{"id":95088,"date":"2022-05-14T22:51:03","date_gmt":"2022-05-15T04:51:03","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/danpeterson\/?p=95088"},"modified":"2022-05-14T23:22:37","modified_gmt":"2022-05-15T05:22:37","slug":"comedic-gold-under-the-banner-of-heaven","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/danpeterson\/2022\/05\/comedic-gold-under-the-banner-of-heaven.html","title":{"rendered":"Comedic gold under the banner of heaven"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

\u00a0<\/p>\n

The 3 Stooges in \"Disorder in the Court\"<\/a>
On the set of \u201cUnder the Banner of Heaven\u201d?
(Wikimedia Commons public domain image)<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

***<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

With his kind permission, I republish here the summary of Episode 4 of Under the Banner of Heaven<\/em>\u00a0that the inimitable Jim Bennett posted on his Facebook page:<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

\n
Come, Brother. Come, sister. Abide with me as we range Under the Banner of Heaven Episode Four, Church and State. Beards vigorously encouraged.<\/span><\/div>\n
<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
\n
Our show opens with the cops bursting into someone\u2019s house that\u2019s been ransacked. We don\u2019t know who\u2019s house it is, and we don\u2019t know why it\u2019s at all relevant to the murders. So you don\u2019t need to worry about being distracted by any tension or excitement.<\/span><\/div>\n
<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
\n
While surveying the mess, Andrew Garfield says \u201cGod, I hope they got out of here before anything happened.\u201d Surprise! This is something a normal person would say! Alas, it\u2019s not something a normal Mormon would say, and certainly not something a fictional UTBOH-Heavenly-Father-fearing Mormon would say. Is this a way of subtly telling us that Detective Pyre is losing his faith? Or is it just one more example of sloppy, lazy writing that has plagued this entire series from the outset? Heavenly Father only knows.<\/span><\/div>\n
<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
\n
Actually, no, He doesn\u2019t, because just a couple of minutes later, Pyre\u2019s Heavenly Fatherisms are back as he deals with the burgeoning non-scandal of a delayed baptism for an eight-year-old. His mother recklessly says \u201cgoddamn\u201d and AG is quick to scold her for committing a \u201cno-no,\u201d so we know-know (see what I did there?) that the inconsistency is likely unintentional. Oh, and that Pyre is kind of a weenie for treating his mother like an infant.<\/span><\/div>\n
<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
\n
Granted, Grandma Pyre is suffering from some kind of dementia, which is apparently why the next thing she says is \u201cthe Jews need baptisms,\u201d which is supposed to be funny, maybe? Or clever? Or just make Mormons<\/a> look like we\u2019re all racist turds who would cheerfully spout bigotry all day long if our inhibitions were down? The latter is most likely, as she goes on to talk about the Jews ending up with Hitler in the next life. Because this is why audiences are tuning in \u2013 not for a compelling drama about a brutal real-life murder, which this isn\u2019t, but for a wooden and didactic morality play about how Mormonism stinks.<\/span><\/div>\n
<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
\n
And, golly, this fictional Mormonism stinks pretty bad. In the UTBOH universe, bishops don\u2019t give a rip about the confidentiality that is their central ecclesiastical responsibility. See, Diana Lafferty apparently wrote a letter to the President of the Church \u2013 \u201clike writing to Heavenly Father himself!\u201d cringe cringe cringe \u2013 that complained about Dan, her husband Ron\u2019s brother. The letter is referred back to the local bishop, who apparently shared its content with his counselors, one of whom goes against every protocol that the Church has in place by revealing both its contents and its author directly to Ron as leverage to deny him a bank loan while Diana sits ten feet away from them. Mormonism, amiright?<\/span><\/div>\n
<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
\n
We then get a quick shot of one of the \u201cKennedys of Utah\u201d running for sheriff with a full parade float, complete with a covered wagon, a full horse brigade, and an Angel Moroni effigy. Because that is what happens in every small town Utah sheriff\u2019s race except for all of them. We then cut to Brother Detective Pyre, who is interrogating Robin Lafferty, who I recently learned doesn\u2019t exist in the real world. Apparently, we need a fake Lafferty brother to set up pointless, dramatically irrelevant flashbacks, the first of which involves Governor Boggs of 19th Century Missouri getting shot in the head. Every police interrogation in Utah devolves into history lessons with weak production values.<\/span><\/div>\n
<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
\n
We then cut back to Dan Utah Kennedy smoking a cigarette for some reason, which causes Ammon Utah Kennedy to appear out of the ether to have a conniption fit and slap Dan in the back of the head. Ammon then shrieks at the lady who gave him the vile tobacco, calling her \u201cserpent woman.\u201d Because this is how elite families in Utah always act, and nobody finds this out of the ordinary. Goodness, how could these head-slapping, shrieking lunatics ever be suspected of murder when all Mormons act like this? This could be you!<\/span><\/div>\n
