Mythical Being Attacks Rod Parsley

Mythical Being Attacks Rod Parsley December 27, 2011

Right Wing Watch reports that a non-existent being — Satan, of course — is once again attacking fundie nutball and first class fraud Rod Parsley. But don’t worry, if you’ll just send him money he can fend off the attack.

Satan has attacked Breakthrough’s finances and we need $1.2 million by year’s end! Thank God for the Matching Challenge that can DOUBLE every gift!

Here’s a video of his message:

httpv://youtu.be/LNLq92JJobY

With annual revenue in the range of $200 million, maybe Parsley should tighten his belt a bit. Maybe he should sell his million-dollar home. Or his private jet.

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  • quincyme1970

    Simply sickening.

  • Reginald Selkirk

    But don’t worry, if you’ll just send him money he can fend off the attack.

    But suppose I approve of the attack; how do I send money to Satan instead?

  • richardrathbun

    “Simply sickening.”

    And yet, completely unsurprising!

  • Mr Ed

    He looks sounds and speaks like a southern preacher out of central casting. I would be interested in knowing just how the “adversary” is attacking his finances.

  • Randomfactor

    But suppose I approve of the attack; how do I send money to Satan instead?

    C/o ed@freethoughtblogs.

  • Reginald Selkirk

    I would be interested in knowing just how the “adversary” is attacking his finances.

    Probably in the usual way; by transferring portions of his money to drug dealers and whorehouses.

  • imrryr

    You know, I was attacked by a dragon this one time. Fortunately, I had a lot of fire resistance gear on.

  • Michael Heath

    Mr. Ed writes:

    He looks sounds and speaks like a southern preacher out of central casting.

    Many of the northern preachers I encountered in my youth in the 1960s and 70s used the very same method of articulation. However, I too was struck by how dependent Rod Parsely is on this form and immediately listened to a recent video of Rick Warren to see if he was employing this method at all; he wasn’t as best as I could tell.

    It’d be interesting to see how people’s brain activity changes when encountering both types in various situations and whether those results have changed over the years. Is Parsley’s style a signal to shut off the thinking parts of the brain and just passively concede all his points via chemical splashes similar to a cocaine high? Have some fundies adapted and now reject Parsley’s adopted form as the artifice it clearly is?

    I think perhaps Mr. Warren’s success with certain demographic groups comes partly from not talking like a fundie preacher but instead posing as a reasonable person in spite of taking positions similar and even equivalent to Parsley’s numb-skulled ones. Warren’s sheep might follow his edicts partly because he speaks in a normal cadence and style not realizing they’re falling for a new shtick for the same reasons they previously fell for Parsley’s. Of course if Parsley’s approach fades into obscurity Warren and his style of speaking will no longer be able to distinguish itself; so what’s the next speaking tool to get the sheep to stop thinking and just slavishly obey?

  • dingojack

    Sounds like my “Occupy Rod Parsley Movement” is working then!

    Yippee! Send more money, suckers, ya can’t run an anti-church on hail Baals ya know!

    Per procurationem SATAN.

  • John Hinkle

    Satan must’ve had some time left over, because he attacked the oil pan on my ’95 Civic with sodium chloride and now it’s leaking. I thought huh, what’s an oil pan, pop off the old one and slap on a new one. Couple-o-bucks.

    I was wrong. I need $560 by day’s end! I will halve all donations and apply that money to Satan so he can screw with the mechanic’s finances!

  • lordshipmayhem

    To send money to Satan: he’s currently playing for the Slovak Bratislava hockey club. I suggest you buy a pair of home game tickets and donate them to the local hospital to send a hospitalized child to his game for the night, with a nurse escort.

  • dingojack

    lordshipmayhem – “send a hospitalized child to his game for the night, with a nurse escort“.

    that’s a brilliant idea!

    He gets kinda hungry about half-time!

    pp SATAN

  • d cwilson

    Obviously god needs a private jet, at least until we can build him a spaceship. Duh.

  • About 15 years ago, I was flipping channels and came across Rod Parsley preaching on a Christian radio station. And what he said has been seared into my brain ever since because it was so incredible. He told his credulous followers, “How do I know that the Bible is the word of God? Because it’s the only book that claims to be the word of God. So I don’t need the Koran. I don’t need the Book of Mormon…” And the camera panned the audience as people nodded their heads and uttered “amen.”

  • I wonder what he thinks of The Last Testament, then…

  • raven

    Satan has attacked Breakthrough’s finances and we need $1.2 million by year’s end!

    Why does satan need money? I never see him shopping anywhere.

