{"id":274,"date":"2017-04-05T19:37:42","date_gmt":"2017-04-06T02:37:42","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/admin.patheos.com\/blogs\/felixculpa\/?p=274"},"modified":"2017-04-05T21:17:10","modified_gmt":"2017-04-06T04:17:10","slug":"274","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/felixculpa\/2017\/04\/274.html","title":{"rendered":"The Art of Choosing Battles in Marriage"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

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\"IMG_5026\"<\/p>\n

On my bathroom counter, there\u2019s a toothbrush holder (boy, I really know how to draw a reader in, eh?). It holds two purple toothbrushes. One is mine. One is Shaun\u2019s. Please do not mock Shaun for the feminine color. We buy packs of toothbrushes and whatever color is left is whatever color you get. Besides, with all the bizarre gender confusion going on in our world, a 6\u20192\u2033 manly man using a purple toothbrush shouldn\u2019t phase you at all.<\/p>\n

Well, it doesn\u2019t phase me. But it does confuse me. Every morning I question which toothbrush is mine. They\u2019re different, but only slightly, and have I mentioned my brain fog? It\u2019s real bad in the early hours of the day. I often hold up the two brushes, blink, blink, and blink again, sigh, and bravely brush, hoping beyond hope that I chose the correct toothbrush.<\/p>\n

I think I\u2019m getting it right. But the grossness of the mere possibility of getting it wrong haunts me every morning. I have a desperate need (need, I tell you!) to abstain from sharing dental cleaning tools. But then there\u2019s the very real possibility that I will accidentally share, or that Shaun will accidentally share, and if that happens? \u00a0Really, what can be done?<\/p>\n

Contact has been made and I\u2019ll probably die.<\/p>\n

You\u2019re probably thinking, Oh good grief. What\u2019s the difference between an accidental toothbrush share and kissing?<\/em><\/p>\n

Everything. Everything is different. Not to get into great detail, but me kissing Shaun does not entail forcing my way between his teeth, and scraping off all the day old food particles and potentially harmful bacteria that have accumulated since he brushed last. We just kiss. And the difference between kissing and the intentional removal of plaque and germs is ginormous, okay? It just is. Even if it is ginormous in a way that is mostly emotional in nature.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m sorry. I will move on. What I\u2019m getting at is that living in community can be challenging. There are toothbrushes to sort. Tubes of toothpaste to roll \u2013 or not to roll. Toilet paper rolls to replace \u2013 and how to replace them. Laundry to sort and fold and put away in a manner that doesn\u2019t provoke frustration. Deciding who gets what side of the closet and why. Where to park the cars. Where to dine out and vacation. It\u2019s dizzying, this thing we call marriage, and all the working together in harmony it requires.<\/p>\n

Decisions that revolve around TP and parking spaces tend to take high priority in the first few years of marriage. It\u2019s two people coming together with two different lifestyles and making a go of it. And then typically, the wee babies come, and the petty predicaments begin to seem \u2026 well, petty. After twenty-seven years of marriage and twenty-six years of raising kids, I no longer care if TP actually gets hung on the TP dispenser. If it stays in the counter until it\u2019s dwindled down to a cardboard tube that a grandchild will likely spend hours playing with, awesome. Nobody has ever died over a lackadaisical decision by all household members to ignore TP duty. And a child is happy with his new toy. Win-win. And who began the TP violation is irrelevant, because by the looks of the tube lying on the counter, it\u2019s evident that we\u2019ve all followed in the sin of another.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s like, but not exactly like, the verse in Romans 5 that says For by the one man\u2019s disobedience the many were made sinners; so by the one man\u2019s obedience, many were made righteous.<\/em><\/p>\n

One man (or woman) can violate the TP rule and even though all have followed suit, all can be made righteous, thanks to Jesus. The trick is to rejoice in that and move on.<\/p>\n

