{"id":124,"date":"2011-06-04T21:21:04","date_gmt":"2011-06-04T21:21:04","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.patheos.com\/community\/diaryofawimpycatholic\/?p=124"},"modified":"2015-03-13T15:05:00","modified_gmt":"2015-03-13T21:05:00","slug":"the-sign-of-peace-for-needy-misanthropes","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/diaryofawimpycatholic\/2011\/06\/the-sign-of-peace-for-needy-misanthropes\/","title":{"rendered":"The Sign of Peace for Needy Misanthropes"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

\"At<\/p>\n

In National Catholic Register,<\/i> self-professed introvert Jennifer Fulwiler advises other people-shy Catholics on how to give and receive the Sign of Peace<\/strong><\/a> without dissolving into a puddle of self-consciousness. She must be a very good Catholic indeed, because she breaks the whole process down into a long series of \u2014 you guessed it \u2014 rules. Thomas Aqunas would be proud: <\/p>\n

\nWHAT TO DO <\/p>\n

The sign of peace occurs shortly after the Our Father. You want to be able to focus on the Lord\u2019s Prayer, so if you plan to do any warm-up exercises, stretching, or visualization techniques to prepare yourself for the hand shaking and interaction, try to do it after the Liturgy of the Word when they pass the collection plates. <\/p>\n

When the time comes, you engage in the sign of peace by shaking the hands of the people around you and saying, \u201cPeace be with you.\u201d Each handshake preferably includes a smile and at least one full second of eye contact. <\/p>\n

It is acceptable to say only \u201cpeace be with you\u201d and move on to the next person. \u201cPeace of Christ\u201d and the abbreviated \u201cpeace\u201d are acceptable alternatives. If so inclined, you may feel free to include spontaneous salutations such as \u201chi\u201d or \u201cgood morning,\u201d but the Church does not require that you do so. <\/p>\n

Some websites claim that it is acceptable to offer the Latin form of the greeting, Pax Domini sit semper vobiscum (\u201cThe peace of the Lord be with you always\u201d), but I don\u2019t recommend it. A non-socially-awkward person might be able to pull it off, but people like us would just end up making everyone nervous. <\/p>\n

WHOM TO ACKNOWLEDGE <\/p>\n

Offer the sign of peace to all persons within a four-foot radius of where you are seated. This includes people in front of and behind you. <\/p>\n

If you are seated next to a group of people, it is customary to offer the sign of peace to everyone within the group, up to a maximum of ten people. (It is acceptable though not preferable to pretend like you are not able to lean over far enough to shake all of their hands, and alternatively offer a small wave and lip-sync the greeting of peace. Some parishioners may choose in this case to spice things up by pantomiming an \u201cair handshake\u201d in lieu of a wave, though this is not required.) <\/p>\n

Offer to shake the hand of anyone over the age of two. You do not need to shake the hands of very young children and babies, though you are required to acknowledge them and comment on their cuteness. <\/p><\/blockquote>\n

This all may be very well and good for authentic introverts. My own introversion is compromised by a frenzied neediness: I may avoid people, but they\u2019d better not look like they want to avoid me, or there\u2019ll be hell to pay. So, rather than putting myself forward (as Fulwiler suggests) or hiding (as she admits wanting to do), I usually stand stock still and wait to see who approaches. What happens then could make or break my worship experience. Broadly speaking, if people clasp hands firmly with a smile, it\u2019s a good service. If they offer me the tips of their fingers with a sigh or a sneer, it\u2019s a bad one.<\/p>\n

Now, in my old parish, it was much more complicated. The norms of the place encouraged effusive displays of affection, and parishioners tended to take every bit of license given them. In concrete terms, this meant a lot of hugging. I found the practice to be a curate\u2019s egg. On the good side, it sometimes served as an ice-breaking first move in a mating dance. A young woman and I discovered that our fascination was mutual when our liturgical embrace turned into a sort of bump-and-grind. On the bad side, this sometimes meant finding myself clasped to the bosom of a person I detested \u2014 and who, now that I think about it, probably detested me. They say familiarity breeds contempt; it can also express contempt. Did this sort of thing go on in the upper room?<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve been shopping for a new home parish for a while now, comparing different liturgies and different moods. And though I\u2019ve found myself, from time to time, in some pretty conservative places, no one has yet greeted me in Latin. The first time anyone tells me \u201cPax Domini sit semper vobiscum,\u201d then \u2014 I swear before Almighty God \u2014 I will shout back, \u201cAsalaam aleikum to you, too, my brother!\u201d and trap him in one of those continually mutating urban handclasps that will run straight through to the dismissal.<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

In National Catholic Register, self-professed introvert Jennifer Fulwiler advises other people-shy Catholics on how to give and receive the Sign of Peace without dissolving into a puddle of self-consciousness. She must be a very good Catholic indeed, because she breaks the whole process down into a long series of \u2014 you guessed it \u2014 rules. […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":192,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[49,142,217],"class_list":["post-124","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-catholicism","tag-liturgy","tag-sign-of-peace"],"yoast_head":"\nThe Sign of Peace for Needy Misanthropes<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"In National Catholic Register, self-professed introvert Jennifer Fulwiler advises other people-shy Catholics on how to give and receive the Sign of Peace\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/diaryofawimpycatholic\/2011\/06\/the-sign-of-peace-for-needy-misanthropes\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" 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