THE ROSES AND RAPTURES OF VIRTUE: And finally, I think it’s 100% right to ask anyone who takes my position, So okay–I’m same-sex attracted, what do you think I should do? Are you just gonna do the whole “embrace the Cross, pray harder, read the Bible” routine?

Well, obviously, none of those are bad things to do, and all of them are necessary. (Although I think the better image would be “be more open in prayer” rather than “pray harder”; but maybe that’s because I’m all about femme-y imagery, heh.) But I do think other things can be said that might illuminate how a Christian, chaste, same-sex attracted life can be sublime: joyful and fruitful as well as obedient.

(I should note that there is always an element of awestruck fear, suffering, or poignance in the sublime–that’s what distinguishes it from the beautiful, and perhaps what distinguishes joy from happiness also.)

I wrote here about three possibilities for a sublime “gay” life: friendship, art, and personal holiness. Friendship to me is “shade and sweet water.” Andrew Sullivan’s book Love Undetectable has a lot of virtues and a lot of big flaws. But maybe the best thing about the book is how hardcore it is on the importance of friendship. For Christians–“Greater love hath no man than this: that a man lay down his life for his friends”–there’s no such thing as “just friends.”

You might look for a specific prayer that really helps you with this particular struggle. I really like the Anima Christi. It’s all fleshy and protective and aflame with Christ’s lovingkindness. Find prayers that calm and center you when you’re angry with the Church or with other Christians, too. …The rosary is really very cool because it combines repetitive prayer, easing you into contemplation, with a shifting series of images. You can pray through it and see how the different mysteries illuminate different aspects of whatever it is you’re praying over. I am astonishingly bad about keeping my prayer life together. I’m actually really grateful for the opportunity to do the NRO piece: I knew it would be incredibly stressful, and in order to handle the emotional and spiritual effects I am finally, for the first time pretty much ever, going to daily Mass and receiving the Eucharist every day. That’s just amazingly awesome and I can’t believe I have been such a lazy bum about it up until now. The Church gives you the Body and Blood of Christ–that’s just crazy awesome. How to pray the rosary; how to go to Confession (PDF).

Spend some time with saints’ lives and the biographies or writings of people who inspire you. Dorothy Day’s autobiography, The Long Loneliness, is one of my touchstones. …The neat thing about saints, especially, is that they are so weird–they do such extreme, unexpected, sometimes problematic, wiggy things. And so you can see in them the wildness of the Catholic faith; the “biodiversity” if you like.

Here I mentioned music. I think for most people it will be music; for others, maybe, visual art. Generally it won’t be literature, but something more sensual and pre- or supra-rational. And I have to admit: I do like Mozart’s Requiem Mass very very much, but for me, when I am really struggling with anything relating to Gay Stuff, what brings me back to a sense of harmony (heh) is the Pet Shop Boys. I doubt they’d approve–but hey, they made the beautiful music, it’s their fault.

And finally, I think anyone struggling with same-sex attractions would do well to practice solidarity with those in immediate spiritual and physical need. If you are Christian and same-sex attracted, go out there and perform the corporal works of mercy. Pick one and do it. (Prison visitation, for example.) Obviously, all Christians should do this! But I’ve found that it really helps me with anxiety and anger and general angst relating, specifically, to Gay Stuff.

These are just some things that I have found helpful. I welcome other people’s thoughts; I don’t pretend to have all the answers.

But I do know that God is not asking you to feel horrible about yourself. He wants you to be sheltered in Christ’s wounds and in His love.