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I don\u2019t recall my exact age when Leslie and I became bosom buddies. Somewhere in the vicinity of thirteen? We attended the same Christian school, which her Mom enrolled her in for the sake of \u201d hopefully doing her some good.\u201d She was younger than me, but had the more dominant personality. She was also stronger than me (and every other girl), physically. She was a brute, actually, for her age and gender. A bona fide tomboy and a jolly hoot, combined.<\/p>\n
Somehow, she found it pleasing to make me her pet, to which I submitted, joyfully.<\/p>\n
Leslie and I were polar opposites. I was 5\u20192\u2033. She was 5\u20197\u2033. I weighed about 110 pounds. She weighed \u2026 well, I don\u2019t know. Much more. I dressed conservatively and wasn\u2019t much into pop culture. She was into leather, open fingered gloves, thick blue eye shadow, Cyndi Lauper, and Madonna. Oh, at school she had to dress \u201cright\u201d and tone down her hair and makeup. But get that girl home on the weekend and her hair grew by twelve inches and her skirts shrunk by six. She loved to dress up as the music icons she adored and dance around the house, MTV rock star style.<\/p>\n
Meanwhile, I\u2019d sit on the couch and munch on caramel corn and other deliciously sinful snacks her mom had whipped up, content to watch her imitate the pros.<\/p>\n
Leslie was the star, I was the spectator. And we liked it that way.<\/p>\n
My love for Leslie was great, but her mom (Jane) and I may have had a greater emotional connection. Jane and Ralph were Leslie\u2019s parents, but Jane had an older daughter, Laurie, from a previous marriage, who was killed in a car wreck years before, and was \u201cmy twin\u201d, as Jane would say.<\/p>\n
Not only do you look like Laurie. You act like her<\/em>, she\u2019d say with tears in her eyes.<\/p>\n So Jane took a liking to me hanging around, as it eased a deep longing for Laurie, who she loved so deeply but couldn\u2019t have. And I was happy to oblige, as I was the sort to enjoy easing loneliness.<\/p>\n Truth be told, I had a heart condition that was growing increasingly problematic, and I often wondered whether my own Mom would have to go through the loneliness of having lost a daughter, and I was curious to know what grief might look like for her.<\/p>\n Morbid, maybe. But it was what it was.<\/p>\n Turned out my heart condition is what would be the glue that bonded Leslie and I together, as hard times often have that effect on two people. One Friday, I stayed the weekend at her house. Picture it: conservative, play by the rules cardiac patient and hyper-jolly punk rocker in a huge house, alone. With a pan of fudge. Rock music. Movies I wasn\u2019t allowed to watch. A gallon of AquaNet. Curling irons. And a stack of huge, round bristle brushes, waiting to help us create some wicked 80\u2019s hair.<\/p>\n By the time midnight rolled around and the neighbors were adequately annoyed at Leslie\u2019s boom box, this heart patient was pooped, ready to sleep the regular 12-13 hours that was so often required just to be functional the next day. But Leslie kept on tickin\u2019. She had the sense to quit dancing, lower her music, and put the brushes away, but her mouth opened and never did close until 8:00 the next morning. We had stayed up all night. Her talking. Me listening to her dramatic stories of public school that horrified me and made me rejoice that I was a nobody living in Nothing Town, attending Podunk Christian School. Obscurity obtained by being born in a small town and attending a school of 20 high school students, I concluded, was a blessing.<\/p>\n So morning arrived and Leslie was ready to rock and roll. I was ready to roll, too \u2014 right back into bed. Tired could not even begin to describe my plight. We made breakfast and I ate. Picked, mainly. All that egg and bacon protein didn\u2019t look very appetizing and promised very little to a fatigued brain and body.<\/p>\n Just. Need. Some carbs.<\/em><\/p>\n Then I remembered the fudge. My cardiologist had me on a strict diet of no caffeine, which meant no chocolate. But I was desperate for even a smidgen of energy and popped two squares into my mouth.<\/p>\n That oughtta do it!<\/em><\/p>\n Twenty minutes later, the caffeine-sugar buzz kicked in. I climbed the stairs, thinking I\u2019d shower and carpe diem, but found myself stuck at the fourth stair from the top landing, unable to climb, panting, short of breath, suffering from a severe episode of supraventricular tachycardia.