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\nI\u2019ll call her Lara Lipschitz, even though that\u2019s not her real name. Her real name doesn\u2019t matter. In her professional life as model, artist, EFL instructor and go-go dancer, she generally goes by a pseudonym. That pseudonym isn\u2019t \u201cLara Lipschitz,\u201d but it is unmistakably Jewish, so \u201cLara Lipschitz\u201d seems like a fair enough substitute for me. <\/p>\n
Why Lara \u2014 who is Russian, and a gentile, and living in a pious section of town a scant hundred yards from a mosque, and probably too young to take much inspiration from Whoopee Goldberg \u2013 should have chosen to infiltrate this particular minority group, even by nominal implication, remains a mystery to me. But the more my path and Lara\u2019s cross, the less willing I am to be surprised by anything she does. She\u2019s a friend of a friend \u2013 her Ukrainian roommate, Serafima, teaches at my school. A sweet-faced social animal, Serafima likes to invite the office gang home for homemade borshch.<\/em> When we arrive, we find Lara seated primly on the couch, striped knee socks and pink slippers setting off the spider tattooed on her shoulder. <\/p>\n As guests fill their faces, Lara keeps her eyes fixed on her laptop. Every once in a while, though, when the muse gets into her, she\u2019ll burst out with the kind of autobiographical detail guaranteed to stun the average listener into silence. Here is a sampling of Lara-isms:<\/p>\n \u201cMy father looks like Andrei Chikatilo. He is fat and has innocent blue eyes like child.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI have eaten human flesh once, at a Wiccan initiation. They didn\u2019t tell me that it was human flesh until later.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI almost became a nun.\u201d<\/p>\n Coming from almost anyone else, these would sound like crude grabs for attention, but I don\u2019t think that\u2019s what they are in Lara\u2019s case. Once she gets our attention, she drops it, returning her own to the Russian power ballads on YouTube. Sometimes, before turning the mic back to the guests, she\u2019ll introduce a topic of general interest. Once she asked us, one by one, to say what memories the Cranberries\u2019 \u201cZombies\u201d evoked for us. Everyone had a ready answer.<\/p>\n Toward the end of one soiree, as the rest of us were losing steam, Lara became animated and shared a story of a childhood friend of hers \u2013 a rock musician \u2013 whose girlfriend had dumped him on New Year\u2019s Day. \u201cHe got on his motorcycle and drove it into rear end of truck and died. The next New Year\u2019s Day, his friends found the girl and beated her to death. And that\u2019s why I don\u2019t like New Year\u2019s Day.\u201d <\/p>\n I decided then that Lara is just one of those people who have no gift for small talk. Rather than assault us with her authentic self, she sends out little raiding parties to probe our defenses and see how much of her we\u2019re willing to take. In its loopy way, her approach shows both tact and modesty and ended up winning my trust. <\/p>\n Last Friday, my day off, Lara PM\u2019d me on Facebook:<\/p>\n You know some hours earlier very sad thing happened to me. Maybe you can listen to it. I have really no mature male person to share with, and I need male point of view.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n I\u2019ve served as a crisis counselor before. Mostly, it\u2019s a horrendous job. Not being a professional, I am unable to maintain clinical objectivity. Either the problems are big enough to frighten and depress me or small enough to make me feel as though my time is being wasted. But Lara flattered me by supposing that I had a distinctly male point of view, and a mature one at that. To sweeten the deal, she offered a meal. About an hour later, I knocked on her door. Serafima answered, ushered me inside, and with a roll of her eyes, repaired to her bedroom.<\/p>\n \u201cPlease excuse me,\u201d she said, \u201cbut I heard all of it last night.\u201d<\/p>\n Lara was sitting cross-legged on the couch. I took the chair opposite. At her most poised, Lara has something of Natasha Fatale about her. But now \u2014 jiggling her foot, twisting her fingers, and grinning \u2014 she looked like any other nervous tomboy. <\/p>\n This time we did make small talk. She asked whether I\u2019d had any trouble finding the place \u2013 I\u2019d gotten lost once before \u2013 and I asked why so many religious people lived in her neighborhood. After directing me to the fried eggs and potatoes and salad by my elbow on the table, she came to the point.<\/p>\n Through Facebook, Lara had fallen in love with a man who lived in the Balkans. She had made plans to visit him in the springtime. But now the man\u2019s religious scruples were getting in the way. \u201cHe tell to me, \u2018I can\u2019t have a close relationship until we marry\u2019; I say, \u2018Okay\u2019 \u2014 I can\u2019t live even with someone nice like Serafima for long time. But last night, he say he can\u2019t have sex before marriage, and he don\u2019t want to marry for another five years. How I can wait five years?