{"id":325,"date":"2015-12-18T13:42:36","date_gmt":"2015-12-18T18:42:36","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/admin.patheos.com\/blogs\/debraengleeverydaymiracles\/?p=325"},"modified":"2015-12-18T13:42:36","modified_gmt":"2015-12-18T18:42:36","slug":"if-youre-wishing-for-love-this-holiday-season","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/debraengleeverydaymiracles\/2015\/12\/if-youre-wishing-for-love-this-holiday-season\/","title":{"rendered":"If You’re Wishing for Love This Holiday Season"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

\"Photo<\/a>
Photo by the author.<\/span><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<\/p>

Being single at Christmas\u2014if single is not what you want to be\u2014is a little like going to the circus. You know you\u2019re supposed<\/em> to be excited about the trained elephant and the clown on the tricycle, but everything seems a little sad instead.<\/p>\n

I remember it well.<\/p>\n

I got divorced at the age of 29 and remarried when I was 44. The 15 years in between were a time of great freedom\u2014to travel, develop friendships, dive into my work and get to know myself better.<\/p>\n

But every year around the holidays, I felt a deep loneliness that those freedoms in my life didn\u2019t fill.<\/p>\n

I tried to shake off that loneliness and pray it away. After all, I had wonderful friends, parents, siblings and nephews and nieces. But I still felt the sore lack of a partner at the holidays. My house was filled with Christmas decorations, with packages under the tree. But after every holiday gathering, I\u2019d head home, let my dog out, brush my teeth and go to bed alone.<\/p>\n

The lack of intimate companionship year after year took a toll. As I moved into my 30s, the idea of spending Christmas Eve at my parents\u2019 house and then staying overnight with them rubbed me raw. Why didn\u2019t I have someone to create my own Christmas Eve memories with? Someone to put his arm around me at a candlelight service? Someone to wake up with on Christmas morning?<\/p>\n

I had no children, and I felt like I was still 12 years old, sleeping under my parents\u2019 roof and eating Christmas breakfast at the same table I\u2019d helped set two decades before.<\/p>\n

The only thing that helped during all those years was trusting that it would someday change.<\/p>\n

Now, if you or someone you know is feeling the same way, I could tell you all the things that I fully believe. Things like: Focus on the friends and family you do<\/em> have. Give of yourself so you\u2019ll experience the true meaning of Christmas. Count your blessings and be grateful for all the joys in your life. Your happiness does not depend on sharing your life with a spouse or a partner.<\/p>\n

But if these things don\u2019t help you, as they didn\u2019t help me, remember this: It will get better.<\/p>\n

In the meantime, you may tell yourself a lot of lies: I\u2019m unlovable. I\u2019ll always be alone. All the good ones are already taken. I loved once, and I\u2019ll never be so lucky again. <\/em><\/p>\n

You can tell yourself those lies\u2014just don\u2019t believe them. Remember that being single in a world of couples and families is just what it is\u2014a stage of life that, with hindsight, may go down as one of your most growthful and empowering times ever.<\/p>\n

This life stage is not an indictment of you. It\u2019s not a punishment or a cross to be borne. It simply means that the connection you\u2019re looking for has not yet taken root in your own soul, no matter how deeply you desire it. The time isn\u2019t right. You and the person you\u2019re meant to be with are still taking care of business that needs to be completed before the two of you can be brought together.<\/p>\n

Plus, the good ones are not all taken. After all, you\u2019re<\/em> a good one\u2014the one that your future partner will be overjoyed to meet.<\/p>\n

Take heart. You will<\/em> meet in time.<\/p>\n

It will happen, as you\u2019ve probably heard over and over, when you least expect it.<\/p>\n

It will happen when you\u2019re able to give yourself a gift on Christmas morning and open it with the same delight as if it came from your lifetime love.<\/p>\n

It will happen when, one day, you give up looking and let yourself be found.<\/p>\n

So be still. Listen to the wisdom of my friend Dorothy, who often told me, \u201cPatience is the ability to witness divine timing, and to do something creative in the meantime.\u201d<\/p>\n

Do something creative for yourself and others. Soak in the love around you. Bask in the pleasures of opening your heart. Find comfort in the arms of Spirit.<\/p>\n

And have a blessed holiday season, knowing that divine timing, like love itself, never fails.<\/p>\n

Blessings,<\/p>\n

Deb<\/p>\n

Debra Engle is the author of <\/em>The Only Little Prayer You Need<\/a>. You can find her at debraengle.com<\/a>.<\/em><\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Being single at Christmas\u2014if single is not what you want to be\u2014is a little like going to the circus. You know you\u2019re supposed to be excited about the trained elephant and the clown on the tricycle, but everything seems a little sad instead. I remember it well. I got divorced at the age of 29 […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2446,"featured_media":327,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-325","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"yoast_head":"\nIf You're Wishing for Love This Holiday Season<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Being single at Christmas\u2014if single is not what you want to be\u2014is a little like going to the circus. 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