My daughter, Grace, has two hand-made dolls that she\u2019s named Nared and Filfin.\u00a0 Last night I overheard them talking to one another.\u00a0 I transcribed their conversation below.<\/em><\/p>\n Nared<\/strong>: I know what you mean. Like our lips being sewn shut. What is the point of that? Why not let our mouths work free? Mark Yaconelli is the co-founder and co-director of <\/em>Triptykos School of Compassion.<\/em><\/a> The author of<\/em> Downtime, Contemplative Youth Ministry,\u00a0Growing Souls, and Wonder, Fear and Longing: A Book of Prayers,\u00a0Mark lives in Oregon with his wife and three children. Read an interview with Mark about the spirituality of young people\u00a0here<\/a>. <\/em><\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" One of my favorite story-tellers, Mark Yaconelli, shares a remarkable conversation between his daughter’s two homemade dolls about God. See if it doesn’t set you off on some deep theological thinking today …<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[89,183],"class_list":["post-636","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-contemplation","tag-god"],"yoast_head":"\n![\"\"](\"https:\/\/wp.patheos.com\/community\/mainlineportal\/files\/2010\/06\/yac-blog-post-dolls-.jpg\")
<\/a>Filfin<\/strong>: I don\u2019t understand why he won\u2019t tell us the plan. What\u2019s the point of secrecy? Is he afraid we won\u2019t follow the plan? Or maybe we\u2019ll disagree and subvert the plan? I mean, the way Baby tells it, we couldn\u2019t change the plan even if we wanted to, so why not just tell us the plan so at least we don\u2019t have all this uncertainty.<\/p>\n
\nFilfin<\/strong>: Exactly. I\u2019ve got two teeth hanging out, for no practical purpose. I mean, even if I wanted to bite something, or tear at a wrapper, I can\u2019t do it. They\u2019re sewn back into my lips. Why not just leave them in my mouth? Why bother to give me two teeth and then prevent me from making use of them? It\u2019s like God\u2019s trying to be cruel.
\nNared<\/strong>: Don\u2019t say that. You know that\u2019s not true.
\nFilfin<\/strong>: The truth is Nared, I don\u2019t know. I know Baby is always quoting that rabbit book and saying \u201clove makes us real\u201d and \u201creal is something that happens to you\u2026\u201d and other things like that. Can I be honest? I have no idea what Baby\u2019s talking about. Have you ever read the book? The Velveteen Rabbits or whatever it\u2019s called? For two days I poured over that book. Let me tell you Nared, I felt nothing, nothing but nausea\u2013the burn pile, the sick boy, the Nursery Fairy, the tattered rabbit\u2013Baby thinks it should give me some kind of comfort, but to tell you the truth, I just had more questions. Like why does the boy get all working parts? Why isn\u2019t his mouth sewn shut? Why are some of the characters made without hind legs or at the mercy of some winding key? And why do the loved ones get to become real? I mean, why is that supposed to make me feel better? He\u2019s a soft rabbit for Chrissake! Of course he\u2019s loved! Is it Mechanical Mouse\u2019s fault that he\u2019s made of cold metal? None of it makes any sense.
\nNared<\/strong>: Yea, I know.
\nFilfin:<\/strong> Why is the boy\u2019s love the only thing that counts? Why isn\u2019t the boy, Bobby or whoever, why isn\u2019t he thrown on the burn pile for not being loved by Car or Boat? And really, Nared, when the Nursery Fairy comes in and makes the rabbit real, I mean, didn\u2019t you find that forced? I just found that completely unrealistic, I practically blushed with embarrassment. There\u2019s no mention of Nursery Fairy anywhere in the story, and then all of a sudden in the final chapter, just when the story feels like we\u2019re getting down to the hard core truth, here comes Nursery Fairy to take away the painful absurdity and make everything come out alright. I\u2019ll bet you anything that Nursery Fairy wasn\u2019t in the original text. I\u2019ll bet someone added that in to keep the terror at bay.
\nNared<\/strong>: Yea. I know. It didn\u2019t do much for me either. I guess I just don\u2019t get the question the book is trying to answer. Like when Nursery Fairy says, \u201cYou were only real to the boy, now you shall be real to everyone!\u201d Baby is always quoting that line to me like it\u2019s supposed to give me hope or something, but I always think, wait a minute, wasn\u2019t Velvee real to Car and Boat and Mechanical Mouse? Who says he was only real to the boy? I mean, does Baby believe God has ordained some kind of hierarchy of beings where those who don\u2019t have sewn mouths, or dangling button eyes\u2013those who are born with greater symmetry and a free range of motion\u2013have greater worth? Is that the \u201cGod\u2019s plan\u201d that Baby is always talking about? I mean, if it is, then I guess I\u2019m not interested.
\nFilfin<\/strong>: So you think there\u2019s no plan?
\nNared<\/strong>: Well\u2026Well, I know it doesn\u2019t make any sense, but you see this long arm of mine? The one long arm pointing upward in a kind of celebratory manor? Well, I\u2019ve always felt that I have this one long arm for a purpose. I mean, I know the girl laughs at it sometimes, but I have this feeling, this deep feeling, that one day there will be this situation where a creature with one long arm and one short arm is going to be needed, needed in some important way, and it will make sense, and I will feel my purpose and I will understand a little of what God is thinking. You know what I mean? It doesn\u2019t erase any of my questions, it\u2019s just a feeling I have about my one long arm, a feeling that this arm is not a cause for ridicule but a sign that there is a greater mind at work. That probably sounds ridiculous to you\u2026
\nFilfin<\/strong>: No, no. I know what you\u2019re talking about. I\u2019ve often felt that way about these appendages on my head.
\nNared<\/strong>: You mean your horns?
\nFilfin<\/strong>: They\u2019re not horns really. I used to think they were horns until I felt Rhino\u2019s horn. His is hard and sharp. Good for defending or attacking something. Mine are completely soft, impotent really. I don\u2019t think anyone could really classify them as horns. At one point I thought they might be ears, you know, some kind of special hearing devices that could pick up some kind of special sound or signal that other\u2019s can\u2019t perceive.
\nNared<\/strong>: So they\u2019re ears?
\nFilfin<\/strong>: I have no idea really. They could be. Maybe one day I\u2019ll hear something through them, something no one else notices\u2026I don\u2019t know. I guess it\u2019s possible. Or maybe they serve some other function. I don\u2019t know. And that\u2019s the pain of it all. I too have times when I feel that I\u2019m made for some deep purpose\u2026but, mostly there\u2019s just this pain. A kind of shame really, at who I am, how I\u2019m perceived, a deep self-loathing at my crooked arms, the head appendages, the soft pink rump. I would like to feel this \u201creal love\u201d that Baby speaks of\u2026but most days I just feel like crap. Really, Nared. I wake up. \u00a0I see myself in the mirror and I just feel worthless, and I just wish I could get five minutes with God or the Nursery Fairy or some kind of Higher Power and say to them, \u201cPlease. Please. Tell me the plan. For God\u2019s sake, just tell me the plan. I won\u2019t tell anyone. I won\u2019t try and mess it up. If it\u2019s the burn pile for me, O.K. I can accept that. Even welcome it. I just want to know.\u201d<\/p>\n