{"id":9114,"date":"2014-12-05T16:36:14","date_gmt":"2014-12-05T20:36:14","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/admin.patheos.com\/blogs\/evetushnet\/?p=9114"},"modified":"2014-12-05T16:36:14","modified_gmt":"2014-12-05T20:36:14","slug":"jose-mena-vs-me-on-christian-friendship","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/evetushnet\/2014\/12\/jose-mena-vs-me-on-christian-friendship.html","title":{"rendered":"Jose Mena vs Me on Christian Friendship"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

A critique of some elements of my book. Some of this misreads specific phrases (I don\u2019t use \u201cancient\u201d as a pejorative!) but Mena is putting his finger on something which is really in the book. I should say that I\u2019m just not in a position to respond to these arguments; my best friend isn\u2019t Christian (nor is my family of course), and that\u2019s obviously shaped how I understand the role of shared belief within friendship.<\/p>\n

\u2026In Gay and Catholic, <\/em>Tushnet is primarily concerned with establishing that friendship, properly speaking, can lead to relationships just as intimate as romantic ones. This isn\u2019t obvious: our culture denigrates friendship while overemphasizing romance, while Christian luminaries like C.S. Lewis have argued that an essential difference between romantic partnership and friendship is that romantic partners fix their gaze on one another, while friends focus on some common goal, interest, or project.\u00a0 Lewis thinks that friendship is essentially outward-focused, a relationship between colleagues, while only romance is characterized by a true adoration and love for the beloved itself.\u00a0 There\u2019s some value in this distinction in descriptive <\/em>terms; after all, aren\u2019t most friendships ordered around mutual entertainments instead of the friends themselves?\u00a0 Tushnet\u2019s book is at its best when, invoking St. Aelred of Rielvaux\u2019s Spiritual Friendship<\/em><\/a>, she attacks the idea that this arrangement ought to be normative.\u00a0 She emphasizes along with St. Aelred that friends are called to profound sacrificial love, perfected in Christ\u2019s teaching that \u201cgreater love has no man than this: to give his life for his friends.\u201d She highlights St. Aelred\u2019s beautiful writing on the intimacy and love that are proper to friendship.<\/p>\n

All of this is excellent, as far as it goes. But things get a little shaky when discussing St. Aelred\u2019s admonitions to choose friends wisely, and in her discussion of friendship with non-Christians.\u00a0 She relegates the idea of \u201cprudence in choosing one\u2019s friends\u201d to \u201cthe concerns of ancient writers on friendship;\u201d it\u2019s not clear that we are really supposed to take them seriously in modern society. She draws a distinction between Spiritual Friendship\u2019s <\/em>depiction of \u201cthe day-to-day challenges of friendship\u201d and St. Aelred\u2019s more lofty theological teachings. Of these theological concerns, Tushnet writes \u201cit\u2019s not obvious how we could translate his sacrificial and intimate friendship, practiced virtuously and modeled on Christ\u2019s love for his disciples, into our own lives.\u201d Tushnet, strangely, assumes that St. Aelred did not consider the possibility of friendships with non-Christians in his work. While she admits that most of her friendships do not enjoy \u201cmutual harmony in affairs human and divine,\u201d the Ciceronian norm that guides St. Aelred\u2019s theological reflection, she doesn\u2019t really explain what the true nature of friendship actually is. When speaking of these friendships, Tushnet writes of \u201ckeep[ing] [her] side of the street clean,\u201d meaning that she, alone, has the job to seek God in the relationship. Her \u201cjob isn\u2019t to convert her friends.\u201d She leaves us with her \u201cconviction that it is possible to compromise on neither faith nor love.\u201d<\/p>\n

But this understanding is deeply at odds with St. Aelred\u2019s account of friendship.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

more<\/a><\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

A critique of some elements of my book. Some of this misreads specific phrases (I don\u2019t use \u201cancient\u201d as a pejorative!) but Mena is putting his finger on something which is really in the book. I should say that I\u2019m just not in a position to respond to these arguments; my best friend isn\u2019t Christian […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1071,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[9,7],"tags":[134,56,1264,30],"class_list":["post-9114","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-gay-catholic-whatnot","category-mackerel-snapping","tag-aelred","tag-friendship","tag-gay-catholic-whatnot","tag-mackerel-snapping-2"],"yoast_head":"\nJose Mena vs Me on Christian Friendship<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"A critique of some elements of my book. 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