{"id":18827,"date":"2012-12-04T15:41:18","date_gmt":"2012-12-04T20:41:18","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/deaconsbench\/?p=18827"},"modified":"2016-09-30T17:01:59","modified_gmt":"2016-09-30T21:01:59","slug":"what-to-say-and-not-to-someone-who-is-grieving","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/deaconsbench\/2012\/12\/what-to-say-and-not-to-someone-who-is-grieving\/","title":{"rendered":"What to say\u2014and not\u2014to someone who is grieving"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

I found this interesting, and helpful: a brief blog post at Huffington by grief expert Gloria Horsley, on how to help those struggling with grief<\/a>.<\/strong> \u00a0We\u2019ve all been there, and a lot of us find ourselves ministering to those in mourning.<\/p>\n

What to do:<\/p>\n

\u2022 Show up.<\/strong>\u00a0\u2013 I used to send a card. Now, I send myself. My friend Sally showed up at our house before our first dinner alone, brought a book, and just read while we ate. It was very comforting.<\/p>\n

\u2022 Do a kindness.<\/strong>\u00a0\u2013 Friends mowed my lawn, took out the garbage, walked the dog and took the kids to movies.<\/p>\n

\u2022 Answer the telephone and take notes.<\/strong>\u00a0\u2013 We had dozens of casseroles, walls of flowers, and random gifts. Without careful notes taken by friends, we would have had no idea what to do with the empty dishes or who to thank.<\/p>\n

\u2022 Create a memorial website.<\/strong>\u00a0\u2013 When I was working on the Columbia University 9\/11 project helping the fire fighters\u2019 families whose loved ones died in the Twin Trade Towers, we created a memorial website where our staff could tell his family the great things their son and brother had done to help those in need.<\/p>\n

\u2022 Be willing to sit down and listen.<\/strong>\u00a0\u2013 This is important, as people often get anxious when confronted with grief and have difficulty being silent when those in grief talk. I needed to tell my story over and over again in order to have the enormity of my loss become a reality.<\/p>\n

\u2022 Ask how they are really feeling.<\/strong>\u00a0\u2013 Don\u2019t ask this question unless you are willing to take some time to listen. You feel dropped when people ask you to dig deep and then look at their watch.<\/p>\n

\u2022 Don\u2019t try to be profound.<\/strong>\u00a0\u2013 This advice was given to me by a very insightful priest. Just showing up and sitting with grievers is profound.<\/p>\n

\u2022 Be patient. Learning to live again takes time.<\/strong>\u00a0\u2013 Friends and family don\u2019t like to see you suffer, and they really do want you to get on with life. They want you to be the person you were prior to the loss. They don\u2019t want to hear the reality that \u201cyou will never be the same but will have to find a \u2018new normal\u2019.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Check out the link<\/a><\/strong> for suggestions on what NOT to say.<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I found this interesting, and helpful: a brief blog post at Huffington by grief expert Gloria Horsley, on how to help those struggling with grief. \u00a0We\u2019ve all been there, and a lot of us find ourselves ministering to those in mourning. What to do: \u2022 Show up.\u00a0\u2013 I used to send a card. Now, I […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":132,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[23,49],"tags":[398],"class_list":["post-18827","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-inspiration","category-this-that","tag-grieving"],"yoast_head":"\nWhat to say\u2014and not\u2014to someone who is grieving<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"I found this interesting, and helpful: a brief blog post at Huffington by grief expert Gloria Horsley, on how to help those struggling with grief. \u00a0We've\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/deaconsbench\/2012\/12\/what-to-say-and-not-to-someone-who-is-grieving\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta 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