{"id":106,"date":"2012-01-21T17:24:00","date_gmt":"2012-01-22T00:24:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/egregioustwaddle\/2012\/01\/the-elephant-in-the-pew\/"},"modified":"2016-05-02T11:15:33","modified_gmt":"2016-05-02T17:15:33","slug":"the-elephant-in-the-pew","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/egregioustwaddle\/2012\/01\/the-elephant-in-the-pew.html","title":{"rendered":"The Elephant in the Pew"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>
In the tangled journey home of this particular returning Catholic, this is one of the toughest times of the year. Tomorrow marks the 39th anniversary of the passage of Roe v. Wade, and everybody I know is\u2013literally or figuratively\u2013on the bus to Washington for the annual March for Life. Most of the Catholics I know and love are on the bus in support of the march and in passionate protest of the right to legalized abortion that Roe established. Most of the non-Catholics I know and love are on another bus entirely, in protest of the march and in passionate support of retaining and expanding Roe\u2019s provisions.<\/div>\n

There\u2019s a seat saved for me on each bus, but I feel more like I\u2019ve been run over by them both.<\/p>\n

<\/div>\n

I loathe the vitriol that so often fuels both vehicles, quite frankly. Taking a seat on either bus would mean aligning myself not only with the finest ideals and most compassionate goals of that side of the debate\u2013and believe me, I know how much of a limb I\u2019m going out on even to cede that both sides have<\/i> ideals and compassion!\u2013but also with the worst bigotry and stereotyping and hatred that side can muster. All this in the name of human life, that most precious and dignified gift of God\u2013as precious and dignified, I deeply believe, in the form of a woman struggling to choose where her life goes next as it is in the tiny footprint of her fetus.<\/p>\n

So it\u2019s been my practice to shut up and attempt to ignore the biggest elephant of the herd of them inhabiting the living room of my reversion. Only this year, that will be even harder to do. January 22 falls on a Sunday this year, so the elephant will be sitting in the pew with me tomorrow, shifting uncomfortably, poking me with its trunk. It knows what I want to do, and why I think I can\u2019t.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/div>\n

What I want to do\u2013as a woman, as a mother and grandmother, as a believer\u2013is climb aboard the Catholic bus, joyfully and proudly. I want passionately to advocate for a world in which no woman aborts, because there are no circumstances in which there aren\u2019t better and safer and more affordable and compassionate and communally-supported alternatives that respect the woman as a person as much as the child she carries. I want to stand up for the wonder and glory of life in all its complicated, messy, terrifying, holy forms and circumstances.<\/p>\n

But. Among the reasons why I think I can\u2019t punch my ticket for the pro-life bus just yet is the story of a young, recently married woman who found herself pregnant in the early months of 1950. She had some bleeding and pain that frightened her, so she saw her obstetrician. Using the best tests available at the time, he told her the pregnancy was ectopic; the embryo had implanted in the Fallopian tubes instead of the uterus. He told her that allowing the pregnancy to continue would almost certainly kill both her and her unborn child. He explained that termination at this early stage for this reason was both legal and medically necessary. The doctor was Jewish, but he knew the woman was Catholic, and advised her to speak with her priest about the recommendation.<\/p>\n

The pastor of her parish, a family friend, was sympathetic but firm. She had no choice, he explained. In the economy of salvation, the life of the child was worth infinitely more than that of the mother. Should going forward with the pregnancy cost her her life, she would have given it for the highest possible grace. Should she go forward with the termination, she might save her own life but would most assuredly damn her soul. And everyone, he added, would know<\/i>.<\/p>\n

She agreed she had no choice. And for the next eight months she lived in terrible fear, every day, that the alien creature inside her would explode like a landmine. It didn\u2019t. I<\/i> didn\u2019t. [Editorial note: The tests were wrong. It was a perfectly normal pregnancy, though my mother never knew or trusted that.]<\/b> But for the rest of her life, my mother\u2019s love for me, and her faith in God, was distorted by having seen me, in no small part, as an assassin planted in her womb by the Church.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/div>\n