<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
\n
Dan Lafferty defends his cigarette transgression by announcing that \u201cthe Lord guides my political vision.\u201d Which sounds really goofy, but it is something Orrin Hatch has said on multiple occasions, so we can chalk that one up as accurate. Ammon tells him, no, it\u2019s the devil answering your prayers, so Papa Utah Kennedy (Papa UK for short) is going to leave his mission in Louisiana to keep his sons on the strait and narrow. One is left to assume that Papa UK is using the Force to project his image from Louisiana into the Angel Moroni parade, because real missionaries don\u2019t leave their missions mid-mission to attend parades on the other side of the country. Also, The Last Jedi has a lot in common with this show, in that they both suck.<\/span><\/div>\n<\/div>\n
\n
Dan UK is then inspired to go to the restricted section of the Hogwarts library \u2013 sorry, the BYU library \u2013 to find the forbidden knowledge about the Mormons which has been \u201cremoved from every library in Utah, including BYU.\u201d Presumably, it was all checked out by Leonard Arrington, who was the brilliant and widely respected Church historian during this period who ushered in what has been called a golden era of Mormon historical study. Or maybe it\u2019s all in a dumpster behind the Tabernacle. I hope the fake UK Lafferty brothers can launch a historical flashback that clears this all up.<\/span><\/div>\n
<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
\n
Dan UK and his fictional brother therefore have no choice but to go to Colorado City and ply the polygamists with inexpensive construction materials. They then see young girls in Pioneer Day dresses \u2013 but the ominous music tells us IT\u2019S NOT PIONEER DAY!! Dan UK then asks the question nobody dares ask: \u201cDo you guys practice polygamy here?\u201d The fictional UK brother is aghast, maybe because this is like asking a guy in a comic book store if he\u2019s ever seen Star Trek.<\/span><\/div>\n
<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
\n
Then some random polygamist they just met who looks like he is struggling with IBS announces that \u201cIf man\u2019s law conflicts with heaven\u2019s, then the faithful will be ranged UNDER THE BANNER OF HEAVEN against them.\u201d Hey, how come some rando with diarrhea gets to say the title of the show? I wouldn\u2019t know, as I\u2019ve never been ranged under anything and didn\u2019t fully realize that \u201crange\u201d could be used as a verb. But Dan UK recognizes the ranging. \u201cProphet Taylor, right?\u201d he says. \u201cI dig it, man!\u201d<\/span><\/div>\n
<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
\n
Indeed. So dig we all.<\/span><\/div>\n
<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
\n
IBS Boy tells Dan UK something about a mysterious Joseph Smith work called \u201cThe Peacemaker\u201d before a high counselor packing heat tells them to leave. Then we cut to Andrew Garfield flabbergasted that a mainstream Mormon would sell aluminum siding to fundamentalists, because everyone knows that commerce with the \u201cfundies\u201d is grounds for excommunication, despite the fact that it really, really isn\u2019t. Fictional UK demands that he has the right to a phone call, which just occurs to him for the first time after being tortured for two days with Tabernacle Choir music.<\/span><\/div>\n
<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
\n
We then see Dan UK driving with his wife Matilda UK as Dan brandishes a copy of \u201cThe Peacemaker,\u201d a 19th Century pamphlet that he purchased at an \u201cantique book store\u201d that somehow escaped the Mormon library purge. This pamphlet was written by Joseph Smith himself, and its thesis is that women are essentially cattle owned by their husbands, so righteous men can have as big a herd of them as they want. His wife balks at being matrimonially branded thus, prompting Dan UK to scream \u201cShut up and moo!\u201d Actually, that\u2019s not the dialogue, but wouldn\u2019t it be cool if it was? Also, the real Peacemaker pamphlet was written in 1842 by some guy named Udney Hay Jacob who wasn\u2019t even a member of the Church at the time, and the real Joseph Smith denounced it as \u201cnonsence [nonsense], folly, and trash.\u201d But so what? Shut up and moo.<\/span><\/div>\n
<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
\n
Dan UK is then pulled over for speeding, which prompts him to jump out of his car and scream \u201cTyrants! Witness the tyrants!\u201d This is the guy running for sheriff, remember. Or \u201cHead Tyrant,\u201d as they are often called. Dan is then sent to Alcatraz. Oops! I mean he is sent to a small-town Utah jail that looks exactly like a high-security federal prison. He is later released, but he\u2019s taken off the ballot because he refused to pay a $15 filing fee, and not because he\u2019s a psychotic whackadoodle who just did hard time for escalating a speeding ticket into a hostage situation.<\/span><\/div>\n
<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
\n
