{"id":362,"date":"2012-08-04T13:23:40","date_gmt":"2012-08-04T19:23:40","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/egregioustwaddle\/?p=362"},"modified":"2016-05-02T11:06:09","modified_gmt":"2016-05-02T17:06:09","slug":"10-things-i-wish-a-facebook-meme-knew-about-the-church","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/egregioustwaddle\/2012\/08\/10-things-i-wish-a-facebook-meme-knew-about-the-church.html","title":{"rendered":"10 Things I Wish a Facebook Meme Knew About the Church"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

Warning: Excessively long post. If I were a better writer and less actively involved in wrestling with the topic, I could write a lot shorter.<\/em><\/p>\n

I really wasn\u2019t going to post on this past week\u2019s Tempest in a Chickenfryer. As if we weren\u2019t polarized enough around the issue of marriage and what it means to society and to religion! The blogosphere has been a-boil with a dipping sauce comprising equal parts of vitriol, grandstanding, and pain, into which we dunk our nuggets of hard-fought belief and personal experience. It\u2019s a recipe for heartburn and soulburn on a national scale.<\/p>\n

The weird thing is, all this was precipitated by Chick-fil-A CEO Dan Cathy\u2019s semi-public (made uber-public by his opponents) support for a vision of marriage that, in this society, is as radically outside the norm as gay marriage.\u00a0\u201cWe are very much supportive of the family\u2014the biblical definition of the family unit,\u201d Cathy was quoted as saying in a business profile for a Baptist magazine. \u00a0\u201cWe are a family-owned business, a family-led business, and we are married to our first wives. We give God thanks for that.\u201d Forget proponents of gay marriage, who actually had to read between the lines to take umbrage with that statement\u2014I still can\u2019t figure out why the divorced and remarried of America didn\u2019t rise up at that smug and bigoted \u201cmarried to our first wives\u201d thing (can\u2019t you see the mayor of Reno refusing to allow a Chik-fil-A franchise because the CEO discriminates against divorce?), but oh well.<\/p>\n

As a Catholic revert attempting (however incompetently) to live my Church\u2019s teachings, I recognize that Dan Cathy\u2019s minority view of marriage (grounded in Jesus\u2019 teachings, defined by the complementarity of man and woman, lifelong) has come to be my own. That doesn\u2019t mean that I or my Church share with some of the organizations Dan Cathy chooses to fund the notion that homosexual persons are less endowed with human dignity, less entitled to equal protection of the law, less capable of heroic moral virtue than heterosexual persons.<\/p>\n

That\u2019s hard to explain, as I\u2019ve had to this week, to people who confront me with their experience of living in loving and faithful and life-giving same-sex partnerships. It\u2019s not something I can even bring up with two women whose commitment to one another I witnessed and prayed over, at their request, several years ago, whose bond is stronger and more selfless and more conventional than that of any hundred Kardashians, and whose three children are in no way less richly gifted with love, faith, and care than any children of a Catholic textbook family.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s even harder to explain to the women I myself have loved, including the woman I asked to marry me once upon a time. (That she refused was a blessing beyond measure to both of us, but the ask is not a matter of regret.)<\/p>\n

It\u2019s hardest to explain to myself. That I\u2019ve lived and loved in just about all the ways that violate the norms of sexuality and marriage I now espouse makes me, even to myself, an enigma, a person called to perpetual conversion of life, a sinner standing in the need of prayer. What upholding an ideal of relationships more honored in the breach than in the keeping doesn\u2019t make me, however, is a hypocrite or a hater or a judger of any conscience but my own.<\/p>\n

That\u2019s an awfully long preface to a very long post, one triggered only tangentially by Chickengate. All this \u2018splainin\u2019 and wrestling and praying leaves me snappish, no matter how hard I want to be charitable and sensitive. I reserved my anger, this week, not for the sincere debaters or even the passionate opponents, but for the snarkily ignorant\u2014the proliferating Facebook memes that attempt to school Christians on their inherently \u201cunChristian\u201d beliefs about marriage. This one, 10 Things I Wish the Church Knew about Homosexuality<\/em>, credited to jimrigby.org, was the straw that broke my patience\u2019s back. Snark called to snark. In fisking the meme, I don\u2019t mean in any way to do what the meme itself does: reduce the complexity, the importance, the grace of our wrestling with the Christian and societal meaning of marriage to a handful of zingers. I just want to fact-check the zing. So if you\u2019re still awake, here goes (meme points in bold, my responses below):<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

