Atlas Shrugged: Midnight Train to Death, Part III<\/a>.<\/i><\/p>\nNarrator:<\/b> And that\u2019s the list of all the villains that will be dispensed great and horrible choking justice by asphyxiation.
\nCobra Commander:<\/b> First off, usually you don\u2019t see \u2018Justice\u2019 and \u2018Asphyxiation\u2019 being uttered in the same breath. And second\u2026 Those are your villains.
\nNarrator:<\/b> Indeed. I, being the omniscient narrator, can helpfully inform everyone of their crimes so they won\u2019t feel bad when the people die in one of the most painful ways known to man.
\nCobra Commander:<\/b> Okay I\u2019d like to point out only villains traditionally take pleasure in anyone\u2019s deaths. It\u2019s why I run gladiatorial combat arenas, not the Joes. Also I mean at least gladiatorial combat arenas are fun to watch! We give the captives goofy little swords and everything. I\u2019m not even sure I\u2019d really want to watch people choke to death by smoke\u2026 even Joes. I\u2019d probably come up with some excuse to walk away and do something else. I mean yeah they\u2019d probably escape but still\u2026 seriously who wants to see that?
\nNarrator:<\/b> Normally yes that would be a horrifying act of sheer and utter brutality\u2026 but these are really, really bad people you know.
\nCobra Commander:<\/b> Really. The guy who got a government loan is one of the most hideous monsters known to mankind?
\nNarrator:<\/b> Possibly worse than Hitler, just saying. Don\u2019t quote me on that but, you know, feel free to agree.
\nCobra Commander:<\/b> Because he got a government loan.
\nNarrator:<\/b> Yes. Why I dare say even you have never stooped to such vile and detestable acts.
\nCobra Commander:<\/b> Well what about the people who just disagreed with you! I mean your list had a bunch of people who you didn\u2019t even say did anything they just maybe thought stuff or said something once you disagreed with.
\nNarrator:<\/b> Well that\u2019s even worse than the government loan! Thought crimes are the most heinous of offenses.
\nCobra Commander:<\/b> That\u2019s exactly what a villain would say! Seriously and isn\u2019t that the exact opposite of your heroic \u2018do whatever you like\u2019 attitude I thought you guys had?
\nNarrator:<\/b> Those people thought that heroes shouldn\u2019t be able to do whatever they want, and thinking that other people shouldn\u2019t have the freedom to do whatever they want is something so foul that it should never be thought, and anyone who does think that others thoughts might be wrong are the absolute worst evil unless those people thinking that others thoughts are wrong are heroes because they think all their own thoughts are right, in which case it\u2019s the greatest of all possible goods.
\nCobra Commander:<\/b> I have no idea what you just said.
\nNarrator:<\/b> Well the short version would be that you\u2019re free to think and do whatever you want as long as you completely agree with the heroes. If not, you die miserably in a tunnel and we all get to smile approvingly.
\nCobra Commander:<\/b> Okay then, and I hate to bring this up because now I feel like I\u2019m starting to sound like a goody-goody\u2026 but what about the children?
\nNarrator:<\/b> Looters.
\nCobra Commander:<\/b> Seriously!?
\nNarrator:<\/b> Well look at them, have they contributed anything to society? All they do is take and take and take.
\nCobra Commander:<\/b> Because they\u2019re kids!
\nNarrator:<\/b> Well when heroes were children they already have taken over multinational businesses, what\u2019s these kids excuse?
\nCobra Commander:<\/b> You know what\u2026 FINE.
\n*Cobra Commander storms off, calls Dr. Mindbender*
\nCobra Commander:<\/b> Dr. Mindbender! I\u2019m going to need you to create some kind of device that can teleport a bunch of people off of a train and leave behind realistic looking fake corpse copies of those people accurate enough to fool omniscient narrators.
\nDr. Mindbender:<\/b> Well\u2026 that\u2019s probably going to take some sort of silly magical artifacts or some crystal or something but I can probably whip it up by lunch. Why do you need it though, ransom plot or something?
\nCobra Commander:<\/b> No we\u2019re going to be saving some innocent lives.
\nDr. Mindbender:<\/b> That\u2026 um\u2026 doesn\u2019t sound like something Cobra usually does. I mean that kind of sounds like something heroic?
\nCobra Commander:<\/b> This is personal Dr. Mindbender\u2026 I\u2019ve a score to settle. And don\u2019t worry, I\u2019ve it on good authority all these innocents are really \u2018villains.\u2019
\nDr. Mindbender:<\/b> Somehow your lisp sounds very sarcastic today\u2026
\nCobra Commander:<\/b> Silence! Now get working on the teleporter or I\u2019m going to forbid you from ever doing science experiments shirtless again!
\nDr. Mindbender:<\/b> Right away then sir! Hail Cobra!
\nCobra Commander:<\/b> That\u2019s what I thought.<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Originally posted on Atlas Shrugged: Midnight Train to Death, Part III. Narrator: And that\u2019s the list of all the villains that will be dispensed great and horrible choking justice by asphyxiation. Cobra Commander: First off, usually you don\u2019t see \u2018Justice\u2019 and \u2018Asphyxiation\u2019 being uttered in the same breath. And second\u2026 Those are your villains. Narrator: […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1308,"featured_media":0,"parent":9712,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"footnotes":""},"class_list":["post-9731","page","type-page","status-publish","hentry"],"yoast_head":"\n
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