\u201d<\/p>\n I suggested she might have guessed that a religious person would use a delicate expression like \u201cclose relationship\u201d when he wanted to refer to sex. Raising both hands before her face, Lara clenched them as though throttling her lover \u2014 or maybe all of maledom \u2014 and said, \u201cYou can tell this! I can\u2019t tell! I do not have mind of woman! If you want me to understand some things, you should say clearly!\u201d <\/p>\n Composing herself, Lara continued. \u201cI want to forget this man, but I can\u2019t. I want see him and know is there any chemistry or not. How can I change his mind? How can I make him break his principles?\u201d<\/p>\n When I offered that perhaps certain principles shouldn\u2019t be broken and that, in any case, such a person seemed like a bad match for her, Lara said, \u201cI know this! In the beginning when we meet, he is very formal with me. I can tell he wants\u2013\u201d She spread her hands to represent distance. \u201cSo I am very careful with him. But then we talk more, and one day he tell me he love me. He is crying, I am crying. Where are his principles then?\u201d<\/p>\n This was turning out better than I\u2019d hoped. It seemed that Lara didn\u2019t want to be provided with an easy recipe for success, or with false hope of a happy ending, or even with reassurances of her worthiness. She just wanted someone to make the common-sense arguments so that she could tilt with them. That I could handle. But first I needed a cigarette. When I excused myself, Lara pulled the pink slippers off her feet and handed them to me.<\/p>\n \u201cFor balkon,\u201d<\/em> she said.<\/p>\n As I stepped out the sliding door onto the balcony, she went on. \u201cIn all my life,\u201d she said, \u201cI have only four friends\u201d \u2014 Spockishly, she held up four fingers. \u201cI love them all forever; my love can\u2019t be broke. One man I love for many years, even though he is not a man. We can say \u2014 yes, we can say he is a monster. Finally, I leave. In a few years, he calls and tells me he is changed and loves me. Don\u2019t you know? Love can change a personality, and a personality can change principles.\u201d<\/p>\n I found the argument too intriguing to reject out of hand. In fact, it sank me into a morbid reverie. Since my mid-20s, I\u2019d viewed love as a precious and limited resource, like petroleum. It could make life go, as long as you were careful not to use too much of it too quickly. Like a wartime rationing board, I\u2019d made a practice of assigning people strict priority values based on cost-benefit analyses. Is this trip really necessary? Is this person worth loving?<\/em> Lara\u2019s dogged, extravagant belief in it made me feel petty. I stepped back into the living room and spooned a few potatoes onto my plate.<\/p>\n \u201cTake all,\u201d she said. \u201cAlso eggs.\u201d<\/p>\n For her benefit, I shoveled it in. When I finished, I nodded for her to go on.<\/p>\n \u201cMy needs are really very few,\u201d she said. \u201cI want tea, and sunshine, and place to listen to music. It is very rare that love affects me like this. But now that I love this man, I must see him. I don\u2019t care, he has one arm, one eye -\u2013 \u201c<\/p>\n Just then, a blooping sound came from Lara\u2019s laptop. Lunging across the couch, Lara hit a button. After a few seconds, she gasped, \u201cOh!\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n \u201cWhat was that?\u201d I asked.<\/p>\n \u201cHe said he wants to be friends.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWell,\u201d I said. \u201cThat settles that, I guess.\u201d <\/p>\n It didn\u2019t settle anything, but I suddenly felt tired \u2014 maybe it was all the heavy food. I wasn\u2019t sure I could start again from the very beginning. Collecting the plates, I stacked them in the sink, running each one under water to wash away the worst of the grease. Then I handed Lara back her slippers and told her I hoped I hadn\u2019t stretched them.<\/p>\n Serafima stepped out of the bedroom. We exchanged knowing looks. <\/p>\n \u201cShe\u2019s going to do whatever she\u2019s going to do,\u201d I said, and Serafima nodded. When I took my leave, Lara was already crouching back over her laptop.<\/p>\n Walking home, I reflected again on Lara and what a noble, risk-taking nature she had. With her contemplative tastes, I thought, she might make a good nun someday \u2014 provided she were willing to change her name again.<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" I\u2019ll call her Lara Lipschitz, even though that\u2019s not her real name. Her real name doesn\u2019t matter. In her professional life as model, artist, EFL instructor and go-go dancer, she generally goes by a pseudonym. That pseudonym isn\u2019t \u201cLara Lipschitz,\u201d but it is unmistakably Jewish, so \u201cLara Lipschitz\u201d seems like a fair enough substitute for […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":192,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-16082","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"yoast_head":"\n