{"id":28699,"date":"2013-12-30T09:52:02","date_gmt":"2013-12-30T14:52:02","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/deaconsbench\/?p=28699"},"modified":"2016-09-30T15:59:14","modified_gmt":"2016-09-30T19:59:14","slug":"do-you-know-a-couple-who-got-engaged-over-christmas-show-this-to-them","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/deaconsbench\/2013\/12\/do-you-know-a-couple-who-got-engaged-over-christmas-show-this-to-them\/","title":{"rendered":"Do you know a couple who got engaged over Christmas? Show this to them."},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Some great insight from Tyler Ward in Relevant<\/a><\/strong> magazine:<\/p>\n

I used to think I had my stuff together. Then I got married.<\/p>\n

Marriage is great\u2014but it rocked everything I knew. I quickly realized my basic goal in life, prior to getting married, was to simply remain undisturbed.<\/p>\n

This \u201cdisruption\u201d came suddenly and was disguised as a 5-foot-nothing Swedish-Filipino woman. When I decided I\u2019d rather not live without her, I proceeded to ask her to marry me\u2014that is, to officially invite someone who wasn\u2019t me to be in my personal space for the rest of my life.<\/p>\n

This decision introduced my most significant experiences and most challenging experiences\u2014none of which I would trade for the world.<\/p>\n

However, I wish I\u2019d had a bit more insight on the front end of our marriage to help me navigate it all.<\/p>\n

According to most research, more than 50 percent of people who say \u201cI do\u201d will not be sleeping in the same bed eight years from now. And though Scripture alludes to the fact that adultery and abuse may be reasons individuals might end a marriage, I\u2019d be willing to bet that most challenges experienced in marriage are the result of unawareness. Most people\u2014myself included\u2014jump into marriage with suitcases full of misconceptions and bad theology, entirely unaware of the unique beauty and paradoxical intentions of marriage.<\/p>\n

The following are three thoughts on marriage that friends and mentors have shared with me. I remind myself of them often in hopes of keeping this anomaly called marriage both enjoyable and healthy.<\/p>\n

1. Marriage is not about living happily ever after. <\/strong><\/p>\n

Here\u2019s the truth: I get annoyed at my wife. But this is more a reflection of me than her.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m intensely certain that nothing in life has ever made me more angry, frustrated or annoyed than my wife. Inevitably, just when I think I\u2019ve given all I can possibly give, she somehow finds a way to ask for more.<\/p>\n

The worst part of it all is that her demands aren\u2019t unreasonable. One day she expects me to stay emotionally engaged. The next, she\u2019s looking for me to validate the way that she feels. The list goes on\u2014but never ventures far from things she perfectly well deserves as a wife.<\/p>\n

Unfortunately for her, deserving or not, her needs often compete with my self-focus. I know it shouldn\u2019t be this way, but I am selfish and stubborn and, overall, human.<\/p>\n

I once read a book that alluded to the idea that marriage is the fire of life\u2014that somehow it\u2019s designed to refine all our dysfunction and spur us into progressive wholeness. In this light, contrary to popular opinion, the goal of marriage is not happiness. And although happiness is often a very real byproduct of a healthy relationship, marriage has a far more significant purpose in sight. It is designed to pull dysfunction to the surface of our lives, set it on fire and help us grow.<\/p>\n

When we\u2019re willing to see it this way, then the points of friction in our marriages quickly become gifts that consistently invite us into a more whole and fulfilling experience of life.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

That\u2019s just the beginning.\u00a0Read the rest.\u00a0<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Some great insight from Tyler Ward in Relevant magazine: I used to think I had my stuff together. Then I got married. Marriage is great\u2014but it rocked everything I knew. I quickly realized my basic goal in life, prior to getting married, was to simply remain undisturbed. This \u201cdisruption\u201d came suddenly and was disguised as […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":132,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[27],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-28699","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-marriage"],"yoast_head":"\nDo you know a couple who got engaged over Christmas? Show this to them.<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Some great insight from Tyler Ward in Relevant magazine: I used to think I had my stuff together. Then I got married. 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