Photo by morguefile\/dhester.<\/span><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<\/p>I just have to say, women rock.<\/p>\n
Yesterday I went to a party for a young woman who recently quit a successful career as a public defender. She plans to teach yoga, spend more time with her adopted four-legged kids and train to become a massage therapist. To celebrate, she served the world\u2019s best red velvet cake with buttercream frosting (with some broccoli and hummus on the side).<\/p>\n
The room was filled with smart, courageous, thoughtful, creative women\u2014many of whom I\u2019ve had the privilege of working with through workshops and retreats. It got me thinking: What do women need most for the holidays this year? And what are gifts they deserve to give themselves?<\/p>\n
There are many\u2014and a lot of them have to do with chocolate. But on a deeper level, here are my top three. I hope you\u2019ll give yourself these gifts this year, and pass this along as your gift to your favorite women, too.<\/p>\n
1. The gift of being fully heard.<\/strong> At one of our recent women\u2019s spirituality workshops, we did an activity where women asked one another about a positive experience they\u2019d had\u2014a moment of goodness that stood out in their memory.<\/p>\nFor Diane, my partner in this program, the memory was about talking with a group of medical students and sharing her insights on healing. She felt a little like their mom\u2014honored for her life experiences and wisdom, and opening their eyes to a new way of seeing their patients at the same time.<\/p>\n
When we paired women up to have this kind of conversation with one another, we instructed them to be active listeners. \u201cAsk about a time when your partner felt a sense of success or joy,\u201d we said. \u201cThen keep asking questions. See if you can draw out more specific details and a fuller picture of why <\/em>this moment was so significant.\u201d<\/p>\nAs the women engaged with each other, we could hear the delight in their voices and see it on their faces. Think about it\u2026when was the last time someone asked you<\/em> to focus on a great memory and describe why it lit you up?<\/p>\nThis activity does a few important things\u2026it retrains your thoughts to focus on the good in your life rather than what\u2019s wrong\u2014a huge gift in itself, like a vacation for the mind. Plus, it feels awesome to be fully heard\u2014to talk to someone who genuinely wants to walk with you in this little journey to a great moment in your past. And it can help you see what you want more of in your future.<\/p>\n
For instance, Diane now realizes that she wants to spend more time sharing her wisdom with young people\u2014something that she might have known but not acted on if she hadn\u2019t had this conversation.<\/p>\n
So, here\u2019s the deal: Find someone in your life who is a good listener, and ask if she\u2019s willing to do this as an exchange. Schedule some quiet time in a favorite location\u2014maybe enjoying an afternoon latte in your favorite coffee shop\u2014then be present for each other as you give one another the gift of being heard. Honestly, you\u2019ll be amazed at what this can do for you.<\/p>\n
2. The gift of doing what no one expects you to do.<\/strong> In the past year, I\u2019ve seen Rachel (the attorney-turned-yoga-teacher we celebrated yesterday) cut her hair short as a way of saying goodbye to the past, a mom and a grandma take a month to walk across Spain, and a pharmacy tech summon the courage to go public with a long-time hobby and exhibit her paintings for the first time.<\/p>\nLike most women (a broad generalization, I know, but I believe it\u2019s true), you probably spend a lot of time and energy meeting other people\u2019s expectations and playing the roles you\u2019ve carved out for yourself. But deep down, there\u2019s probably a quiet voice in you that wants to jump the tracks and head off in a direction no one saw coming.<\/p>\n
It reminds me of my sister-in-law, who once rode a horse across Iowa with a friend, encountering\u2014and overcoming\u2014all sorts of challenges along the way. (Think driving rain and nowhere to sleep.) It wasn\u2019t exactly what her husband and three young daughters ever thought she would do, but it fulfilled a long-time dream for her. And I have to believe her courage gave her daughters permission to embrace their inner trailblazers, too.<\/p>\n
You don\u2019t need to dismantle your whole life or make it an act of defiance (unless you want to). Just fill in the blank: \u201cNo one would expect me to ____________.\u201d Then, whatever it is\u2014a night of karaoke, a girls\u2019 weekend by the sea or an eight-week pole-dancing class\u2014do the thing that expresses a part of you that\u2019s been dormant for too long. You may literally feel yourself waking up from a long, deep sleep.<\/p>\n
3. The gift of cleaning out the old stuff.<\/strong> Uncluttering your physical space lightens your spiritual load, too. And it\u2019s much easier to get rid of stuff when it belongs to someone else, with no emotional attachments to slow you down.<\/p>\nSo text a friend, offering to gift her a day or a few hours of clearing and de-cluttering if she\u2019ll do the same for you. Plan your pitch-fests just after the holidays so you can start 2016 feeling unburdened, organized and open to new possibilities\u2014a spiritual manifestation of \u201cout with the old, in with the new.\u201d<\/p>\n
Less stuff. More joy. What could be a better gift than that?<\/p>\n
Blessings,<\/p>\n
Deb<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
What indulgences do women deserve? Number Two may surprise you (and everyone else). <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2446,"featured_media":277,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-275","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"yoast_head":"\n
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