Yesterday I went to the launch of AltFem<\/a>, a new magazine from the people who brought you AltMuslimah and AltCatholicah, which explores the intersection of feminism and what I suppose we must call \u201ctraditional\u201d faith. It was a religiously diverse event\u2013lots of headscarves; several babies! I spoke on the first panel, about forging a more inclusive feminism. I\u2019m going to do at least one more post inspired by the event, which will be on an underexplored aspect of Mary\u2019s role as model of motherhood, but for right now I\u2019ll just give you some very very scattered notes.<\/p>\n * You can see other people\u2019s reactions at the various hashtags #altfem<\/a> and #faithfem<\/a>. Diversity!<\/p>\n * Before the event I\u2019d suggested that I might talk about the issues I discuss here<\/a>, here<\/a>, and here<\/a>, about rescuing submission and obedience as sometimes-positive categories. Right now I think if you say those words people\u2019s immediate and often only reaction is to see the potential negatives, the misplaced trust and justifications for abuse of power. That skepticism is important. But we\u2019ve lost the ability to articulate the genuine beauty, sublimity, and joy which can be found in obedience.<\/p>\n Because feminist discourses tend to use an axis of power\/oppression as their main analytic tool, they have an even harder time than most mainstream discourses articulating a positive vision of surrender, obedience, humility, or authority. And so feminisms often become justifications for seeking worldly power\u2013military, corporate etc. Women are encouraged to strive for material and social success<\/a>, rather than men being encouraged to strive for greater surrender, humility, and obedience. (Apparently my line, \u201cMaybe the problem isn\u2019t that women lack power but that men lack humility,\u201d was pretty popular.) This not only targets women\u2019s behavior as the problem<\/em>, contributing to the constant \u201cyou\u2019re doing it wrong\u201d woman-blaming which is endemic to feminism in a misogynistic culture; it also accepts worldly value systems which the Gospel rejects.<\/p>\n I was surprised and heartened by how many people wanted to take up this idea. The critique of worldly power and revival of the metaphor of surrender recurred throughout the launch party\/conference. My impression is that this is something a lot of religious women really want<\/em> to talk about.<\/p>\n * The critique of power and praise for obedience gained a lot of credibility from the fact that at least two of the panelists who talked about it had done a lot of advocacy against domestic violence. (Shahed Amanullah and, I think???, Christy Vines. I remember it was two of us but not which two.) Obviously<\/em> women\u2019s praise for submission can become a justification for abuse, and I was really grateful that we had panelists who had up-close experience of how that works and how it can be countered.<\/p>\n * I always learn stuff when I run my mouth, and this time, I was able to articulate something I hadn\u2019t quite grasped before: Human beings need<\/em> relationships in which we obey. We need obedience as much as<\/em>, and in much the same way as, we need to feel that our voices are heard and our needs considered. We need hierarchical relationships, where one person more-or-less commands and the other obeys; we need relationships of mutual surrender in which the partners either submit in turn or submit to one another so constantly that figuring out who is \u201cobeying\u201d at any given moment is basically impossible; and we need relationships which move from hierarchy to mutuality.<\/p>\n (The \u201cmore or less\u201d is important, though. I listen to my spiritual director and do what he says as a general rule, but my freedom is intact, and I trust that he respects me and listens to my concerns, even when I disagree with him. It\u2019s a hierarchical relationship but not a rigid or controlling one. If you don\u2019t like \u201ccommands\/obeys,\u201d as a word to describe that dynamic, maybe \u201cguides\/follows\u201d? I personally find thinking of my role as obedience helpful\u2013it\u2019s good for my humility!\u2013but like, my whole thing<\/em> is that different people need different metaphors<\/a>, even when expressing a universal human need.)