Marriage is a blessed arrangement, but two people can only partake of that blessedness if both are willing to eschew sweating the small stuff. Both must be willing to let petty rules go \u2014 to value a person with an eternal soul over a cleaning method for a perishable house.<\/p>\n

\"IMG_4860\"<\/p>\n

One option, if the roll of TP on the counter is bothersome, would be to spend a few seconds attaching it to the TP holder \u2013 a far better choice than causing a riff. This would fit in with our practice of the Micah 6:8 Option<\/a>. Perhaps Micah 6:8 lumped in \u201clove kindness\u201d with \u201cdoing justice\u201d and \u201cwalking humbly\u201d because, though it\u2019s fairly easy to practice one out of three of those tasks, to practice them in unison is more difficult. If we only practiced \u201cdoing justice\u201d, we would lay down the law and when the law was broken, we\u2019d dole out the punishment. No exceptions. But add \u201clove kindness\u201d and \u201cwalk humbly with God\u201d to the mix, and the response to empty TP holders will look different. And by different, I mean Christ-like.<\/p>\n

We are called to live in unity with one another, and after twenty-seven years of marriage, I can testify to the fact that one of the best ways to do be unified is to practice the Micah 6:8 Option. Why? Because bigger problems than twin toothbrushes and misplaced TP rolls will come in marriage. So learning to work out the small stuff will help when it comes time to work out the big stuff. Being faithful to work out the little things should not be seen as insignificant, or unworthy of our attention, because if a couple cannot unify in the small challenges of life, the bigger challenges of life will be dealt with in utter chaos.<\/p>\n

So what gives? I\u2019ve said to not sweat the small stuff, and to work out the small stuff. So let me clarify:<\/p>\n

The small stuff is not what\u2019s important. What\u2019s important is the ability to live peaceably with one another amidst the small stuff.<\/strong><\/p>\n

A question I often ask myself in determining whether something is small, but important, or small, but not that important is:<\/p>\n

In light of eternity, what does it matter?<\/em><\/p>\n

Asking it helps me choose battles wisely. A good rule of thumb is, if the dirty deed isn\u2019t hurting my spouse spiritually in some way, I let it go. I determine it is indeed a small thing, deal with the dirt, and forget about it. If the dirty deed is small, but also the result of a glaring character issue, then I try and bring up the subject respectfully, out of a love and concern for my beloved\u2019s walk with Christ. Then there\u2019s the stuff that is truly big, of course, which should always be brought up respectfully and lovingly, but brought up, nonetheless. Marriage is, after all, not for the sole purpose of \u201cgetting what I want out of life\u201d or \u201cmaking me happy\u201d, as modern culture would tell me. Marriage can certainly have some sweet benefits (you know, sex, romance, someone to share burdens and laughter with, the closest kind of friendship), but it\u2019s also very often what God uses to sanctify two people. And sanctification is a messy process.<\/p>\n

Learning what to battle or not battle in marriage is a bit of an art, but it\u2019s well worth the time and effort. Marriage, of course, is the picture of the Christ and the Church. And as such, it is often made the battleground of the Enemy. Add to that individual daily battles of the flesh and the world, and it\u2019s easy for both husband and wife to feel bombarded, which often results in short tempers.<\/p>\n

So breathe, y\u2019all.<\/p>\n

In light of eternity, what does it matter?\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

Unless it involves accidental sharing of dental tools, probably not much.<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u00a0 On my bathroom counter, there\u2019s a toothbrush holder (boy, I really know how to draw a reader in, eh?). It holds two purple toothbrushes. One is mine. One is Shaun\u2019s. Please do not mock Shaun for the feminine color. We buy packs of toothbrushes and whatever color is left is whatever color you get. […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2920,"featured_media":276,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[74,76,19,64,39,75,73,72],"class_list":["post-274","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-choosing-battles","tag-friendship","tag-love","tag-marriage","tag-micah-68","tag-romans-5","tag-sanctification","tag-sex"],"yoast_head":"\nThe Art of Choosing Battles in Marriage<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"The small stuff is not what's important. 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