A Gay and Catholic<\/em><\/a> extra post!<\/p>\n For a lot of people I think the language of vocation, and specifically the language of discerning one\u2019s vocation, offers hope. It makes the future, which for gay Christians especially can easily seem like a giant scary blank, seem more like an adventure through a realm full of possibilities.<\/p>\n But for others this language seems to add pressure rather than relieving it. \u201cIn my day we didn\u2019t *~*discern our vocation*~*. We just took care of people!\u201d Or, \u201cI\u2019m okay with being told I\u2019ve got to cope with my problems. But now you\u2019re telling me I\u2019ve also got to find a solution?\u201d Vocational discernment can seem like something you have to do, not something you get to do; and it can seem like a luxury, the kind of thing which is only relevant to people who already have a high degree of choice and control over their personal lives.<\/p>\n I noticed this problem throughout the book, and kept trying to flag it and counteract it\u2013but the language itself does seem to have this tendency, this weight which pulls it in a direction which overvalues choice and self-knowledge, and undervalues acceptance.<\/p>\n For most of us<\/em>, some of our most important vocations will not be \u201cdiscerned\u201d in the sense that we\u2019ll sit around and think real hard, and pray about what God wants for us. Many of our vocations will be forced on us by circumstances. I know so many people whose lives have been shaped and souls refined by the love and caretaking they gave and received as a result of unplanned pregnancy, familial illness, financial catastrophe which forced them to come home<\/a>, and other events which we \u201cdiscerned\u201d the way you discern the headlights of an oncoming truck. And these vocations are just as real as any perceived special call from God\u2013the circumstances themselves are the call.<\/p>\n Others of us won\u2019t have obvious dramatic events like that, but we will find that we\u2019re called to \u201clove the one we\u2019re with\u201d: I write in the book about how thoroughly I\u2019ve avoided any kind of active discernment in my friendships, which have always been things I just sort of ended up in, for better or for worse.<\/p>\n