{"id":10628,"date":"2016-10-14T19:54:07","date_gmt":"2016-10-14T23:54:07","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/admin.patheos.com\/blogs\/evetushnet\/?p=10628"},"modified":"2016-10-14T20:07:53","modified_gmt":"2016-10-15T00:07:53","slug":"no-surfers-tuff-turf-1985-at-its-1985iest","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/evetushnet\/2016\/10\/no-surfers-tuff-turf-1985-at-its-1985iest.html","title":{"rendered":"NO SURFERS: “Tuff Turf” (1985 at Its 1985iest)"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

So they told me that James Spader and Robert Downey, Jr., in their misspent youth, once played semipunk delinquent BFFs. They did not have to tell me more.<\/p>\n

Tuff Turf<\/em> (dir. Fritz Kiersch, and now I want to know why I don\u2019t know this name already) is sort of John Hughes high-school class-war romance (only not annoying like John Hughes movies always eventually are), in the Reseda<\/a> version of the school from Class of \u201984<\/em>. Gangs prowl and switchblades bristle, but instead of CO84<\/em>\u2018s howling anger and despair we get sweet love and romance<\/a> from marriage-minded Frankie (a dimpled, aching, painfully hopeful Kim Richards, doing an incredible job with an underwritten part) and ex-preppie Morgan (lol James Spader, I thought man-Morgans were extinct by the \u201980s?). Spader is at the height of his \u201cfavorite of a bad Roman emperor\u201d chisel-faceity, Downey Jr. is twitchy and giggly and instantly smitten, and ethnics are the enemy. You can tell that Morgan and Frankie have hearts of gold because they are the blondest people on screen. The \u201980s!<\/p>\n

But no, let\u2019s do this, Tuff Turf<\/em> has a lot to love.<\/p>\n

# LOL RDjr character goes all Jonathan-and-David on Morgan. Guess the scriptwriter didn\u2019t have time to explain why he\u2019s so immediately and completely ride-or-die about this random other dude. I would love to see somebody answer this plot problem, just once, with, \u201cGod told me that you and not Nick would be the next criminal king of Random High School.\u201d<\/p>\n

# Every outfit the girls wear in this movie is a thing I wish I\u2019d worn. Why do we not dress like the \u201980s at all times? God, just glorious, truly truly truly outrageous.<\/p>\n

# Ooh, creepy miniscene where the black security guard is treated as a buffoon for daring to interfere with white rulebreaking.<\/p>\n

# CARS such fast and screechy evil CARS<\/p>\n

# \u201cThis isn\u2019t Connecticut, Mom! Nobody has insurance!\u201d<\/p>\n

# Ridiculous dance club scene with the Jim Carroll Band plus RDJr (!?!) basically ruined for me bc it doubles as a way to teach boys how to manhandle a girl until she likes you. I know the kids here do a lot of stuff nobody would really do, like Frankie\u2019s dancing on tables and really everything in this movie, but this is too close to reality. And especially given that the movie\u2019s right about<\/em> to get super intense about Frankie\u2019s autonomy and the evils of male violence against women, it\u2019s disingenuous.<\/p>\n

# Double-stolen Porsche, no givebacks. Dead rat!!!<\/p>\n

# The extended sequence where they crash the country club is the most wonderful thing in the world. Somehow manages to create totally ingenuous, endearing wealth-porn, just innocent awe at the absurd excess of it all. \u201cDon\u2019t let them fool you. Of course size matters. This is the \u201980s!\u201d (DRINK.) And that \u201csize matters\u201d speech only improves from there!<\/p>\n

# Frankie: \u201cNah, I\u2019ll probably just get married. You don\u2019t need college for that!\u201d Given the way her character arc (and her family\u2019s) plays out, I\u2019m not sure we\u2019re meant to agree or sympathize, but I agreed and sympathized for all I was worth.<\/p>\n

# Whoooooaaaa I didn\u2019t know you could imply that in the \u201980s! I figure this movie was rated R, but even so, my goodness.<\/p>\n

# I would die of embarrassment if my parents said, \u201cGo easy on yourself.\u201d That said, I\u2019ve never responded to getting beat up in the locker room by saying, \u201cI screwed up,\u201d so maybe Spader times call for Spader measures. No, idk, ideologically I\u2019m opposed to the positive-self-talk sincerity of this father-son scene but the Ace of Spader really sold it to me.<\/p>\n

# You take wealth seriously by letting it go. Ditto your virginity.<\/p>\n

# You can say this for the melting-pot criminals: They play \u201cPeople Who Died<\/a>\u201d while they\u2019re trying to find and maybe kill teens and old men.<\/p>\n

# I haven\u2019t been talking much about the violence in this movie but it has been pretty intense from the start, and here\u2019s where we swerve into full-on Action Thriller Bronson Highway. \u201cI\u2019ll kill her first,\u201d the jilted boyfriend says; and you should believe them when they say that.<\/p>\n

# The Action Spader! sequence lasts way<\/em> too long for my taste, but presumably the actual \u201980s teens who watched this were too busy conceiving Millennials in the back row to care. The very end is quite jarring though. Violence, kidnapping, death, trauma, party!<\/p>\n

Overall verdict: I was born to love this.<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

So they told me that James Spader and Robert Downey, Jr., in their misspent youth, once played semipunk delinquent BFFs. They did not have to tell me more. Tuff Turf (dir. 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