    Besides, as a powerful supernatural being, he should be able to poof it into existence or something. Our normal currency is just colored squares of paper and even motivated humans can counterfeit it.

    A lot of money is also digital. Even a talented child can do wonders with computers.

    Not even going to mention what the Wizards of Wall Street do with and to money. Some things are horrors beyond normal space and time.

  • Aquaria

    “How do I know that the Bible is the word of God? Because it’s the only book that claims to be the word of God. So I don’t need the Koran. I don’t need the Book of Mormon…” And the camera panned the audience as people nodded their heads and uttered “amen.”

    I love it when the christers say that.

    There’s not enough laughter in the world, after all.

  • raven

    Parsley is one of the more repulsive of the vaguely humanoid toad leaders, if that is possible.

    His big idea is to start a World War between the 2 billion xians and 1.4 billion Moslems. Needless to say, a few billion people would be dead and it would go nuclear at some point.

    His church has also been in trouble for covering up child sexual abuse. Surprise.

    I don’t believe satan is attacking Parsley’s finances though. If he existed, he and Parsley would be great friends. The only thing satan would be attacking is Parsley’s stash of Scotch, Bourbon, and moonshine.

  • d cwilson

    “How do I know that the Bible is the word of God? Because it’s the only book that claims to be the word of God. So I don’t need the Koran. I don’t need the Book of Mormon…”

    Ignorance is virtue on planet Wingnuttia.

  • matty1

    Mythical beings are only concerned with mythical money.I just donated a bajillion fairy galleons each to Rod and Satan to spend on a televised magic duel.

  • Michael Heath

    raven asserts:

    [Rod Parsley’s] big idea is to start a World War between the 2 billion xians and 1.4 billion Moslems. Needless to say, a few billion people would be dead and it would go nuclear at some point.

    I was intrigued enough to google Rod Parsley and Sarah Palin given Palin’s apparent fantasy of leading the world into Armageddon. All I got was that 2008 GOP presidential nominee John McCain somewhat laudably disassociated himself from Rod Parsley’s endorsement mere hours after doing the same with John Hagee’s.

    It seems to me that Sen. McCain’s years spent cocktailing it after-hours had him not realizing the true nature of the religious right whose vote he needed once he became the ’08 nominee. So while I’m grateful McCain condemned Parsley and Hagee, I still condemn him for not being cognizant of the very nature of the party he led in 2008 – and the resultant harm they’ve caused nearly all extant humans.

  • raven

    wikipedia:

    Parsley has called upon Christians to counter the claims of Islam, noting that it is an “anti-Christ religion” predicated on “deception” and “America was founded in part, with the intention of seeing this false religion destroyed.”[19] The Muslim prophet Muhammad, he writes, “received revelations from demons and not from the true God.” And he emphasizes this point: “Allah was a demon spirit.”[20]

    Rod Parsley on Islam, Christian Newswww.christianpost.com › OpinionCached

    14 Apr 2008 – Rod Parsley on Islam … Now, Parsley—as in Rod Parsley—

    is the flavor of the month among the controversial … World Harvest Church in Columbus, calls for ” destroying” Islam. … calls for war from militants on both sides. …

    Parsley’s big thing besides lying a lot, is hating Islam and Moslems. I’d like to know where he found out that Allah is a demon spirit. I’m sure it somehow involved voices in his head though.

    He is also a xian Domionist who hates our secular democracy.

  • d cwilson

    “America was founded in part, with the intention of seeing this false religion destroyed.”

    Really? Wow. That must have been news Jefferson, who signed the Treaty of Tripoli which states:

    “the government of the United States of America is not, in any sense, founded on the Christian religion, as it has in itself no character of enmity against the laws, religion or tranquility of Musselmen.”

  • Strategically Shaved Monkey

    Dingo #12

    Thanks. I spewed my beer, but it was worth it.

    I get this fecker every day on TV and did you know none of his advertised numbers will accept reversed calls from needy Africa. Must be Satan working his magic.

  • Pierce R. Butler

    raven @ # 18: His church has also been in trouble for covering up child sexual abuse.

    Just about two years ago today, Satan attacked Parsley Enterprises for the exact same amount of money that they’d been forced to pay up for an abuse settlement.

    d cwilson # @ 23 – Uh, that was John Adams who signed the Treaty of Tripoli.

  • d cwilson

    My bad. So it was John Adams who failed to realize that America was founded in part on destroying Islam.

  • Pierce R. Butler

    Don’t blame John – he was there, but out of the loop.

  • dingojack

    RE: Treaty of Tripoli.

    In fact the entire US Senate and the House ratified it.

    I guess ‘they knew not what they did’ 😉

    Dingo (for himself)

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