Atlas Shrugged: Objectivist Mating Rituals<\/a>.<\/i><\/p>\nFrancisco:<\/b> Anyway, like I was saying\u2026
\nCobra Commander:<\/b> What in the!? WE THREW YOU IN A SNAKE PIT! A ROBOT SNAKE PIT!
\nFrancisco:<\/b> Oh that\u2019s\u2026 that\u2019s something I can easily handle.
\nCobra Commander:<\/b> HOW!?
\nFrancisco:<\/b> Well you did it off screen you know? I\u2019ve vast implied off screen abilities.
\nCobra Commander:<\/b> DESTRO GET IN HERE!
\nFrancisco:<\/b> But to continue, I might have eventually gotten around to explaining things to Dagny if only Hank hadn\u2019t shown up and slapped me.
\nDestro:<\/b> Yes Comman\u2026 wait what is he still doing here?
\nCobra Commander:<\/b> Destro! I order you to move the robot snake pit on screen immediately!
\nFrancisco:<\/b> Which is really a shame you know, as I\u2019d mentioned him before I believe but that\u2019s the other guy that I really wish I could\u2019ve explained things to. On account of us being such amazingly great friends and all. Which is of course why we almost murdered each other at the drop of a hat. Such a shame. But also wholly understandable.
\nDestro:<\/b> I don\u2019t know if I can\u2026 we generally don\u2019t do that kind of thing on screen.
\nCobra Commander:<\/b> WELL FIGURE SOMETHING OUT!
\nFrancisco:<\/b> Hi sorry but if you don\u2019t start listening to me I may have to violently murder you. Hero you know, so\u2026 not getting my way means I have to violently murder people.
\nCobra Commander:<\/b> Wait what\u2026 I\u2026 I was like half listening there did you just threaten to kill me?
\nFrancisco:<\/b> Oh normally I wouldn\u2019t say it out loud, you know. Normally I\u2019d do like most heroes and just\u2026 like seethe at you and clench my fists to denote murderous intent and have some woman look on and swoon over my virile manliness. But it kind of seemed like you were distracted so I thought that maybe I should just say it straight out.
\nCobra Commander:<\/b> Okay first of all, the idea that you would even be able to kill me is, frankly, laughable\u2026
\nFrancisco:<\/b> Nonsense! I\u2019m\u2026 probably in great shape? I\u2019m sure I\u2019ve been physically described before but that was a long time ago and in general heroes are all virile powerful men of action so\u2026 you know, I\u2019m\u2026 fit I guess. Oh if I wanted to kill you I\u2019m sure any onlookers would readily realize the only thing saving you is my heroic restraint.
\nCobra Commander:<\/b> Okay of the two of us, with one being the head of a ruthless terrorist organization\u2026
\nFrancisco:<\/b> Well I\u2019m not the head of one\u2026 I mean, that\u2019d be you know who wink wink\u2026 but I\u2019m a pretty high ranking member\u2026 I guess? Not\u2026 not totally clear on that. I\u2019m certainly an important member yes. Probably. I may just only be important because I know the two heroes who are more important than me but\u2026 I mean that makes me kind of important right?
\nCobra Commander:<\/b> Destro better hurry up quick, I don\u2019t think I can take much more of your insane insecurity.
\nFrancisco:<\/b> I\u2019m not insecure! Why would you say that!? Just because I had the woman I love taken away from me, destroyed the only other thing I ever loved, which is my business of course\u2026 and had to \u2018pretend\u2019 to be a wild jet setting partyboy even though obviously I totally hated that. Ha ha! Can you even imagine liking that? Certainly I didn\u2019t! I also am totally fine with the fact that despite being describes as perfectly great at everything that I do there are at least two more people in the world who fit the same description and are more important than me\u2026
\nCobra Commander:<\/b> IS THERE A POINT TO THIS!?
