This here\u2019s whar I\u2019m a-headed. I jes\u2019 need a hound dawg and a squirrel gun to make my life complete!
(Wikimedia Commons public domain photo)<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\u00a0<\/p>\n
As I contemplate the idea of retirement (from my job, though emphatically not from my work), I\u2019ve found this document quite useful. \u00a0It was shared with me earlier today by my friend Louis Midgley; I don\u2019t know its original source:<\/p>\n
\u00a0<\/p>\n
Retirement locations evaluated\u2026.<\/span><\/p>\nYou can retire to Arizona where:<\/span><\/p>\n1. You are willing to park three blocks away from your house because you found shade.<\/span><\/p>\n2. You\u2019ve experienced condensation on your rear end from the hot water in the toilet bowl.<\/span><\/p>\n3. You can drive for four hours in one direction and never leave town.<\/span><\/p>\n4. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.<\/span><\/p>\n5. You know that \u201cdry heat\u201d is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door at 500 degrees.<\/span><\/p>\n6. The four seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??<\/span><\/p>\n-OR-<\/span><\/p>\nYou can retire to California where:<\/span><\/p>\n1. You make over $500,000 and you still can\u2019t afford to buy a house.<\/span><\/p>\n2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.<\/span><\/p>\n3. You know how to eat an artichoke.<\/span><\/p>\n4. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there, rather than how many miles away it is.<\/span><\/p>\n5. The four seasons are Fire, Flood, Mud, and Drought.<\/span><\/p>\n6. You can live on the beach for free. All you need is a shopping cart, a blanket, a wine bottle, and a dog.<\/span><\/p>\n-OR-<\/span><\/p>\nYou can retire to New York City where:<\/span><\/p>\n1 You say \u201cthe city\u201d and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan.<\/span><\/p>\n2. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can\u2019t find Wisconsin on a map.<\/span><\/p>\n3. You think Central Park is \u201cnature.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n4. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multilingual.<\/span><\/p>\n5. You\u2019ve worn out a car horn (IF you have a car).<\/span><\/p>\n6. You think eye contact is an act of aggression.<\/span><\/p>\n7. Of course, nobody really plans to retire in NYC, they plan on going to Florida, but die first.<\/span><\/p>\n-OR-<\/span><\/p>\nYou can retire to New Jersey where:<\/span><\/p>\n1. Nobody retires in New Jersey, except people from New York.<\/span><\/p>\n-OR-<\/span><\/p>\nYou can retire to Minnesota where:<\/span><\/p>\n1. You only have three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup.<\/span><\/p>\n2. Halloween costumes have to fit over parkas.<\/span><\/p>\n3. You have seventeen recipes for casserole.<\/span><\/p>\n4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.<\/span><\/p>\n5. The four seasons are almost winter, winter, still winter, and road repair.<\/span><\/p>\nOR-<\/span><\/p>\nYou can retire to The Deep South where:<\/span><\/p>\n1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.<\/span><\/p>\n2. \u201cY\u2019all\u201d is singular and \u201call y\u2019all\u201d is plural.<\/span><\/p>\n3. \u201cHe needed killin\u201d is a valid defense.<\/span><\/p>\n4. Everyone has two first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Joe Bob, Betty Jean, Mary Beth, etc.<\/span><\/p>\n5. Everything is either: \u201cin yonder,\u201d \u201cover yonder\u201d or \u201cout yonder. \u201d<\/span><\/p>\n6. You can say anything about anyone, as long as you say \u201cBless his heart\u201d at the end!<\/span><\/p>\n-OR-<\/span><\/p>\nYou can move to Colorado where:<\/span><\/p>\n1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.<\/span><\/p>\n2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home, so he stops at the daycare center.<\/span><\/p>\n3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.<\/span><\/p>\n4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a ponytail.<\/span><\/p>\n-OR-<\/span><\/p>\nYou can retire to Nebraska or Kansas where:<\/span><\/p>\n1. You\u2019ve never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.<\/span><\/p>\n2. Your idea of a traffic jam is three cars waiting to pass a tractor.<\/span><\/p>\n3. You have had to switch from \u201cheat\u201d to \u201cA\/C\u201d on the same day.<\/span><\/p>\n4. You end every sentence with a preposition; \u201cWhere\u2019s my coat at?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n-OR-<\/span><\/p>\nFINALLY, you can retire to Florida where:<\/span><\/p>\n1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon for $2.<\/span><\/p>\n2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind \u2013 even houses and cars.<\/span><\/p>\n3. Everyone can recommend an excellent cardiologist, dermatologist, proctologist, podiatrist, or orthopedist.<\/span><\/p>\n4. It\u2019s just as hot as Arizona, only they have humidity.<\/span><\/p>\n5. If you\u2019re 65 they consider you a youngster.<\/span><\/p>\n6. When you vote for a president you generally are not around for the second term.<\/span><\/p>\n7. Where you thought you would get away from all the butt head\u2019s in NY and NJ.<\/span><\/p>\n\u00a0<\/p>\n
\u00a0<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
\u00a0 \u00a0 As I contemplate the idea of retirement (from my job, though emphatically not from my work), I\u2019ve found this document quite useful. \u00a0It was shared with me earlier today by my friend Louis Midgley; I don\u2019t know its original source: \u00a0 Retirement locations evaluated\u2026. You can retire to Arizona where: 1. You are […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1019,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[1697,5550,10615,13081,13075,13090,13066,13087,13078,2265,13084,13069,13072,13063,8712],"class_list":["post-86260","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-arizona","tag-california","tag-colorado","tag-deep-south","tag-florida","tag-kansas","tag-locations","tag-nebraska","tag-new-jersey","tag-new-york","tag-new-york-city","tag-places","tag-retire","tag-retirement","tag-south"],"yoast_head":"\n
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![\"Rocking](\"https:\/\/wp-media.patheos.com\/blogs\/sites\/186\/2020\/06\/1600px-Cabin_12_rocking_chair_on_deck_porch_James_River_State_Park_28410661024.jpg\")
<\/a>