{"id":36,"date":"2011-06-02T00:11:45","date_gmt":"2011-06-02T00:11:45","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.patheos.com\/community\/diaryofawimpycatholic\/?p=36"},"modified":"2015-03-13T15:05:04","modified_gmt":"2015-03-13T21:05:04","slug":"the-sorriest-word-in-the-language","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/diaryofawimpycatholic\/2011\/06\/the-sorriest-word-in-the-language\/","title":{"rendered":"The Sorriest Word in the Language"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

My friend Rick is like an ancient manuscript in an obscure and long-dead language. His meaning, more often than not, is profound, but grasping that meaning can require a long and frustrating process of guesswork. One day he told me: \u201cYou know what word I _______ hate? What word I wish I could rip out of everyone\u2019s throat? \u2018Sorry\u2019. It\u2019s the most retarded word in the English language.\u201d<\/p>\n

His opinion on the word \u201cSorry\u201d was clear enough, but when I asked him what, exactly, made it retarded, he sputtered and clawed the air with such fury that I was afraid he\u2019d swallow his tongue. I felt so bad, I almost said the forbidden word myself, and decided to let the question remain a mystery.<\/p>\n

5 Reasons Not to Apologize,<\/strong><\/a> Craig Hembusch makes a go at unraveling it \u2014 and fails. In listing five types of situation where apologies are inappropriate, he helps out only the kind of palpitating neurotic who apologizes compulsively. (The British are said to apologize when people step on their feet. Let someone re-print this in the Times of London.<\/i>) What makes apologies potentially so toxic is their way of causing resentment even in the people to whom they\u2019re rightfully owed.<\/p>\n

When you get down to it, an apology is a social ritual with a very rigid pattern of call and response. You say \u201cSorry\u201d; the other person \u2014 either right away, or at some length \u2014 says, it\u2019s okay,\u201d \u201cDon\u2019t worry about it,\u201d or whatever (or, indeed, \u201cWhatever\u201d). To apologize, then, is to corner someone. Refusing an apology is as difficult as ignoring a proffered hand, or ducking an air kiss \u2014 it can be done, but at inestimable cost to the feng shui of the whole situation.<\/p>\n

Forcing an absolution is especially sneaky when the motive behind it is a desire to escape some kind of retribution. If he could find the words, Rick could tell you all about this. He runs a direct-marketing phone room; many of his employees are ex- or future convicts. One day, he caught a phone rep sneaking a few hits off a crack pipe in one of the men\u2019s room stalls. The man\u2019s cries \u2014 \u201cI\u2019M SORRY, RICK! I\u2019M SORRY! DON\u2019T FIRE ME, RICK! I\u2019M SORRY!\u201d rang off the walls and reached all the way to the sales floor. Peter Lorre himself couldn\u2019t have pleaded so pitiably with the gendarmes at his back. <\/p>\n

Rick had exactly two words for the man, and they weren\u2019t \u201cTe absolvo.\u201d <\/p>\n

At other times, the harm done may be so grave that issues of right and wrong are beside the point. One time, after Rick and I had boozed the night away, I woke up in his guest bedroom to feel his vodka, his beer and his nachos with his special Maui salsa verde with jalapenos and ground pineapple hurtling up my esophagus. By the time it forced its way out, I was in his bathroom, but alas, not quite over the toilet. The evening\u2019s entertainment splashed all over the shower curtain his wife had bought at Bed Bath and Beyond for over $80. <\/p>\n

I know the price because at that moment, Rick barged in and screamed, \u201cMY WIFE BOUGHT THAT SHOWER CURTAIN AT BED BATH AND BEYOND! IT COST OVER $80!\u201d<\/p>\n

The reason I\u2019m alive, typing this, is because I found the good sense not to say, \u201cSorry.\u201d Instead, I helped him clean up the mess in a stony silence. After waking up early the next morning, I drove to an ATM and took out $100. Slipping back through Rick\u2019s front door, I left the bills on the kitchen island, wrapped in a sheet of notebook paper \u2014 blank notebook paper. Then I drove home.<\/p>\n

Rick didn\u2019t call me the next week, which he would almost certainly have done, had things gone differently. Neither did I call him. After another week went by, I saw his number on my caller ID. I picked up, knowing what was coming. \u201cHey, Maximus,\u201d he said, chipper as anything. \u201cWanna come over for some cocktails?\u201d (This was his euphemism for \u201cboilermakers.\u201d) I allowed I did. This time around, we juggled the order of the refreshments, and everything worked out fine.<\/p>\n

Whatever the norms might be for sacramental confession, nothing helps two people reconcile like a well-timed conciliatory gesture, a bit of breathing space, and a firm purpose of amendment.<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

