Newt Wants Palin

Newt Wants Palin January 19, 2012

No, he’s not looking for his fourth wife — at least not yet. After she said she would vote for him in South Carolina — but, bizarrely, only there — Newt said if he’s elected, he wants Sarah Palin to play a “major role” in his administration.

“Gov. Palin is somebody who I think was a very good reform governor. She was extraordinarily effective negotiating with big oil. She did a good job in the state of Alaska. I think she’s a very articulate leader of the tea party conservative movement. I was honored and delighted last night when she said if she were in South Carolina, she’d vote for Newt Gingrich. I hope everybody who likes her decides she’s right. And I hope they vote for me.

“Certainly, she’s one of the people I’d call on for advice. I would ask her to consider taking a major role in the next administration if I’m president, but nothing has been discussed of any kind. And it wouldn’t be appropriate to discuss it at this time.

“I’m just delighted that she and Todd have been both of them so supportive of my candidacy. And they recognize that, you know, I’m a tea party Reform conservative. I’m not part of the Washington establishment. And I think that’s the signal that her endorsement last night really sends.”

I’ll let you finish laughing about him claiming not to be part of the Washington establishment. I mean, if the former speaker of the house turned lobbyist is not a Washington insider, who the hell could possibly be? Done laughing? Good. Now you can start laughing at the fact that he thinks Sarah Palin would actually want to do a job when she’s already getting paid a fortune to do nothing.

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  • Aquaria

    You’d think the GOP wouldn’t need a village idiot.

  • If she advised him to quit halfway through his term, maybe she would be a plus.

  • Hercules Grytpype-Thynne

    Now you can start laughing at the fact that he thinks Sarah Palin would actually want to do a job when she’s already getting paid a fortune to do nothing.

    Don’t rush me. I’m still laughing over the idea that Newt thinks she’s articulate.

  • jamessweet

    Oh man. Gingrich/Palin 2012. Please please please please please please please please……..

  • gshelley

    Was it Newt or one of the others that recently said he couldn’t imagine anyone better qualified to be energy secretary?

  • Brownian

    Newt might be a Washington outsider (just as much as Romney knows what it’s like to be a working class American, I suppose), but he knows how to speak a lot while saying very little.

    I was honored and delighted last night when she said if she were in South Carolina, she’d vote for Newt Gingrich. I hope everybody who likes her decides she’s right. And I hope they vote for me. [Emphasis mine.]

    That’s all he meant. He doesn’t love Sarah for her political acumen. He loves her for her voters.

  • Blondin

    Have you seen this story yet:

    Gingrich Lacks Moral Character to Be President, Ex-Wife Says

    Newt Gingrich lacks the moral character to serve as President, his second ex-wife Marianne told ABC News, saying his campaign positions on the sanctity of marriage and the importance of family values do not square with what she saw during their 18 years of marriage.

  • If she advised him to quit halfway through his term, maybe she would be a plus.

    No, she’d just quit herself the minute he asked her for advice on any serious matter.

  • John Hinkle

    I think she’s a very articulate leader of the tea party conservative movement.

    Well yeah, given that all eight words in the tea party vocabulary can be scribbled on the inside of her palm.

  • Olav

    I admit, a tiny diabolical part of me wants to see it happen, just to see what happens. From where I am sitting, on the other side of planet Terra, I could be just safe from the fallout.

    The decade long nuclear winter would be somehwat harder to deal with.

    Please, Americans, do not vote for utterly insane candidates.

  • matty1

    I think she’s a very articulate leader of the tea party conservative movement.

    Lets take out all the words that are false or meaningless and see whats left.

    I think she’s a very articulate leader of the tea party conservative movement.

    That’s it, that’s the entire reason for mentioning she’s another conservative?

  • Doug Little

    Newt said if he’s elected, he wants Sarah Palin to play a “major role” in his administration.

    Episode 23 of the great conservative ideas man. Newt uses a rocket launcher on his own sinking ship of a campaign.

  • peterh

    “Please, Americans, do not vote for utterly insane candidates.”