<\/p>\n Almost nothing freaked Leslie out, but one look at my ghostly face and her normally ruddy cheeks mirrored mine. 911 was called, my Mom was called, and soon, a Sheriff was slapping oxygen on me, paramedics were strapping a heart monitor on my chest, and we were flying down the highway, sirens blaring.<\/p>\n Leslie was the queen of drama, but it turned out she wasn\u2019t too keen on real life drama.<\/p>\n \u201cYou scared the crap outta me!\u201d she yelled at me once I was home from the hospital.<\/p>\n \u201cYeah sorry about that. I guess I can\u2019t be like most kids and skip a full night\u2019s rest and eat whatever I want.\u201d<\/p>\n From then on, Leslie let me sleep whenever I needed. Chocolate was deemed as fatal as a nuclear weapon and altogether disappeared from her house. And I gained a bodyguard. If you messed with me, you messed with her.<\/p>\n The trip to the ER via ambulance was never forgotten in Leslie\u2019s mind, and though her tomboyish-ness made it difficult for her to express her concern, she managed in her own way. A Hallmark card and a bouquet of pink roses would have sufficed, but assuming the role of bodyguard worked, too, as did growling at me like a vicious dog whenever I got a caffeine craving and reached for an ice cold Pepsi or Hershey\u2019s bar \u2013 her way of saying \u201cdon\u2019t touch that.\u201d<\/p>\n She became fiercely protective of me, even if the protection called for was against myself. Nobody was going to hurt her friend \u2013 not even her friend!<\/p>\n When I was fifteen, Leslie, Jane, and Ralph moved three hours away to a town that made Podunk seem as grand as New York City. We kept in touch. Then I married, and we lost touch. Last time I spoke with her was 1997, when she called me to shoot the breeze. She\u2019d had a son. I\u2019d had two daughters and a son. We chatted for a good hour, laughed, and unbeknownst to us, said goodbye for the last time.<\/p>\n We\u2019d lost touch forever. Partly because time and space made it difficult for school chums stay tethered, partly because Leslie was killed in a logging accident six years ago. I learned this two weeks ago, and she\u2019s been heavy on my mind since.<\/p>\n Jane, too. Jane, especially<\/em>. Now she\u2019s lost two daughters and a husband too, as Ralph died a short while after Leslie\u2019s accident.<\/p>\n I don\u2019t know the specifics and I don\u2019t need to. All I know is that the world lost a unique, kind, crazy, protective soul. Thirty six years isn\u2019t long to live, and had Leslie and I had to guess who would\u2019ve lived the longest, well \u2026. the guess would\u2019ve been obvious. I would go first, whenever my ticker decided to stop ticking.<\/p>\n Life is strange and I don\u2019t understand it. Rarely, nowadays, do I try and understand it, as I\u2019ve come to realize God has His ways, I have mine, and the two hardly ever pair up nice and neat. Pieces of Leslie and Jane\u2019s story will never make sense, perhaps not even in Heaven.<\/p>\n Unfathomable pain and sorrow are Jane\u2019s to bear, and a part of me wants to just show up on her doorstep, embrace her, and ease her loneliness once more. Remind her all will be well someday. Assure her of God\u2019s omniscience. Maybe say her sorrow is not for naught.<\/p>\n So Jane, if you\u2019re out there, I\u2019m sorry for your losses. I\u2019m sorry I didn\u2019t know, or I would\u2019ve reached out long ago. Leslie was the best. You were the best. Thank you for making a difference in my life \u2026 more than you knew at the time, and probably more than you will ever know.<\/p>\n And Leslie, girl. I\u2019m still shocked and rather appalled that you took outta here before me. Who would\u2019ve thought, huh? If you\u2019re wondering, to this day, I don\u2019t eat chocolate. Or drink Pepsi. I don\u2019t eat or drink much, in fact, but that\u2019s a story I\u2019ll tell you later, assuming you made the right decision about the most important choice in life.<\/p>\n Until then, I\u2019ll tuck our memories away and enjoy them from time to time, just as I did before I learned of your untimely death. Forever etched in my mind is a picture of you walking into the classroom, wearing a skirt made of black sweater material that fell below your knees, paired with a black and yellow horizontally striped sweater that hung past your bum, dancing to music nobody but you heard. You looked like a gigantic jammin\u2019 bumblebee, ready to take fight if you could only find your wings.<\/p>\n