My friend Rick is like an ancient manuscript in an obscure and long-dead language. His meaning, more often than not, is profound, but grasping that meaning can require a long and frustrating process of guesswork. One day he told me: \u201cYou know what word I _______ hate? What word I wish I could rip out […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":192,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[102,146],"class_list":["post-36","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-friendship","tag-manners"],"yoast_head":"\nThe Sorriest Word in the Language<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"My friend Rick is like an ancient manuscript in an obscure and long-dead language. His meaning, more often than not, is profound, but grasping that\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/diaryofawimpycatholic\/2011\/06\/the-sorriest-word-in-the-language\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"The Sorriest Word in the Language\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"My friend Rick is like an ancient manuscript in an obscure and long-dead language. His meaning, more often than not, is profound, but grasping that\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/diaryofawimpycatholic\/2011\/06\/the-sorriest-word-in-the-language\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Diary of a Wimpy Catholic\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2011-06-02T00:11:45+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2015-03-13T21:05:04+00:00\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Max Lindenman\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Max Lindenman\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"4 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/diaryofawimpycatholic\/2011\/06\/the-sorriest-word-in-the-language\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/diaryofawimpycatholic\/2011\/06\/the-sorriest-word-in-the-language\/\",\"name\":\"The Sorriest Word in the Language\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/diaryofawimpycatholic\/#website\"},\"datePublished\":\"2011-06-02T00:11:45+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2015-03-13T21:05:04+00:00\",\"author\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/diaryofawimpycatholic\/#\/schema\/person\/f28642d6ff756d058ed6ff35f876e355\"},\"description\":\"My friend Rick is like an ancient manuscript in an obscure and long-dead language. His meaning, more often than not, is profound, but grasping that\",\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/diaryofawimpycatholic\/2011\/06\/the-sorriest-word-in-the-language\/#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/diaryofawimpycatholic\/2011\/06\/the-sorriest-word-in-the-language\/\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"BreadcrumbList\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/diaryofawimpycatholic\/2011\/06\/the-sorriest-word-in-the-language\/#breadcrumb\",\"itemListElement\":[{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":1,\"name\":\"Home\",\"item\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/diaryofawimpycatholic\/\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":2,\"name\":\"The Sorriest Word in the Language\"}]},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/diaryofawimpycatholic\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/diaryofawimpycatholic\/\",\"name\":\"Diary of a Wimpy Catholic\",\"description\":\"A Hedonist Contemplates Heaven\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":{\"@type\":\"EntryPoint\",\"urlTemplate\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/diaryofawimpycatholic\/?s={search_term_string}\"},\"query-input\":\"required name=search_term_string\"}],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"Person\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/diaryofawimpycatholic\/#\/schema\/person\/f28642d6ff756d058ed6ff35f876e355\",\"name\":\"Max Lindenman\",\"image\":{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/diaryofawimpycatholic\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/2823340b259acd6c04cbc8d94213ca58?s=96&d=mm&r=r\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/2823340b259acd6c04cbc8d94213ca58?s=96&d=mm&r=r\",\"caption\":\"Max Lindenman\"},\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/diaryofawimpycatholic\/author\/maxlindenman\/\"}]}<\/script>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"The Sorriest Word in the Language","description":"My friend Rick is like an ancient manuscript in an obscure and long-dead language. His meaning, more often than not, is profound, but grasping that","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/diaryofawimpycatholic\/2011\/06\/the-sorriest-word-in-the-language\/","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"The Sorriest Word in the Language","og_description":"My friend Rick is like an ancient manuscript in an obscure and long-dead language. His meaning, more often than not, is profound, but grasping that","og_url":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/diaryofawimpycatholic\/2011\/06\/the-sorriest-word-in-the-language\/","og_site_name":"Diary of a Wimpy Catholic","article_published_time":"2011-06-02T00:11:45+00:00","article_modified_time":"2015-03-13T21:05:04+00:00","author":"Max Lindenman","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","twitter_misc":{"Written by":"Max Lindenman","Est. reading time":"4 minutes"},"schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/diaryofawimpycatholic\/2011\/06\/the-sorriest-word-in-the-language\/","url":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/diaryofawimpycatholic\/2011\/06\/the-sorriest-word-in-the-language\/","name":"The Sorriest Word in the Language","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/diaryofawimpycatholic\/#website"},"datePublished":"2011-06-02T00:11:45+00:00","dateModified":"2015-03-13T21:05:04+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/diaryofawimpycatholic\/#\/schema\/person\/f28642d6ff756d058ed6ff35f876e355"},"description":"My friend Rick is like an ancient manuscript in an obscure and long-dead language. His meaning, more often than not, is profound, but grasping that","breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/diaryofawimpycatholic\/2011\/06\/the-sorriest-word-in-the-language\/#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/diaryofawimpycatholic\/2011\/06\/the-sorriest-word-in-the-language\/"]}]},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/diaryofawimpycatholic\/2011\/06\/the-sorriest-word-in-the-language\/#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/diaryofawimpycatholic\/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"The Sorriest Word in the Language"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/diaryofawimpycatholic\/#website","url":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/diaryofawimpycatholic\/","name":"Diary of a Wimpy Catholic","description":"A Hedonist Contemplates Heaven","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/diaryofawimpycatholic\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":"required name=search_term_string"}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/diaryofawimpycatholic\/#\/schema\/person\/f28642d6ff756d058ed6ff35f876e355","name":"Max Lindenman","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/diaryofawimpycatholic\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/2823340b259acd6c04cbc8d94213ca58?s=96&d=mm&r=r","contentUrl":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/2823340b259acd6c04cbc8d94213ca58?s=96&d=mm&r=r","caption":"Max Lindenman"},"url":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/diaryofawimpycatholic\/author\/maxlindenman\/"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/diaryofawimpycatholic\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/36","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/diaryofawimpycatholic\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/diaryofawimpycatholic\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/diaryofawimpycatholic\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/192"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/diaryofawimpycatholic\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=36"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/diaryofawimpycatholic\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/36\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/diaryofawimpycatholic\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=36"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/diaryofawimpycatholic\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=36"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/diaryofawimpycatholic\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=36"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}