a member of the family.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #003300;\"><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #003300;\"><strong>Latter-day Saints believe this to be literally true. When Jeff and Ceci went to the Orlando Temple three years ago, their marriage was sealed in that sacred building, by special priesthood authority, for time and all eternity, so that it will continue beyond death. But not only that: Because of the ordinance performed in that temple, any children who come into their family\u2014even, as in Lena\u2019s case, if it\u2019s only for a few hours or days\u2014will continue to be their sons or daughters forever.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #003300;\"><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #003300;\"><strong>And now I want to briefly mention some other comforting truths that need to be understood and remembered:<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #003300;\"><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #003300;\"><strong>The Book of Mormon prophet Alma learned by revelation, and taught, that, when they die, \u201cthe spirits of those who are righteous are received into a state of happiness, which is called paradise, a state of rest, a state of peace, where they shall rest from all their troubles and from all care, and sorrow.\u201d (Alma 40:12)<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #003300;\"><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #003300;\"><strong>That is where Lena now is. In the most important sense, she is not dead, though her earthly body is. She is not asleep. She is fully awake and alive. She is a conscious person. Yet her troubles and pains, if in fact she ever felt any, are now forever past. She has triumphed. In a very real sense, we here, in our pains and sorrows, have reason to envy her.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #003300;\"><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #003300;\"><strong>Her name is so very perfect: Lena Alaia. A ray of light. A torch in the darkness. Joyous. Sublime.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #003300;\"><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #003300;\"><strong>But those righteous spirits in paradise will someday receive their bodies back again, in the resurrection. As Alma put it, \u201cThe soul shall be restored to the body, and the body to the soul; yea, and every limb and joint shall be restored to its body; yea, even a hair of the head shall not be lost; but all things shall be restored to their proper and perfect frame. . . . And then shall the righteous shine forth in the kingdom of God.\u201d (Alma 40:23, 25)<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #003300;\"><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #003300;\"><strong>And body and spirit, \u201cinseparably connected, receive a fullness of joy.\u201d (Doctrine and Covenants 93:33)<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #003300;\"><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #003300;\"><strong>But what of a little child? What of a newborn like Lena?<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #003300;\"><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #003300;\"><strong>We lament what we\u2019ve lost. But perhaps we\u2019re focused too much on our own pain. Perhaps, if the words of prophets and apostles and of those who have glimpsed the next world are true, we\u2019re like people living in a slum, sad that one of our friends has been taken away. We think of all the experiences that our friend won\u2019t have with us\u2014but our friend has been invited to live in the palace of the king. Our friend is living a life far better, in a place far more beautiful, than we can even begin to comprehend.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #003300;\"><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #003300;\"><strong>The Prophet Joseph Smith taught that \u201cThe Lord takes many away, even in infancy, that they may escape the envy of man, and the sorrows and evils of this present world; they were too pure, too lovely, to live on earth.\u201d<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #003300;\"><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #003300;\"><strong>Still, the prophet Mormon wrote, \u201clittle children are alive in Christ, even from the foundation of the world.\u201d (Moroni 8:12)<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #003300;\"><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #003300;\"><strong>Joseph Smith was given a powerful vision in January 1836 of the world of spirits. He learned a great deal from what he saw. Here is one of the things that he learned: \u201cI . . . beheld that all children who die before they arrive at the years of accountability are saved in the celestial kingdom of heaven.\u201d (Doctrine and Covenants 137:10)<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #003300;\"><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #003300;\"><strong>He also taught that infants who die will rise in the resurrection as children. On one occasion, he pointed to the mother of such a child who had died and said to her, \u201cYou will have the joy, the pleasure, and satisfaction of nurturing this child, after its resurrection, until it reaches the full [adult] stature of its spirit.\u201d<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #003300;\"><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #003300;\"><strong>Lena\u2019s defective and injured little earthly body will be perfect.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #003300;\"><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #003300;\"><strong>We love and miss Lena Alaia. We wish that she could have stayed with us. But she is safe now, beyond pain. And, if we live our lives as we should, we will see her again. We will come to know her as the wonderful person she is.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #003300;\"><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #003300;\"><strong>In that day, as John the Revelator testifies at the very end of the Bible, \u201cGod shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.\u201d (Revelation 21:4)<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #003300;\"><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #003300;\"><strong>In the meantime, we can know something with certainty. Something that should be of enormous comfort: Lena didn\u2019t die alone. Not on this side. And not on the other side. Nobody ever dies alone. She was welcomed there, as a \u201cnewborn,\u201d by loving, caring relatives. I suspect that my father, mother, and brother were among them. And, there too, I believe, she has brought two families closer together.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #003300;\"><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #003300;\"><strong>These things are true. And they\u2019re wonderful. They don\u2019t remove the pain, or dull the ache of loss. They\u2019re not supposed to do that. But they give us hope.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>As I say, I expect that few will have any desire to read\u00a0through this entry. \u00a0And that\u2019s fine. \u00a0They don\u2019t need to care. \u00a0We all have our own lives, our own pressing obligations and interests and, yes, griefs.<\/p>\n<p>\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>I post this, as much as anything, for myself.<\/p>\n<p>\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>And, in doing it, I\u2019m reminded of a story from the life of Muhammad, the founder of Islam, that has touched me since I first encountered it:<\/p>\n<p>\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>When, sometime between late 630 AD and early 632 AD, Muhammad realized that his infant son, Ibrahim \u2014 the only son he would ever have \u2014 would probably not survive, he was so shocked that he needed help to walk. \u00a0(He himself would die on 8 June AD 632.) \u00a0His hands shaking, he placed the baby in his lap. \u00a0\u201cO Ibrahim,\u201d he said to his son, \u201cwe cannot do a thing for you against the judgment of God.\u201d \u00a0And then he fell into silent sobbing. \u00a0As the child continued to sink, his mother and his aunt, who were watching, wailed in despair. \u00a0Some expected Muhammad to rebuke them, but he didn\u2019t.<\/p>\n<p>\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>Finally, Ibrahim\u2019s breathing stopped, and Muhammad knew that he was dead. \u00a0\u201cO Ibrahim,\u201d he said, addressing his son, \u201cif it were not a certainty that the last of us will eventually join the first, we would have mourned you even more than we already do now.\u201d \u00a0Then, trying to comfort the two women (and, probably, himself), Muhammad assured them that Ibrahim would have his own nurse in the gardens of Paradise.<\/p>\n<p>\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>Muhammad and others carried Ibrahim\u2019s body to the nearby cemetery, where, after the Prophet had prayed, the tiny boy was lowered into a grave. \u00a0Muhammad himself filled the hole with sand, sprinkled some water upon his son\u2019s burial place, and then marked the grave with a stone. \u00a0\u201cTombstones,\u201d he remarked, half speaking to himself, \u201cdo neither good nor harm. \u00a0But they make the living feel a bit better.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u00a0<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: right;\">Posted from Stockholm, Sweden<\/p>\n<p>\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>\u00a0<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>\u00a0 \u00a0 As I\u2019ve explained, I maintain a blog for many reasons. \u00a0 One of them is purely personal: \u00a0It\u2019s a kind of journal for me, and, even more particularly, it\u2019s a way of remembering things, and especially of remembering people, whose memory I refuse to allow to be wholly lost. \u00a0 So, for instance, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1019,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-34357","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v21.1 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>On the second anniversary of her death<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"    As I\u2019ve explained, I maintain a blog for many reasons.   One of them is purely personal: \u00a0It\u2019s a kind of journal for me, and, even more\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/danpeterson\/2016\/06\/on-the-second-anniversary-of-her-death.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" 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