While in the East Rockwell Penitentiary for the Criminally Mormon, Dan UK also tells Ron UK that he should be the leader of the family because of reasons. Then we go back to police headquarters with Andrew Garfield, who flashes back to Joseph Smith dressed in military garb that would make no sense to anyone who doesn\u2019t already know Mormon history<\/a>. Joseph tells his wife Emma that she must accept polygamy or be destroyed, and Emma tells Joseph she\u2019s going to marry more husbands. Which, admittedly, is an interesting premise for a dramatically compelling scene, which this isn\u2019t. Joseph receives the \u201cbe destroyed\u201d revelation on the spot and delivers it while sneering an evil sneer, and so now the audience knows everything they need to know about the complex, contradictory, and messy origins and practice of Mormon polygamy. Ha ha! Just kidding. All they know is that Joseph Smith was a monster. Moo.<\/span><\/div>\n
<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
\n
Anyway, we finally meet the guy that Fictional UK called during his MoTab respite \u2013 his lawyer. Oh, wait. Sorry. That would have made too much sense. No, the Fake UK brother didn\u2019t call a lawyer. He called \u2013 wait for it \u2013 his stake president. And his stake president shows up to demand that Detective Pyre release Fake UK into his custody, and that if he doesn\u2019t, Pyre\u2019s eternal salvation is at risk.<\/span><\/div>\n
<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
\n
Give the writers credit here: It would be virtually impossible to cram more doofustry into a single scene. All of it is legally, factually, religiously, and logically wrong in huge and grotesque ways. There is nothing about this moment that isn\u2019t intellectually and dramatically flatulent. I like to think that Pyre\u2019s prodigious barfing in the next scene was really Andrew Garfield spewing all the stupid out of his system.<\/span><\/div>\n
<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
\n
Pyre goes into the field to find out where Bishop Lowe is \u2013 he\u2019s apparently the guy with the ransacked house in the first scene \u2013 and he takes a moment to debrief some teenagers, one of whom claims that \u201cHeavenly Father answered [his] prayer for a Skyhawk.\u201d This elicits an awkward chuckle from Pyre. We can tell he\u2019s losing his faith, because he\u2019s becoming self-aware to how much that this dialogue blows.<\/span><\/div>\n
<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
\n
We then get a scene where the Laffertys decide to become polygamists, and Detective Pyre then realizes that a previous goofy scene at the bank means something other than what we were supposed to think it meant, but I\u2019m not sure what it was supposed to mean in the first place, so I\u2019m going to punt on that one. Meanwhile, Pyre\u2019s boss shows up and tells them to face the press, but under no circumstances are they supposed to mention the \u201cfundies\u201d that are tied up in these murders, not for the rational reason that it would be inappropriate to comment on details of an ongoing investigation, but rather for the ridiculous reason that it would make the Church look bad. However, in a universe where stake presidents have more legal authority than police chiefs, the math checks out.<\/span><\/div>\n
<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
\n
So of course, Pyre faces the press, and the press conference is televised live, and instead of saying \u201cIt would be inappropriate to comment on an ongoing investigation,\u201d he blurts out that fundamentalist Mormonism is at the heart of this. He then gets fired. No, sorry, it\u2019s much worse than that. He then gets dirty looks at church. But at least his partner says, \u201cSorry about the language, but I\u2019m [Heavenly Father]-damn proud of you.\u201d Oh, and an elderly Stepford wife greets him at the church entrance to ask why his eight-year-old daughter is postponing becoming one of the Children of the Corn.<\/span><\/div>\n
<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
\n
The episode ends as a nervous young cop discovers Bishop Lowe fly-fishing. What a cliffhanger!<\/span><\/div>\n
<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
\n
See you in episode 5, unless I gouge out my eyes with a dull spoon before then.<\/span><\/div>\n<\/div>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

LOL.<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u00a0 \u00a0 *** \u00a0 With his kind permission, I republish here the summary of Episode 4 of Under the Banner of Heaven\u00a0that the inimitable Jim Bennett posted on his Facebook page: \u00a0 Come, Brother. Come, sister. Abide with me as we range Under the Banner of Heaven Episode Four, Church and State. Beards vigorously encouraged. […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1019,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[28248,16435,1809,28245,2809,10226,18059,28968,28272,28965,28236,28239,28269,28278,2905,1812,1815,7113,788,55,1667,1188,21334,21337,1664,28242],"class_list":["post-95088","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-andrew-garfield","tag-bennett","tag-church-of-jesus-christ-of-latter-day-saints","tag-dustin-lance-black","tag-fundamentalism","tag-fundamentalist","tag-fundamentalists","tag-fx","tag-hulu","tag-jim-bennett","tag-jon-krakauer","tag-krakauer","tag-lafferty","tag-lafferty-brothers","tag-latter-day-saint","tag-latter-day-saints","tag-lds","tag-lds-church","tag-mormon","tag-mormonism","tag-mormons","tag-plural-marriage","tag-polygamist","tag-polygamists","tag-polygamy","tag-under-the-banner-of-heaven"],"yoast_head":"\nComedic 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