1. If Jesus did not mention a subject, it cannot be essential to his teachings.<\/strong>
\nWhile this is a specious argument\u2014there are lots of things Jesus didn\u2019t mention by name that are essential to Christianity\u2014I will give you this one. Homosexuality (whether we\u2019re talking about the small percentage of humans for whom same-sex attraction appears to be hard-wired, or the much larger percentage of people who engage in same-sex relations at one time or another) is not essential to Jesus\u2019 teachings. Chastity\u2014the call to live God\u2019 gift of sexuality joyously and gracefully according to one\u2019s state in life\u2014is, however, essential to Christian belief and practice, though Jesus didn\u2019t use that word either. When Jesus talks about sexuality, he does so to affirm the complementarity of male and female in marriage, the intimate relationship for which humans were created. There are many, Jesus is aware (being one himself), who are not married: some by choice, most not so. For those of us not married to pretend we are\u2014to exercise the full expression of sexuality in any way other than within that lifelong covenanted relationship open to the transmission of new life\u2014is to go against the purpose for which we were created. That\u2019s sin\u2014not unforgivable, and not always of the same level of seriousness, but \u201cmissing the mark\u201d still. Hard teaching, not just for LGBT folks but for any of us not living what Jesus expressly taught is God\u2019s intention for human relationships, but essential. Because Jesus didn\u2019t just \u201cmention\u201d marriage\u2014he was very, very clear about defining it.<\/p>\n

2. You are not being persecuted when prevented from persecuting others.<\/strong>
\nPersecution? Like Inigo Montoya, I do not think that word means what you think it means. Proclaiming the truth of our faith is not persecution, it is the free expression of religion. Defining marriage as Jesus himself defined it, and refusing to bless or sanctify or applaud notions of marriage that violate that definition, is not persecution. Government authorities\u2019 threatening to take away our constitutionally enumerated rights of free expression, now that\u2019s closer to persecution. So is denying a man\u2019s company a business license because he\u2019s a Baptist and not afraid to say so.<\/p>\n

3. Truth isn\u2019t like wine that gets better with age. It\u2019s more like manna you must recognize wherever you are and whoever you are with.<\/strong>
\nNice refrigerator magnet. But bullsh*t. Truth is truth, unchanging and revealed by God. The ways in which that truth is understood and expressed and clarified change with the times, but those ways are no better because they are newer; every age expresses the eternal in the way best suited to it. If the truth were like manna, evanescent as dew and rotting after 24 hours, defined only by what the last person said or by the last airport you landed in, we\u2019d be living in a lunatic asylum. Which maybe we are, but still.<\/p>\n

4. \u00a0You cannot call it \u201cspecial rights\u201d when someone asks for the same right you have.<\/strong>
\nThat would be true if we were talking about rights. But marriage is in no society a universal human right. For the state, marriage is a privilege, like driving or voting. It comes with attendant rights and responsibilities. To be married in the eyes of the law, you must meet certain requirements and be free of certain impediments. You must request the state\u2019s permission to exercise this privilege by applying for a marriage license, just as you must secure a driver\u2019s license or register to vote. If you are interested in legislation to extend the privilege of marriage to couples of the same sex where that extension does not now exist, whether it is called domestic partnership or marriage, you (and Jeff Bazos and Howard Schultz) are free to lobby for that, to pour money into campaigning for it, whatever\u2014just as Dan Cathy is free to lobby against it and to pour money into campaigning against it. What you cannot do is make a privilege into a universal human right, no matter how hard you close your eyes, cross your fingers, and wish. In terms of religion, of course, marriage is more than just a privilege\u2014it\u2019s a holy rite. That\u2019s not a right, either, though by claiming a universal human right to marriage you may hope to be able to sue churches and synagogues and mosques and temples into according you \u201cspecial rites.\u201d<\/p>\n

5. It is no longer your personal religious view if you\u2019re bothering someone else.<\/strong>
\nFourth grade much? \u201cYou hurt my feeeeeeeeeeeeelings. Jesus would NEVER hurt my feeeeeeeeelings! Religion isn\u2019t supposed to BOTHER people!\u201d For God\u2019s\/gods\u2019\/goddesses\u2019 sake, the personal religious views of every one who\u2019s got any personal religious views bother someone else at some point. The personal religious views of many of my fellow Catholics piss me off to no end, as I\u2019m sure mine do them. My personal religious views bother me<\/em> quite a bit of the time. Suck it up. Bothering is not persecuting, or hating, or irreligious, or anything else worth bothering about. Close your tender ears, and just listen to your own unbothersome personal religious beliefs all the time in an endless self-gratifying loop.<\/p>\n