<\/p>\n * I was hilariously scatterbrained and inarticulate, for which I apologize, but I did manage to suggest that many men have experienced a salutary education in obedience and submission through the 12 Steps. This is basically Helen Rittelmeyer\u2019s point again<\/a>. Among the people who respond well to 12-Step spirituality, many of them report that the concepts of surrender and humility were hugely important to them. Lots of these people are men. (I agree with those who speculate that emphasizing or demanding acceptance of metaphors of surrender and powerlessness can be less-helpful and even damaging to women, especially women who are often already deeply ashamed and traumatized.) One question we might ask is, Why didn\u2019t these men get their education in humility from their church? What was the church not<\/em> saying to them?<\/p>\n * One audience member asked a question about how, as a lgbt-identified faithful Mormon, she could ask for greater respect from progressives. I mishandled this question badly; my response is the thing I most regret about the event. So if you\u2019re reading this, anonymous lgbt Mormon person, this is an apology to you.<\/p>\n Here\u2019s A Queer Calling answering the actual question<\/a>.<\/p>\n The striking thing about this moment, from a less self-centered perspective, is that the other two panelists who answered gave basically the objectively correct answer, which is: Tell your story<\/a>. Be honest and personal and get to know people, and they will generally begin to see you as a person and not an ideological caricature. Find spaces where you feel safe enough to do that.<\/p>\n I\u2019m pretty sure I was the only lgbt-identified person on any of the panels; and so the fact that my fellow panelists totally grasped the question and responded empathetically and wisely seems to me like a great sign both about the AltFem team and about the progress we\u2019ve made in presenting lgbt issues within \u201ctraditional\u201d (ugh) religious communities.<\/p>\n * Mollie Z. Hemingway is one of my favorite personality types, the happy warrior. I loved her story about how when she was growing up her mom would explain un-Christian stuff, on the TV or wherever, with, \u201cThat\u2019s what Americans do. We<\/em> don\u2019t do that.\u201d<\/p>\n * Also loved Jamillah Karim\u2019s phrasing when she said that her faith gave her the courage<\/em> to resign her tenured post at Spellman College to homeschool her kids.<\/p>\n * Hemingway on Twitter<\/a>: \u201c<\/small>Yeah, * Susan Katz Miller ditto<\/a>: \u201cSo I left my teenage son in charge of the brisket and went to speak at * Rabia Chaudry ditto<\/a>, quoting one of the Muslim panelists (I\u2019m sorry, I didn\u2019t write down who said this): \u201cHadith: a woman in pregnancy has same reward from God as someone in constant prayer & fasting. * SojoWomen quoting Salma Abugidieri<\/a>: \u201cS.Abugidieri on gender norms & religious dating:\u201dMarriage is about mutual love where both husband and wife are submissive to God.\u201d * Sarah Pulliam Bailey quoting Hemingway<\/a>: \u201cIt\u2019s not a Christian idea that family matters above all other things. That\u2019s not in Christian history. \u2014 ETA: Oh man, that should obviously be \u201cone thing I am okay with Martin Luther changing<\/em>\u201c! Esprit d\u2019escalier strikes again.<\/p>\n Anyway, I got a lot out of this event, and look forward to seeing where AltFem goes.<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Yesterday I went to the launch of AltFem, a new magazine from the people who brought you AltMuslimah and AltCatholicah, which explores the intersection of feminism and what I suppose we must call \u201ctraditional\u201d faith. It was a religiously diverse event\u2013lots of headscarves; several babies! I spoke on the first panel, about forging a more […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1071,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[9,7],"tags":[101,202,251,437,57,113],"class_list":["post-8868","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-gay-catholic-whatnot","category-mackerel-snapping","tag-america","tag-et-exaltavit-humiles","tag-im-on-a-submarine-mission-for-you-baby","tag-she-says-i-am-not-a-femini-i-ist","tag-sweet-smell-of-success","tag-woman-is-the-irony-of-the-community"],"yoast_head":"\n@<\/s>slowhoneybee<\/b><\/a> is like a good version of Bridget Fonda nursing her baby while plotting murder in A Simple Plan.\u201d<\/p>\n#<\/s>FaithFem<\/strong><\/b><\/a>. The veggies are burnt, but it\u2019s tender. A sweet new year!\u201d<\/p>\n#<\/s>faithfem<\/strong><\/b><\/a>\u201c<\/p>\n#<\/s>faithfem<\/strong><\/b><\/a>\u201c<\/p>\n@<\/s>MZHemingway<\/b><\/a> #<\/s>faithfem<\/strong><\/b><\/a>\u201d (MZH also had great stuff on forgiveness as part of marriage\u2019s core, American Christian idolatry of marriage, and Martin Luther changing diapers, which is one thing I am okay with Martin Luther doing.)<\/p>\n