    Would that we had an alternative! Lewis Carroll would have a field day with these bozos.

  • matty1

    Episode 23 of the great conservative ideas man. Newt uses a rocket launcher on his own sinking ship of a campaign.

    Newt is Captain Schettino, he’s already in the life raft of after dinner speeches and other ways to make money out of politics without being elected.

  • Doug Little

    Newt is Captain Schettino

    Bumper sticker anyone!

    Ha ha Ha, that is fucking hilarious.

  • eric

    Well, I guess those who not learn from McCain are doomed to repeat him.

  • Tony

    Olva@10:

    -That is just eeeeeviiiiilll. Tell you what, we will meet you halfway. We’ll keep Newt/Sarah for 2 years, then your country gets them. Cool?

  • Tony

    Sorry about that typo. It was supposed to be addressed to OLAV, not olva…gah!

  • slc1

    Laugh it up. Apparently, the criticisms of Romney over his Bain, taxes, and Cayman Island bank accounts are now having some effect in South Carolina as Gingrich has caught up with him in the latest poll. As Yogi Berra used to say, it ain’t over until it’s over.

    http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-503544_162-57362188-503544/gingrich-romney-in-dead-heat-in-new-south-carolina-poll/

  • Olav

    Don’t worry Tony, I don’t mind the typo.

    As for your proposed deal though, I would have to decline.

    Please keep your Salamander and your Miss Alaska and deal with them. We have enough hateful idiots of our own right here and we don’t need to inspire them to become even crazier.

  • slc1

    OT but relative to the SOPA controversy, the Justice Department shut down one of the largest file sharing services, Megaupload and had a number of their executives arrested. Obviously, the Feds have sufficient tools to go after piracy without SOPA and its Senate counterpart. I suspect that their competitors like Rapidshare and Hotfile will be deleting files like crazy so go get ’em while you can.

    http://www.pcmag.com/article2/0,2817,2399105,00.asp

    http://www.pcmag.com/article2/0,2817,2399105,00.asp

  • d cwilson

    No, he’s not looking for his fourth wife

    I wouldn’t be so sure. After all, Callista was his staffer at one point.

  • John Hinkle

    Here’s what Newt was thinking as he spoke:

    “Gov. Palin is somebody who I think was a very good reform governor. Woa! Keep it believable. She was extraordinarily effective negotiating with big oil. I said believable! She did a good job in the state of Alaska. I wonder how long I can keep these cameras on me? I think she’s a very articulate leader of the tea party conservative movement. Do NOT laugh! I was honored and delighted last night when she said if she were in South Carolina, she’d vote for Newt Gingrich. Referred to myself in the third person – smart people do that. I hope everybody who likes her decides she’s right. And I hope they vote for me. That should wrap up the dunce vote.

    “Certainly, she’s one of the people I’d call on for advice. No one can advise me. I am the Great Newt! Now, where was I? Oh yeah… I would ask her to consider taking a major role in the next administration if I’m president (like foreign minister to the country of Africa – ha!), but nothing has been discussed of any kind. And it wouldn’t be appropriate to discuss it at this time. Attentions are waning, wrap this up.

    “I’m just delighted that she (… ah shit, I better mention her fucking husband too) and Todd have been both of them so supportive of my candidacy. And they recognize that, you know, I’m a tea party Reform conservative. I shouldn’t say I, me, or mine a lot, but I just can’t help myself. I’m not part of the Washington establishment. Ba dum, splash! Be here ’till Tuesday, folks! And I think that’s the signal that her endorsement last night really sends.” I cannot wait to see myself on TV tonight!

  • Doug Little

    Laugh it up

    Yeah, I’ll keep laughing, if Newt were to actually gain the republican nomination (a long shot) he is not doing himself any favors associating with Palin when trying court independents in the general election. Of course anything these bozos say to try and court the tea baggers is pretty much sealing their fate.

    One last point, if Newt were to gain the nomination no one would be more surprised than Newt.

