{"id":5287,"date":"2013-11-16T00:08:30","date_gmt":"2013-11-16T04:08:30","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/euangelion\/?p=5287"},"modified":"2013-11-10T23:13:08","modified_gmt":"2013-11-11T03:13:08","slug":"if-youre-going-to-ets-and-sbl-remember-to","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/euangelion\/2013\/11\/if-youre-going-to-ets-and-sbl-remember-to\/","title":{"rendered":"If You’re Going to ETS and SBL, Remember to …"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

$\"\"$ I missed last years ETS, IBR, and SBL due to the fact that my doctors told me to take a year off international travel. I came close to a nervous breakdown after ETS\/SBL 2011 in San Francisco due to a nasty sleeping disorder (FYI, don\u2019t try to get over jet lag with wine or sleeping pills, working late, and getting assaulted at night by toddlers, bad mojo follows). \u00a0So I\u2019m exciting to be returning to the big tents this year in Baltimore.<\/p>\n

The more I think about visiting Baltimore, the more I keep thinking of this clip from the muscial \u201cHair Spray.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/iframe>\nMakes me want to sing: \u201cGood morning, SBL, most of these scholars are going to hell \u2026\u201d<\/p>\nBut this year if you got to ETS and SBL, then \u2026<\/p>\nGo to the Tuesday morning panel discussion at ETS on inerrancy and (1) throw vegetables at Peter Enns and cry out \u201d avert your eyes, he may change form\u201d and (2) Yell out \u201camen\u201d every time Mike Bird pauses in my talk.<\/p>\nIf you see Tom Wright, ask him if he could write an \u201cIdiots Guide to Paul and the Faithfulness of God\u201d that won\u2019t take four life times to read.<\/p>\nIf you see Mike Bird, buy him a book for his birthday, this year I\u2019m wanting:<\/p>\nStanley E. Porter, How We Got the New Testament: Text, Transmission, and Translation<\/em>. \nJens Schr\u00f6ter, <\/span>From Jesus to the New Testament: Early Christian Theology and the Origin of the New Testament Canon <\/em>. \n<\/span>\u00a0<\/span>Myk Habets and Bobby Grow (eds.), <\/span>Evangelical Calvinism: Essays Resourcing the Continuing Reformation of the Church<\/em>. \n<\/span>J. Ross Wagner, Reading the Sealed Book: Old Greek Isaiah and the Problem of the Septuagint<\/em>. \nDouglas Moo, Galatians<\/em>. \nWalter Moberly, Old Testament Theology<\/em>.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\nGo to the SBL Beer reception at the Lutheran church with a six pack of Fosters and watch all of the Aussies curse you.<\/p>\nWalk around the ETS book exhibit wearing a placard that says, \u201cReinstate Bob Gundry Now\u201d or \u201cMariam Kamell for First Female ETS President in 2018\u201d. If you do, I will buy you a beer.<\/p>\nAsk Mark Goodacre if he heard Mike Bird\u2019s SBL paper on the Holtzmann-Gundry Theory and if he\u2019d like to repent of his Q skepticism in sackcloth and ashtray.<\/p>\nIf you see James McGrath, tell him that the Doctor Who special has been cancelled and replaced with an infomerical by Answers in Genesis.<\/p>\nBuy numerous copies of\u00a0Evangelical Theology<\/em> and Five Views of Biblical Inerrancy<\/em>.<\/p>\nWalk into the Crossway booth wearing a T-shirt that says, \u201cJacob Arminius is my home boy\u201d and ask the attendants if they have any books by Roger Olson in stock or know of any good books to refute Calvinism. If you do, I\u2019ll buy you a coke!<\/p>\nIf you see Mike Bird and Joel Wilitts holding hands, don\u2019t worry, we\u2019re just trying to sneak into the Yale University reception.<\/p>\nIf you go to the Wipf & Stock dinner and observe twenty Princeton Ph.D students sitting around an Aussie guy in absolute awe of his command of Barthian theology, don\u2019t worry, its just Ben Myers holding court.<\/p>\nIf you go to New York and see Tim Teabow, tell him that there\u2019s a red head Aussie who thinks he got a raw deal from Denver. Also, ask him if he\u2019d be prepared to man-up and consider a switch to rugby, the game of real men!<\/p>\nAttend the Scottish Universities reception wearing \u00a0a kilt and no underwear, you\u2019ll make lots of friends from Harard Divinity School I\u2019m sure.<\/p>\nIf you see Mike Bird, buy him a bottle of wine and some buffalo wings, it\u2019s his birthday.<\/p>\nGo to the IBR session on\u00a0Jesus is Lord, Caesar is Not\u00a0<\/em>and hold up a big sign with a picture of Donald Trump saying, \u201cCaesar Demands Your Worship.\u201d<\/p>\nStand outside the ETS exhibit hall handing out flyers that say, \u201cJesus believed in Obamacare,\u201d and I\u2019ll buy you lunch!<\/p>\nIf you see my Ph.D student, Ben Sutton, tell him that social memory is just a passing fad like theological interpretation of scripture, pokemon, and disco.<\/p>\nIf you see Mike Bird running down a corridor at ETS, it means his paper on inerrancy didn\u2019t go well, so run a screen for him, while he takes sanctuary at the local cathedral.<\/p>\nIf you see Mike Bird hiding under one of the exhibitor tables, don\u2019t draw attention to him, he\u2019s hiding from a short Russian lady.<\/p>\nIf you see some guy singing, \u201cGood Morning Baltimore,\u201d don\u2019t worry, it\u2019s just Mike Bird getting into the atmosphere.<\/p>\nIf you see Denny Burk, tell him that his book on sex not only inspired a generation but it even helped create one!<\/p>\nIf you see Mike Bird, give him a Mohr\/Siebeck gift certificate, its his birthday after all.<\/p>\nIf you see Con Campbell, ask him how life is at Trinity School of Dramatic Arts and Jazz Music.<\/p>\nGo to Josh Jipp\u2019s Achtemeier Award Ceremony and cry out, \u201cWe\u2019ve all been jipped.\u201d<\/p>\nIf you see Mike Bird, wish him a happy birthday, and tell him you\u2019ve read his novel \u201cIskandar.\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"I missed last years ETS, IBR, and SBL due to the fact that my doctors told me to take a year off international travel. I came close to a nervous breakdown after ETS\/SBL 2011 in San Francisco due to a nasty sleeping disorder (FYI, don\u2019t try to get over jet lag with wine or sleeping […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":196,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-5287","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"yoast_head":"\n<title>If You're Going to ETS and SBL, Remember to ...<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"I missed last years ETS, IBR, and SBL due to the fact that my doctors told me to take a year off international travel. 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