{"id":3862,"date":"2011-05-18T13:26:19","date_gmt":"2011-05-18T17:26:19","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.patheos.com\/community\/deaconsbench\/?p=3862"},"modified":"2016-09-30T17:43:55","modified_gmt":"2016-09-30T21:43:55","slug":"25-years-after-i-do","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/deaconsbench\/2011\/05\/25-years-after-i-do\/","title":{"rendered":"25 years after &quot;I do&quot; &#8230;"},"content":{"rendered":"<!DOCTYPE html PUBLIC \"-\/\/W3C\/\/DTD HTML 4.0 Transitional\/\/EN\" \"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/TR\/REC-html40\/loose.dtd\">\n<html><head><meta http-equiv=\"content-type\" content=\"text\/html; charset=utf-8\"><meta http-equiv=\"content-type\" content=\"text\/html; charset=utf-8\"><\/head><body><p>From my column\u00a0 this week <a href=\"http:\/\/www.patheos.com\/Resources\/Additional-Resources\/What-Does-the-Marriage-Want-Greg-Kandra-05-18-2011?offset=1&amp;max=1\" class=\" decorated-link\" target=\"_blank\"><strong>\u201cAll Things New\u201d<\/strong><\/a> \u2026<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/wp.patheos.com\/community\/sites\/56\/2011\/05\/wedding.jpg\" class=\" decorated-link\" target=\"_blank\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-3863\" src=\"https:\/\/wp.patheos.com\/community\/sites\/56\/2011\/05\/wedding.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"226\" height=\"153\"><\/a><\/p>\n<blockquote><p>\u201cBeyond the sacramental grace involved\u2014and grace and prayer do play a big part, I think\u2014it\u2019s a lot of talking, and a lot of listening, and a lot of patience, and a lot of persistence. It\u2019s wanting this little partnership to hold together, in spite of all the temptations and opportunities to make it rupture. It\u2019s realizing, day after day and year after year, that the strange and beautiful \u201csomething\u201d that drew you to this other person still matters. It\u2019s making the choice to stay married, every day, because you know in your gut and in your head that your life is infinitely better because this other person is a part of it.<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s companionship and partnership. It\u2019s trusting\u2014not just in each other, but in God, to help you over the rough patches. (And let\u2019s not fool ourselves: there are always rough patches.)<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s understanding from Day One that marriage is a living, breathing thing that needs attention and nurturing, and you have to give it the time and love that it needs to grow.<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s taking seriously the notion that in marriage you two become \u201cone flesh.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>A smart man once put it to me this way:<\/p>\n<p>\u201cThere are three parties in a marriage,\u201d he said. \u201cThe husband, the wife, and the marriage itself. Sometimes, you have to put aside what the husband wants, or what the wife wants, and ask, \u2018What does the marriage want?'\u201d<\/p>\n<p>He was an atheist, so he didn\u2019t think in religious terms, but I think you could substitute \u201cGod\u201d for \u201cmarriage\u201d and gain an even deeper understanding of what this whole mystery of matrimony involves.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/www.patheos.com\/Resources\/Additional-Resources\/What-Does-the-Marriage-Want-Greg-Kandra-05-18-2011?offset=1&amp;max=1\" class=\" decorated-link\" target=\"_blank\"><strong>Read more.<\/strong><\/a><strong> <\/strong><\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>From my column\u00a0 this week \u201cAll Things New\u201d \u2026 \u201cBeyond the sacramental grace involved\u2014and grace and prayer do play a big part, I think\u2014it\u2019s a lot of talking, and a lot of listening, and a lot of patience, and a lot of persistence. It\u2019s wanting this little partnership to hold together, in spite of all [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":132,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[33,1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3862","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-my-world-and-welcome-to-it","category-uncategorized"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v21.1 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>25 years after &quot;I do&quot; ...<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"From my column\u00a0 this week &quot;All Things New&quot; ... &quot;Beyond the sacramental grace involved\u2014and grace and prayer do play a big part, I think\u2014it&#039;s a lot of\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/deaconsbench\/2011\/05\/25-years-after-i-do\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"25 years after &quot;I do&quot; 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