6. Marriage is a civil ceremony, which means it\u2019s a civil right.<\/strong>
\nSee #4. You might as well say Working for the Department of Motor Vehicles is a civil service job, so it\u2019s a civil right. \u00a0Building highways is civil engineering, so it\u2019s a civil right. The War Between the States was a Civil War, so it\u2019s a civil right.<\/em> This is civil silliness. In any case, the \u201ccivil\u201d part of marriage is the obtaining of the license and the swearing before an authorized representative of the state. Ceremonies are religious or pseudo-religious in nature.<\/p>\n

7. If how someone stimulates the public nerve has become the needle to your moral compass, you are the one who is lost.<\/strong>
\nI\u2019m not even sure what this one means, but if it makes any sense at all you\u2019ve just indicted yourself. The movement to equate same-sex marriage with an advancement of civil rights is a great example of the stimulation of a public nerve\u2014a lot of twitching and moaning for the transitory gratification of a small but loud public claque, which just yesterday was declaring marriage to be an oppressive tool of the bourgeoisie designed to Borg all our beautiful queerness into bland vanilla suburgatory. If a Facebook meme has become the needle to your moral compass, you\u2019re not just lost, you\u2019re clueless about how to find your way back.<\/p>\n

8. To condemn homosexuality, you must use parts of the Bible you don\u2019t yourself obey. Anyone who obeyed every part of Leviticus would rightly be put in prison.<\/strong>
\nI\u2019ll let the Orthodox Jews take up that last part with you, after they get through praying the daily prayer of thanks to G-d for having blessed them with the joy of carrying out all 613 commands of the Torah. As for the first sentence, sure. I\u2019m a Catholic; we don\u2019t take the Bible as a big nasty pill to swallow whole in one gulp. There\u2019s a hierarchy of doctrine, and Scripture is interpreted in the light of Tradition. As for whether the condemnation of homosexual relations\u00a0is essential to Christianity, see #1. And by the way, some people who call themselves religious condemn homosexual persons<\/em>. Nobody in my Church, or in any other communion worth the name of Christ, does\u2014or asks of them any special sacrifice not asked of any other Christian, either.<\/p>\n

9. If we do not do the right thing in our day, our grandchildren will look at us with same embarrassment we look at racist grandparents.<\/strong>
\nThere are no grounds for drawing a parallel between racism\u2014which discriminates against people for who they are\u2014and laws or customs restricting what people of all races may do. All people are equal under the law and deserving of dignity as children of God. All people are not entitled by existence to be married\u2014and no one has ever died from not being married, or from not being sexually active, for that matter. That\u2019s not discrimination. This grandparent who fought for civil rights has nothing to be embarrassed about.<\/p>\n

10. When Jesus forbade judging, that included you.<\/strong>
\nAnd when Jesus forbade fornication, that included you. And me. And all of us. Jesus did not say to sinners (by whom I do not mean depraved sick subhumans deserving persecution in this world and eternal damnation in the next<\/em>, but all of us<\/em>), \u201cIt\u2019s OK, because you are in love, and I will never judge you harshly or tell you you can\u2019t do exactly what you want to do, because even though I\u2019ve talked my ear off about what constitutes the way my Father wants you to live, I realize that\u2019s haaaaard<\/em>, so I\u2019ll cut you a break because you\u2019re a good person and I wouldn\u2019t want my personal religious beliefs to bother you or anything.\u201d Instead, he accepted their sincere repentance (which means owning up to having been judged by God and found wanting, as are we all), blessed them, and said, \u201cGo and sin no more.\u201d<\/p>\n

Which advice, thanking you for your patience, I am now going to shut up and try to follow.<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Warning: Excessively long post. If I were a better writer and less actively involved in wrestling with the topic, I could write a lot shorter. I really wasn\u2019t going to post on this past week\u2019s Tempest in a Chickenfryer. As if we weren\u2019t polarized enough around the issue of marriage and what it means to […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1086,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[77],"tags":[137],"class_list":["post-362","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-in-the-news","tag-marriage"],"yoast_head":"\n10 Things I Wish a Facebook Meme Knew About the Church<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Warning: Excessively long post. If I were a better writer and less actively involved in wrestling with the topic, I could write a lot shorter. 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