I didn\u2019t know this story until I was an adult and a mother myself. I grew up thinking of my mother as impressively radical for her working-class Boston Irish background, a woman who nearly got booted from her third term as president of the Mother\u2019s Club at Immaculate Heart of Mary Grammar School because she dared to question the Church\u2019s teaching that (as she heard it, as it was presented then) babies were more precious than women. I thought she was cool for letting me watch the controversial episode of Dr. Kildare<\/a><\/i> that raised the issue of legalizing abortion, even though our pastor had prohibited it from the pulpit. I thought it was pretty enlightened of her to be our local Church\u2019s token feminist. I didn\u2019t know, until she told me one day, holding her grandson in her lap, that in her view it was the Church that shoved her into feminism.<\/p>\n

I wouldn\u2019t let one story\u2013even if that story is my mother\u2019s, and my own\u2013stop me from coming out as pro-life, however. It\u2019s more the way that so many prolife Catholics, then and now, look at women like my mother and so many millions of other women pregnant in circumstances that range from far more threatening to far less thoughtful: like they\u2019re filthy, and evil, and monstrous for being scared enough or alone enough or sick enough or just plain young and stupid enough to consider terminating a pregnancy. Yes, I am aware that there are many on the Catholic bus who don\u2019t do this\u00a0(case in point: Deacon Greg Kandra\u2019s very balanced and thoughtful homily<\/a> for tomorrow, which prompted this reflection of mine), who reach out with compassion, but quite frankly you wouldn\u2019t know it if you spent any time in the comboxes. \u00a0When the other bus accuses us of being judgmental and lacking in empathy, it\u2019s not only their own bias that offers proof texts.<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t want to get on board a bus that would invite me to look at women that way. Even worse, I don\u2019t want to have to look at sexuality\u2013the whole big multistory howdah teetering atop every elephant in the pew\u2013the way so much of the Catholic prolife movement wants me to see it: as a gift from God, yeah sure, but one so limited in usefulness and wonder and nuance and complexity that it might as well be a gift of itchy woolen longjohns from your least-favorite aunt. It fries me, as a matter of fact, that we as a Church can be so (justifiably) appalled at government attempts<\/a> to make pregnancy into a disease to be prevented, when we turn right around and act, so often, as though pregnancy is the just punishment a woman deserves for having sex, even if it wasn\u2019t consensual but especially if it was.<\/p>\n

This doesn\u2019t even get close to expressing all the reasons I am queasy about putting on a prolife button\u2013like, for instance, the assumption that I\u2019d have to complete the set with buttons declaring myself Republican, homophobic, and pro-death-penalty. Anyone who says there\u2019s not a litmus-test-cum<\/i>-voter-registration-exam for Catholics these days is either lying or better at ignoring the elephants than I am.<\/p>\n

In the end, though, the biggest reason may be that I am a coward. Catholics are not the only ones with a litmus test, and I know very well that by coming out against abortion (in principle, even; I am nowhere near ready, in conscience or in grace, to support a legal ban) I risk losing the respect and even the friendship of people I respect and love. There will be blowback enough, I expect, if I\u2019m brave enough to link to this post on Facebook.<\/p>\n

<\/div>\n

That\u2019s where I am this year. That\u2019s where this journey finds me: at the bus stop. A little closer to knowing which bus I want to board, a little more afraid to step up. Tomorrow morning, as I share a hymnal with the elephant in the pew, I will pray for the folks on both buses, for all the babies and for all the women. I will pray for the ability to draw on my mother\u2019s courage, in a cause that isn\u2019t, at heart, so different. I will pray for wisdom for myself, and understanding from others. The appointed responsorial psalm (Psalm 25), providentially, will help:<\/p>\n

Your ways, O Lord, make known to me;<\/i>
\nteach me your paths,<\/i>
\nguide me in your truth and teach me,<\/i>
\nfor you are God my savior<\/i>.<\/p>\n

If you are so inclined, in or out of a pew, with or without elephants, I\u2019d appreciate it if you\u2019d remember this unexploded landmine of a revert\u2013and the soul of her mom\u2013in your prayers, too.<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

In the tangled journey home of this particular returning Catholic, this is one of the toughest times of the year. Tomorrow marks the 39th anniversary of the passage of Roe v. Wade, and everybody I know is\u2013literally or figuratively\u2013on the bus to Washington for the annual March for Life. Most of the Catholics I know […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1086,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-106","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"yoast_head":"\nThe Elephant in the Pew<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"In the tangled journey home of this particular returning Catholic, this is one of the toughest times of the year. 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