\nFrancisco:<\/b> OH! Right. I was just saying it\u2019s a real shame that I lost the woman I loved. I tried to have a showdown with her new owner but it didn\u2019t work out for me, despite my being competent at everything ever. If only it had happened off screen\u2026
\nCobra Commander:<\/b> Wait what owner?
\nFrancisco:<\/b> Right, my other good friend who currently owns her, on account of his violent possessiveness, which stems from his general competence.
\nCobra Commander:<\/b> Look I own people. It\u2019s a villain thing right and shut up before you argue otherwise that\u2019s not the point I\u2019m making here. I have like, gladiatorial slave pits and mines. I put shock collars on people and make them fight for my amusement or harvest rubies that somehow serve as a fuel source for weather dominators. But even I know that\u2019s not \u2018love.\u2019
\nFrancisco:<\/b> No see the first one is though. Common mistake, you\u2019re confusing \u2019employees\u2019 with \u2018lovers\u2019. Employees are people you own to increase your wealth, lovers are people you own for your own amusement. See if you were just a hero you\u2019d have understood this but sadly heroes are only born heroes, can\u2019t be made.
\nCobra Commander:<\/b> Why won\u2019t you please just shut up? I don\u2019t even understand what you want from me.
\nFrancisco:<\/b> Well at the moment I don\u2019t really have any plans or motivations\u2026 and my activities in general are at best sketchily defined so\u2026
\nCobra Commander:<\/b> What you\u2019re just bored?
\nFrancisco:<\/b> Well it\u2019s tiring only getting to be vague and coy all the time, and everything I ever did that was fun was just\u2026 off screen\u2026
\nDestro:<\/b> Cobra Commander! I think I have a plan to deal with this fool\u2026 we\u2019re going to need two man sized pinballs, some giant mutated rats\u2026 which I believe we have some spare ones lying around somewhere at the moment\u2026 exactly five grapefruits\u2026
\nCobra Commander:<\/b> Silence Destro! I have a much more\u2026 efficient plan.
\nFrancisco:<\/b> Hi, hey\u2026 can we pay attention to me for a second here? I feel like I\u2019ve had more chances to talk with you than anyone else I\u2019ve known through this whole wacky plan my friend who is better than me even though I\u2019m the best at everything cooked up. I\u2019m actually having a good time for once.
\nCobra Commander:<\/b> Right\u2026 Frank or whatever your name is\u2026 I do feel sorry for you. But I also completely loathe you.
\nFrancisco:<\/b> That\u2019s understandable.
\nCobra Commander:<\/b> And we\u2019ve both threatened to murder each other so\u2026 square on that point right?
\nFrancisco:<\/b> Agreed.
\nCobra Commander:<\/b> So let\u2019s make a deal. You get to go talk to Destro. Not in my throne room.
\nDestro:<\/b> COMMANDER!?
\nFrancisco:<\/b> Oh! But you\u2019re the boss around here right? I should only talk to the boss.
\nCobra Commander:<\/b> Actually Destro is an independent contractor who runs a very successful international arms company! I just buy my weapons from him.
\nFrancisco:<\/b> A capitalist hero after my own heart! Oh we have so much to talk about exploiting other people for our own gain! Maybe you\u2019ll be my new best friend!
\nDestro:<\/b> I swear I will have revenge on you for this Commander! *voice trails away as he is dragged off by the rambling Francisco*
\nCobra Commander:<\/b> Still worth it.<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Originally posted on Atlas Shrugged: Objectivist Mating Rituals. Francisco: Anyway, like I was saying\u2026 Cobra Commander: What in the!? WE THREW YOU IN A SNAKE PIT! A ROBOT SNAKE PIT! Francisco: Oh that\u2019s\u2026 that\u2019s something I can easily handle. Cobra Commander: HOW!? Francisco: Well you did it off screen you know? I\u2019ve vast implied off […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1308,"featured_media":0,"parent":9712,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"footnotes":""},"class_list":["post-9739","page","type-page","status-publish","hentry"],"yoast_head":"\n
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