![\"Unwelcome](\"https:\/\/wp-media.patheos.com\/blogs\/sites\/385\/2017\/08\/Unwelcome-Mat.jpg\")
<\/a><\/p>\nSo you\u2019re a Christian church goer.<\/p>\n
The sign on your church says \u201call are welcome\u201d and you take great pride in telling people about your church, and inviting them to attend.<\/p>\n
When they arrive, you have greeters and hospitality teams who run right up to them, making sure they know the sign was right\u2013 they are welcome.<\/p>\n
You say you welcome all, and you do.<\/p>\n
And yet, with all the great pride you take in welcoming everyone, you have overlooked a tragic flaw:<\/p>\n
You welcome everyone, yes, but once you get to know them, you\u00a0also unwelcome some.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n You find ways to make it clear that all are welcome to come<\/em>, but not all are welcome to stay<\/em>.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n Maybe it\u2019s was because you found out they had some differing beliefs than yours, and you either didn\u2019t know how to embrace the tension of being in relationship and worshiping with people who thought differently than you, or you just didn\u2019t want to. Perhaps\u00a0something about them\u00a0rubbed you the wrong way; maybe they just didn\u2019t seem to fit with the group as it was before they were joined, or maybe there was subtle conflict that you didn\u2019t work to resolve.<\/p>\n So, you unwelcomed them.<\/p>\n Maybe you weren\u2019t as direct as walking them to the door and asking them to leave, but there are a thousand different ways to flash a bat-signal to someone and say:<\/p>\n You\u2019re no longer welcome in this group.<\/p>\n And so, eventually they picked up what you were laying down. Eventually the discomfort grew too much, the progressive rejection stung more and more, and they left your church\u2013 just as you secretly wished they would, even if you didn\u2019t admit it to yourself.<\/p>\n Life went\u00a0on, and you were right\u00a0back to celebrating the fact that your church means it when they say, \u201call are welcome\u201d as if you actually meant what it should mean.<\/p>\n The fact that you don\u2019t lose any sleep at night is probably because you don\u2019t know the rest of their\u00a0story, and I for one certainly don\u2019t expect you to.<\/p>\n They just left. They were unwelcomed. They disappeared, just the way you wanted them to.<\/p>\n But I wonder how you\u2019d feel and sleep if you were to know their full story? Let me tell you about those people you unwelcomed from your church:<\/p>\n You should know they had years and years of church trauma before they ever walked through your \u201call are welcome\u201d sign. In fact, the first time they attended your church they nearly had a panic attack in the parking lot, but they knew they had to push through it. They knew they had to try again\u2013\u00a0they just\u00a0had<\/em> to.<\/p>\n You should know they were absolutely desperate<\/em> for friends\u2013 they really didn\u2019t have any\u2013 and they were so hopeful in you. The way you welcomed them gave them hope for the first time in years;\u00a0they were so effing scared to embrace it, but they did. Because of that, they pushed through their resistance, their wounds, and their inner walls, and began to believe that maybe this was the positive turning point in life they had been waiting for.<\/p>\n While you grew to have issues with some of their differing\u00a0beliefs, you should know that before\u00a0they ever attended your church, they already knew you wouldn\u2019t agree on everything\u2013 and they were okay with that. They were okay with you<\/em>. And when you welcomed them and became friends with them, they thought that you were okay with them, too.<\/p>\n You should know that after years of sadness and pain, their faith was withering. On day 1 at your church, they had already felt like they might be at the end of a journey, instead of at the beginning of one\u2013 but they didn\u2019t want to give up. \u00a0Not yet. They were desperate to experience the love of Jesus, desperate to find even a sliver of something to hold on to\u2013 and you were that hope.<\/p>\n And then, you unwelcomed them.<\/p>\n You should know that out of all of their church trauma, this one was the most devastating. The others hurt, yes, but this one came after deliberately taking a massive, vulnerable risk that required them to let their guard down even when they didn\u2019t feel completely safe doing so.<\/p>\n You should know that neither one of them attend Church, have a supportive Christian community, or even close, intimate Christian friendships, because they literally don\u2019t have what it takes to risk and try again.<\/p>\n You should know that right after you unwelcomed them, they experienced a tragic life event where having Christian community would have been a life saver. Instead, they grieved alone in the dark corners of their house, and no one saw or cared about how lonely and hurting they were. No one ever checked in on them during their time of need\u2013 your \u201chospitality\u201d team was too busy shaking hands under the \u201call are welcome\u201d banner.<\/p>\n You should know that they didn\u2019t have what it took to hold their faith together. They didn\u2019t stop believing entirely, but they stopped practicing in any meaningful way\u2013 not by choice, but by brokenness and pure emotional exhaustion.\u00a0In fact, a full six months had gone by before they even realized that they had stopped praying a long time ago.<\/p>\n Oh\u2013 and\u00a0you should\u00a0probably know that they didn\u2019t stay together. They tried as best they could, and knew that having supportive Christian community could have changed everything, but after\u00a0you unwelcomed them, what was left of their marriage just fell apart piece by piece. There wasn\u2019t any singular event to blame it on\u2013 it was just death by a thousand cuts, and your unwelcoming of them was one of the bigger ones.<\/p>\n The day that they worked up the courage to walk through your \u201call are welcome\u201d sign, they knew they needed you even if it was hard to admit\u00a0out loud to themselves. They knew that if their story could find healing, that somehow, someway, you would play a part in it.<\/p>\n You should know that you gave them their last\u00a0sliver of hope, and they nervously held onto it\u2013 until you yanked it out of their hands.<\/p>\n How will the rest of their stories be written?<\/p>\n Who knows.<\/p>\n But you should know that they are unlikely to ever try another church again.<\/p>\n And if they did, instead of an \u201call are welcome\u201d sign, they\u2019d be searching for one that read, \u201cno one unwelcomed.\u201d<\/p>\n Of all the things you should know about unwelcoming people from church, here\u2019s what you should know the most:<\/p>\n Sometimes\u00a0when you unwelcome people from your church or Christian community, it\u2019s a bigger deal than you think.<\/p>\n Be sure to check out his new blog, right here<\/a>, and follow on Facebook<\/a>:<\/p>\n
\nDr. Benjamin L. Corey<\/a> is a public theologian and cultural anthropologist who is a two-time graduate of Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary with graduate degrees in the fields of Theology and International Culture, and holds a doctorate in Intercultural Studies from Fuller Theological Seminary.\u00a0He is also the author of the new book, Unafraid: Moving Beyond Fear-Based Faith, which is available wherever good books\u00a0are sold. www.Unafraid-book.com.\u00a0<\/a><\/p>\n