  • KG

    slc1@21,

    What’s more, Governor Perry has endorsed Newt. That’s got to sway at least three more people :-p

  • KG

    I rather hope Newt Gangrene does win South Carolina. That would set things up nicely for a long and bitter wrestling-match with Mittens, with plenty of eye-gouging and scrotum-twisting.

    blondin@7. Yeah, but didn’t you know? Since then he’s found Jesus! (And had him deported back to Palestine as an illegal immigrant.)

  • yoav

    I think she’s a very articulate leader of the tea party conservative movement.

    Maybe if you grade on a curve.

  • Am I the only one here who’s thinking that Newt saw, “The Producers” and thought it was a documentary? I mean, a bloated horse’s ass does his best to fuck the dog on his own project so’s he can get rich on the oversold shares; what’s in there for Newt to NOT like?

    “You’d think the GOP wouldn’t need a village idiot.”

    Aquaria is my MUSE! I’ve got THE bumpersticker for Newt.

    “It takes a whole village to raise a child, but it only takes one idiot to raze a whole village!”.

  • exdrone

    But you can see the affinity. Someone who can’t commit to staying in a marriage teaming up with someone who can’t commit to staying with a job.

  • Artor

    Oh, Callista, the bell tolls for thee. Your darling Newticle has set his sights on ex-wife #4. Maybe Todd can comfort you after you get dumped at the hospital bedside too. Don’t worry though; you’ll have plenty of company.

  • sqlrob
  • Trebuchet

    A couple of weeks ago, Conservapedia (which I keep track of at http://rationalwiki.org/wiki/Main_Page) predicted Newt would be the next president and Palin Secretary of State. Presumably because she can see Russia from her house.

  • timberwoof

    “She was extraordinarily effective negotiating with big oil.”

    I’m not sure what that means. She raised taxes on them, pissed them off, got some of them to leave the state, and blamed it on the environmentalists.

    “I’m a tea party Reform conservative.”

    What the hell is a Reform conservative?

    Maybe he’ll make her Press Secretary. (That’s the one in charge of the creases in his trousers.)

  • dingojack

    Must be my dirty mind, but timberwolf’s comment above made me think of that ‘Whose Line’ game called (I think) innuendo:

    Newtie wants The Impalinator to put the creases back in his trousers, ifyakownwhatImean‘.

    😀 Dingo

  • StevoR

    I’ll let you finish laughing about him claiming not to be part of the Washington establishment. I mean, if the former speaker of the house turned lobbyist is not a Washington insider, who the hell could possibly be? Done laughing?

    No.

    @4. jamessweet :“Oh man. Gingrich/Palin 2012. Please please please please please please please please……”

    Be careful what you wish for. You may get it.

    Okay, highly unlikely in this case but still.

    @John Hinkle : “Here’s what Newt was thinking as he spoke.”

    Good one. Cheers for that.

  • nemothederv

    You know you have a successfully bulletproofed your book tour campaign from rational analysis when even Stephen Colbert can’t adequately parody you.

  • Stevarious

    “She was extraordinarily effective negotiating with big oil.”

    I’m not sure what that means. She raised taxes on them, pissed them off, got some of them to leave the state, and blamed it on the environmentalists.

    As I understand it, it was her incredible ignorance of nuance, shortsightedness, lack of subtlety, and bull-headed stubbornness that served her well in negotiations with the oil companies. She was able to bypass decades of cronyism and corruption in the Alaskan state government that was allowing the oil companies to strip Alaska of her natural resources for a song – by simply not giving a shit whose boats she rocked as she bullied people into giving her her way.

    Unfortunately, her lack of subtlety and shortsightedness also meant that when she quit, her lieutenant-governor (an ex-oil lobbyist) had a free hand to reverse all the good that she accidentally accomplished in her quest to get her way. Things are almost completely back to the way they were by now.

    (Most of this knowledge comes to me second hand – any Alaskans, feel free to correct me on the details.)

  • jnorris

    I think it was you ED who blogged in FTB: a blogger thought it was ‘cute’ Newter thought Palin would actually take a job that had responsibilities. I luv the use of ‘cute’.