With all the recent bills<\/a> passing state legislatures (by white men primarily) restricting or limiting access to abortion, I\u2019m struck once again with how we label our views\u2014what we are supposedly for<\/em> or against<\/em>.\u00a0 There are many aspects to all this we could discuss, but quick disclaimer, I do so hesitantly, because, as a man, I\u2019m beginning to think we (men) should just shut up when it comes to this issue.<\/p>\n Our physical inability to know what it\u2019s like to be pregnant or give birth, should, but rarely does, gives us pause.\u00a0 I write then with such firmly in mind.\u00a0 The only reason I address this issue now, I hope, is to stand in solidarity with those women who while wanting abortion to remain legal, are tired of being portrayed as either, \u201cpro\u201d abortion or indifferent to the ethical questions involved.<\/p>\n What I want to address are some of these self-designations.\u00a0 Supposed \u201cpro-life\u201d people don\u2019t appear, to me, very pro-life when it comes to almost every area outside the abortion question.\u00a0 Do they ever ponder that fact?\u00a0 But the term \u201cpro-choice\u201d which too many people hear as, \u201cpro-abortion\u201d seems, to me, to be the most misunderstood.\u00a0 Believing abortion should be legal, in my mind, does not make a person, for<\/em>, or, \u201cpro\u201d-abortion.<\/p>\n This idea that Democrats, liberals, or feminists are \u201cpro\u201d-abortion, that they don\u2019t care about the ethical questions involved, or somehow even cheer abortions on, is something I have never encountered.\u00a0 I have yet to run into or talk to such a person.\u00a0 They seem to exist in fevered imaginations only.\u00a0 What I do know is most of the Democrats, liberals, and feminists in my life just want abortions to be safe.\u00a0 And they know the only way they can be safe is if they are legal and regulated.\u00a0 Such does not make a person, \u201cpro-abortion,\u201d for \u201cbaby killing,\u201d \u201cevil,\u201d or someone who cheers on those who have abortions.\u00a0 Even with the recent New York decision, people weren\u2019t cheering for<\/em> abortion.\u00a0 They were cheering for the outcomes noted here<\/a>.<\/p>\n Even the term \u201cpro-choice\u201d is misunderstood.\u00a0 It\u2019s not as if those who claim the designation believe the choice is like deciding to have a pet or go on vacation.\u00a0 It\u2019s not a celebration of unbridled \u201cchoice\u201d as in the freedom to do as one pleases, and to hell with everything and everyone else.\u00a0 It\u2019s about giving the person the most impacted by the circumstances and context of their pregnancy, the one tied in a way to the decision (physically) no other person could be, the space and trust to make that decision without the fear of being punished.\u00a0 If such decisions (decisions physically intrinsic to men) were denied men, they would no doubt riot and burn the place down.<\/p>\n Fact: Abortions will occur whether they are legal or not.\u00a0 No one disputes that.\u00a0 Abortions have occurred since, one would imagine, the beginning of childbearing.\u00a0 We also know the impact of having an abortion, or not having one, falls harder on poor women than it does the wealthy.\u00a0 The wealthy will always have the option for abortion, whether it\u2019s legal or not, with no material or social impact to their lives.\u00a0 Not so for the poor.<\/p>\n Somehow men and the wealthy have created a world where these issues become mostly women\u2019s problems, and poor women at that.\u00a0 And we still sit in our glass houses and on our high moral horses as we (men) look down upon women in judgement, commenting upon things of which, we have very little understanding and will never experience.<\/p>\n If abortion was illegal, they would still take place, but many of them would result in the death of the mother (In 1930, 2700<\/a> women died from abortion attempts).\u00a0 Would that make us all happier?\u00a0 Further, if they are unsuccessful, they may result in the birth of a permanently injured child.\u00a0 Would this salve anyone\u2019s conscious?\u00a0 Is that what we really want?