{"id":1265,"date":"2014-03-17T12:20:47","date_gmt":"2014-03-17T16:20:47","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/davewillis\/?p=1265"},"modified":"2015-08-10T19:42:12","modified_gmt":"2015-08-11T00:42:12","slug":"which-one-describes-your-marriage","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/davewillis\/which-one-describes-your-marriage\/","title":{"rendered":"Which one describes your marriage?"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

My wife, Ashley, recently talked me into buying some P90X3 workout videos. I was reluctant at first, because I pictured myself hopping around the living room wearing leg warmers and spandex like the people in my Mom\u2019s 1980\u2019s workout videos. I\u2019ve never looked good in spandex.<\/p>\n

I eventually made the purchase, but what really sold me is that I walked past the mirror one day with my shirt off and took an honest self-assement.<\/strong> I had to admit that I looked a whole lot more like a \u201cbefore picture\u201d than an \u201cafter\u201d one! I believe that honest self-assement is the first and most vital step in any form of improvement, so I\u2019m inviting you to take a moment to give a quick assessment to your marriage.<\/p>\n

Every marriage is unique, because every person is unique, so I\u2019m reluctant to squeeze people into categories, but I do believe that categories can be sometimes be necessary. As I\u2019ve interacted with couples all over the world, I\u2019ve come to believe that every marriage can fit into one of three basic categories<\/strong>. Please take a minute to read all three and then place your marriage (in its current state) into one of the three categories. Remember that where you are now doesn\u2019t have to where you stay!<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

Take an honest self-assessment of your relationship. Which of these \u201c3T\u2019s\u201d best describes your marriage right now?<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

1. Thriving.<\/strong><\/p>\n

This is the top-tier of marriage health. It doesn\u2019t mean that things are perfect (because they never are), but it does mean that things are healthy. This health is evident through consistent communication, transparency, laughter, trust, goal-setting, physical affection, mutual encouragement, shared faith and a mindset that includes peace with the past, contentment with the present and anticipation for the future.<\/p>\n

2. Turbulent.<\/strong><\/p>\n

This second level of marriage health is one of \u201ccomfortable dysfunction.\u201d It can feel sustainable, but it\u2019s not healthy. Turbulent marriages are \u201cbumpy\u201d and are usually characterized by a mindset of keeping score. This can be done in subtle ways, but basically, both spouses are only willing to do as much for each other as they expect to get in return. These marriages have ceased to become true partnerships, because each disagreement has a \u201cwinner\u201d and a \u201closer\u201d where Thriving marriages recognize that in all situations, you either win together or lose together.<\/p>\n

3. Toxic.<\/strong><\/p>\n

This is the lowest level of marital health and if it remains unchanged will typically end in divorce. Toxic marriages are the opposite of thriving. Instead of communication and transparency, they have secrets and deceit. Instead of affection and encouragement, they have criticism and manipulation. They are caught in a smothering cycle of discouragement and typically blame each other instead of working together to find a solution.<\/p>\n

Once you\u2019ve determined where you are right now, make a plan and take action<\/strong> to move forward towards continuing progress to achieve and keep a Thriving Marriage.<\/p>\n

Some resources to help you get started are our New video series on sex, intimacy and communication in marriage<\/a>\u00a0<\/strong>and our bestselling book*\u00a0\u201ciVow: Secrets to a Stronger Marriage\u201d<\/a>\u00a0<\/em><\/strong>and our brand new<\/em>\u00a0iVow online marriage enrichment course for couples.<\/a><\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

For additional tools to help you build a rock-solid marriage, please\u00a0connect with me on twitter.<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n

Another free, marriage-building tool is our free video series on \u201cThe 4 Pillars of a Strong Marriage\u201d\u00a0<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

https:\/\/vimeo.com\/70250933<\/a><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

My wife, Ashley, recently talked me into buying some P90X3 workout videos. I was reluctant at first, because I pictured myself hopping around the living room wearing leg warmers and spandex like the people in my Mom\u2019s 1980\u2019s workout videos. I\u2019ve never looked good in spandex. I eventually made the purchase, but what really sold […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2136,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"fbia_status":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[8],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1265","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-marriage"],"yoast_head":"\nWhich one describes your marriage?<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"My wife, Ashley, recently talked me into buying some P90X3 workout videos. 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