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{"id":742,"date":"2010-05-27T16:37:00","date_gmt":"2010-05-27T16:37:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/evetushnet\/2010\/05\/742\/"},"modified":"2010-05-27T16:37:00","modified_gmt":"2010-05-27T16:37:00","slug":"742","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/evetushnet\/2010\/05\/742.html","title":{"rendered":""},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

POKER FACE<\/a><\/span>: So various recent events, including but not limited to the bizarre Elena Kagan media mishegoss*, have led me to think about coming out\/being out, and why my experiences cause me to think it\u2019s usually the best policy. Insert all the obvious disclaimers (I realize that I\u2019m not you, I don\u2019t believe in advice columns, my family is supportive and my career would\u2019ve been bizarre anyway, I have no religious superiors to answer to other than God, etc), but here are, at least, some things to think about.<\/p>\n

[*ETA: Argh, just so no one can misread me: Nothing in this post is a defense of others\u2019 interest in Kagan\u2019s boudoir. Nor do I have\u2013nor do I want!\u2013any information about said boudoir. It\u2019s more that the kerfuffle about her, in conjunction with several other events which would take even more time and disclaimers to cover, prompted various thoughts. And now back to our show.]<\/p>\n

I read somewhere a really intense description, which is echoed to a certain extent in Same-Sex Desire in Victorian Religious Culture<\/span>, of one way being gay may affect your perceptions: Because you\u2019re forced into extreme vigilance over your responses to sensuality, you become hyperaware of sensual realities. I don\u2019t know that this is true for everyone, obviously, but it does resonate with me. And this hyperawareness, while often unpleasant or humiliating, can also conduce to both artistic accomplishment and Catholic faith. <\/p>\n

But there\u2019s a different kind of hyperawareness which is provoked by the closet: strict and deliberate control of one\u2019s speech. And this kind of control and self-consciousness destroys sprezzatura in conversation and prompts instead a really fearful, \u201conly say what you\u2019re certain won\u2019t be understood,\u201d blandly conformist way of talking and writing.<\/p>\n

The closet also offers a lot of temptations to sin; I\u2019d say for many people it just is<\/span> a near occasion of sin. There\u2019s the obvious temptation to lie. There\u2019s the temptation to throw other people under the bus to make yourself look more hetero, or butcher or whatever. There\u2019s the temptation to deny or speak uncharitably to openly gay friends (or, for that matter, enemies). There\u2019s the temptation to cut yourself off from other people so they don\u2019t get too close\u2013to avoid friendship<\/span>, and avoid help. Being in the closet makes it harder to act rightly. To the extent that being out involves humiliation and lost opportunities (although it is also extraordinarily freeing and opens a lot of doors you may not have realized existed) I would say that sometimes you have to journey through what Spenser called \u201cthe Gracious Valley of Humiliation.\u201d<\/p>\n

Many of these same beneficial effects of being openly gay come with being \u201cout\u201d as celibate-for-religious-reasons also. You also avoid giving scandal. I personally find celibacy a more embarrassing confession than lovely old lesbianism, but obviously that is just all the more reason to be open about it!<\/p>\n

So again, in any individual case I can\u2019t tell you what to do, but I think it\u2019s worth defending choices which may make your life harder, or close off some opportunities you really want, but which also make your speech and life vastly more interesting<\/span> and more likely to be virtuous.<\/p>\n

(Also! I resent Lady Gaga as much as any right-thinking child of the \u201980s, but you really, really should click that link in the post title. It\u2019s not as amazing as this<\/a>, but then, what is?)<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"