<\/p>\n Would we sleep better at night knowing abortion was illegal, but that many women, possibly our significant other, daughter, sister, niece, cousin, or dear friend might die or severely injure themselves or the embryo\/fetus in failed attempts?\u00a0 When we saw a poor, single woman with a brain-damaged child from a failed abortion attempt, would we comfort ourselves by thinking: \u201cWell, at least abortion is illegal.\u201d<\/p>\n Anyone who thinks abortion is a simple or plain issue, either hasn\u2019t lived much, has no women friends, or most of their information is based upon emotion or ignorance.\u00a0 Talk to the women in one\u2019s life.\u00a0 Talk to some poor women or women who were faced with some of the most devastating circumstances or medical problems one could imagine and see if one thinks it\u2019s still a simple and plain issue.\u00a0 Maybe in a perfect world it\u2019s a simple matter, but the last time I checked, we don\u2019t live in a perfect world.<\/p>\n Self-designating, \u201cPro-life\u201d people: It does no good to paint those who believe abortion should be legal as celebrating abortion, promoting abortion, liking abortion, or cheering for abortion.\u00a0 It does no good to call them, \u201cevil,\u201d \u201cbaby killers,\u201d compare their views to the Holocaust, or basically mischaracterize their opinions and motives to the point of destroying any hope of understanding or dialogue.<\/p>\n I consider myself pro-life.\u00a0 Except, unlike many \u201cpro-life\u201d people, I try to be so across the spectrum (against capital punishment, for budgets that reflect a preference for children and the poor, anti-empire\/war, for common sense gun laws, pacifist to an extent, etc.).\u00a0 I\u2019m not just, \u201cpro-birth.\u201d\u00a0 However, I still think abortion should remain legal and I don\u2019t see such as a contradiction.<\/p>\n I understand the vast differences as an analogy, but to the core point: I\u2019m pro-marriage, but still believe divorce should be legal.\u00a0 There\u2019s no contradiction there.\u00a0 If one believes divorce should be legal, it doesn\u2019t make them, \u201cpro\u201d-divorce or, \u201canti\u201d-marriage.\u00a0 No one applies that sort of logic to divorce and marriage, but they do when it comes to abortion.\u00a0 Either way, the \u201clogic\u201d still fails.<\/p>\n Additionally, given the sexual abuse scandals in the Catholic and Evangelical traditions, and given the white evangelical support of someone as morally unfit as Trump<\/a>, why would we think, especially now, that we (Christian men) have any moral authority to pronounce in this area?\u00a0 Evangelicals: Supporting Trump has, for who knows how long, completely undermined whatever moral authority you may have thought you had (probably very little, but still\u2026).\u00a0 Do you think anyone gives a damn what you think at this point about sexuality, family, abortion or morality?\u00a0 Please<\/em>.<\/p>\n Someone might respond, but they should give a damn about what the Bible thinks\/says.\u00a0 I hate to break this to the person who would respond so naively, but the Bible doesn\u2019t think or speak.\u00a0 We<\/em> do.\u00a0 Please don\u2019t mistake your<\/em> voice or thoughts for the Bible\u2019s or God\u2019s.\u00a0 That is exactly one reason the discussion around this issue is so charged and volatile to begin with.\u00a0 Such assertions help no one and add nothing to the conversation.<\/p>\n I would hope we could agree that while the matter is undergoing this national on-going discussion, abortion should remain legal if only for the safety of mothers, especially poor and disadvantaged mothers.\u00a0 In the meantime, the dialogue needs to continue in such a way where an honest and reasonable conversation around the issue can even take place.<\/p>\n For deeper discussions of this issue, see here<\/a>, here<\/a>, and here<\/a>.<\/p>\n Let me state the obvious: We live in a complicated world.\u00a0 And one of the most complicated parts of that world is sexuality and pregnancy.\u00a0 Every single case of pregnancy has its own complex web of interlocking factors, extenuating circumstances, medical issues, life impacts, and relationships.\u00a0 It is clearly an area where grace, mercy, understanding and love are better applied than a single law, whose only outcome can be their eclipse.<\/p>\n